[Mindinpieces]

Does anyone else be made to fill like they have to imply or tell their therapist what they want to here because if they tell them what they need to tell them they are accused of not wanting to get better and made to fill worse so they keep things to themselves which is really troubling them but can't even tell a therapist that. How do you cover come this without getting made to feel even worse for letting such things out which is causing you distress.

How long have you been in therapy? I think that there is a line at which SOME therapists start to expect that you will begin to take action to address the things that are troubling you, versus simply repeating the fact that those things still trouble you.

For instance, I have complained repeatedly about one particular thing since late November. Last week, my T was like, "yeah, but what do you want to DO about that? What can you change in what you're doing or thinking so that this is not so upsetting for you?" For my T, there is clearly a limit to the number of times I can complain about the same thing before he expects me to take steps to address it. He is willing to help me with determining what those steps should be certainly, and is willing to let me continue to discuss what is or is not working and what is frustrating about the situation. But continuing to just say how much it bothers with me without doing anything more is not going to fly with him.

Is that the kind of thing you're talking about? Or have I missed the point? [if so, my apologies.]

[wadingthruemotions]

I think get what both of you are saying here but not quite sure. There are many times where I feel I cannot just come out and say what it is that's troubling me to my shrink for a variety of reasons. I think it maybe time if so to think about changing docs. At least that's what I am contemplating.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Mindinpieces

if they tell them what they need to tell them they are accused of not wanting to get better and made to fill worse...

How do you cover come this without getting made to feel even worse for letting such things out...

I was struck by this phrase you used twice, "made to feel worse." That suggests the therapist is making you feel a certain way. I've been reading a book lately that challenges how we often ascribe our feelings to other people. The message is that we are in charge of our feelings, not others. Viewing things differently can give us more power in a situation, instead of saying it is another's doing that we feel bad. I don't think I'm very good at putting this into practice, but your choice of words, twice, just really leapt out at me. What did your therapist say to you that "made you feel worse"? If you shared that, maybe others could say how they might have reacted differently so they didn't feel bad. It might point a different path.

[archipelago]

Sometimes at the beginning of therapy feeling like you have to fill the needs of the therapist is stronger than your own, but after a period of time, that needs to be worked through so that you know that the period of time is yours and fully what you want and need, not to be determined by someone else (or our feelings about what we think they want).

Sometimes at a different phase in therapy this issue will come up again and again need to be worked out. Like all relationships, the therapeutic one will change over time and need to be adjusted.

But if what you are actually saying is that you feel so inhibited from expressing your needs because you think the therapist will judge you as not being willing to work on things, then something seems to being going wrong somehow. I just don't have enough to go on so am guessing and speculating mostly.

I can say that with some issues that are very deep and traumatic and formative, they repeat as issues at different times and for different reasons. So even if I've dealt with them before or have made changes about them, the fact that they repeat doesn't really mean I haven't the right to bring them up. My therapist expects that themes in our lives that were important in defining parts of us will come up though perhaps in a kind of cone-shaped view of history, where you arrive at the same place but you are actually located a few levels above and things have substantially widened in the meantime.

Don't know if anything I typed makes sense or helps. Just some impressions.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I was struck by this phrase you used twice, "made to feel worse." That suggests the therapist is making you feel a certain way. I've been reading a book lately that challenges how we often ascribe our feelings to other people. The message is that we are in charge of our feelings, not others. Viewing things differently can give us more power in a situation, instead of saying it is another's doing that we feel bad. I don't think I'm very good at putting this into practice, but your choice of words, twice, just really leapt out at me. What did your therapist say to you that "made you feel worse"? If you shared that, maybe others could say how they might have reacted differently so they didn't feel bad. It might point a different path.

This struck me as well and I agree with you, Sunrise.

Maybe you could talk to your therapist about how you feel in therapy, in relation to her. I think getting this out in the open (i.e. "when you say x, I feel y") might be very helpful.

[Mindinpieces]

Thank You to all. Your replies are helpful and understandable to me. For myself I fill like the pressures of his job leek into my slot time and he often mentions other patients and what they say to him like one week they went out but they didn't the next because mum wasn't there to go out with. I hate it when he does that. He hasn't even asked me how I would like help and what I need assistance with. The only good thing is I am on much needed tablets now but it too them for me to nearly kill myself before they even realize and all the time I was judge by them for not wanting to get better when I was clearly really depression but fighting it as best I could. I am unemployed and really struggle regarding work and that what I need help with getting back into work and maintaining a job. I am a lot better than some of his patients in some respects but I see no need for comparison with his other patients at all.

I don't see him for another 3 weeks and I been left for 5 weeks in total with no advice or help so it seems. I know things are not going to magically work out for me in the partical sense but is it so wrong of me to be angry with them that I felt like I couldn't or would be judge for actually saying please help me this way and that I felt I could not ask for tabltes when I needed them and things got extreme.

[ECHOES]

Therapists don't expect us to follow any particular timeline. We talk about what we can, when we can. They are there to hear anything we have to tell them, when we are ready. What they 'need to hear' is anything and everything.

Is it your fear that you will be made to feel worse, or has that happened?