[lifelesstraveled]

Hi!

I've been feeling really really stuck in therapy and have been wondering if I am just irreparable, if I need a break, or a new T. I decided to try one more T before I determine that the next 30 years will be as miserable as my first 30.

I consulted with a new T. I really like her. I felt like she understood me. For the first time ever i felt understood. She noticed when I got anxious, or when my tone of voice changed. She made me feel that I am fixable down to my core, not just on the surface. I really like her and really want to see her again so I can ask a few follow up questions. After that I am going to take a break until the end of the year, which will give me time to put money aside for my therapy fund since this T is not in my network.

My only issue is telling my current T. I feel like I am betraying her. I don't want to hurt her feelings or her to think she failed--i am doing more than I was 3 years ago. I know i need to tell her I feel super stuck, but I am not sure if talking about my stuckness will result in any resolution any was--I am just not comfortable with her. I know I need to tell her I've been seeing other Ts for a consultation, but do I need to tell her that I will start working with the new T at some point?

[Syra]

I think it's very understanding that T1 does a very nice job, and makes a lot of progress, and then the amount of progress slows. T1 has used her very good skills to help you, and you have taken advantage of them. but T1 only does what she knows how to do. Nobody knows how to do everything. Sometimes then a good thing is to find another good therapist who can try a new perspective and different tools.

I had a very bad ending with my prior T despite having made a lot of progress with her. One of the good things to come out of it though was finding a new T who comes from a different perspective (he does IFS, I'm not sure what she did, turns out she wasn't all that trained which showed up big time when things got rough cuz of her issues)

So I don't think consulting with a new T is necessarily a statement that this therapist isn't good enough, or as good. It might be true, but it might not. Could you express your appreciation for the help she's given you, and tell her you want to try something else for a while and hope it would be okay to come back if things don't work out well? or something like that?

[stopdog]

I really truly do not believe a client need worry about hurting the therapist or making a therapist feel bad if the client finds a new one. If it makes a client feel better, then it is possible to tell the therapist the client needs to stop and how terrific the therapist was and be done with it. Therapists are really not that fragile and their egos are not that easily bruised from my observation of them.

[TheRealFDeal]

They certainly are supposed to be professionally trained not to take anything you say personally. I would encourage you to say only what you feel comfortable telling T. You certainly don't need to tell T that you plan to be seeing another T in the future.

[adel34]

Hi,
I agree with everyone else. Just say whatever you feel most comfortable with. Don't worry about upsetting her.
And I think your idea of consulting with a new t, and then taking a break is smart.

[manymiles]

If telling your old T about your new T will help YOU deal with your feeling of betrayal then I would say do it. Really I think whatever you need from old T to help you not to feel that you betrayed them would be important to discuss. T's can handle their own stuff, I'd think they may even be happy that you found and implemented a way to no longer be stuck.

[lifelesstraveled]

Thanks everyone! I think I am going to tell her that I have been feeling really stuck and that I think I am ready to just stop therapy for now and just take a break to reflect on things. I MIGHT tell her I did consult with another therapist just to see if maybe there's something wrong with me that is causing me to be stuck, or if we've (me and old t) have just come to the end of our road.

I have to say that I am really looking forward to my break from therapy. There are still things I need to work through, but this break will give me time to reflect on those things, as well as what I have done in therapy so far. AND I don't have to focus on the work of therapy and process the sessions between sessions. Maybe I will discover that come January 2014 I won't need therapy.

Thanks again!!

[Syra]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Thanks everyone! I think I am going to tell her that I have been feeling really stuck and that I think I am ready to just stop therapy for now and just take a break to reflect on things. I MIGHT tell her I did consult with another therapist just to see if maybe there's something wrong with me that is causing me to be stuck, or if we've (me and old t) have just come to the end of our road.

I have to say that I am really looking forward to my break from therapy. There are still things I need to work through, but this break will give me time to reflect on those things, as well as what I have done in therapy so far. AND I don't have to focus on the work of therapy and process the sessions between sessions. Maybe I will discover that come January 2014 I won't need therapy.

Thanks again!!

You sound so much more comfortable, and like you have been able to process what you want. Reading what you said I felt more relaxed (not that how I feel about this matters that much, but how you are feeling is very important and I wanted to reflect that I saw your strength.)

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Syra

You sound so much more comfortable, and like you have been able to process what you want. Reading what you said I felt more relaxed (not that how I feel about this matters that much, but how you are feeling is very important and I wanted to reflect that I saw your strength.)

Good observation!

I really do feel more confident in this termination than I did yesterday and a few days ago when I consulted with the new T.

I came to the conclusion that regardless of the new T thing, that I've been in therapy for 3 years with this T, and 2 years with a previous one --all nonstop. it's time for a break anyways. I am feeling really stuck, misunderstood and thus our conversations have been getting nowhere. On top of that T2 asked if I felt connected with T1 and I told her no. I realized that after 3 years with her, I don't think I will every feel connected to her, which isn't exactly her fault. Connecting with people is impossible for me to do for some reason and I sort of think it's something that I will never be able to do, but I digress.