[skysblue]

I had posted a few weeks ago about how my T offered a hug but not to me. We're beginning our 3rd year working together and we've never hugged although she did hug my gf last month when she came to session with me.

Yes, yes, I know - I must convey to T my interest in getting a hug. Especially after this past weekend when I had the biggest event of my life and my appreciation for my T's wanting to hear from me how it went, I feel the desire to hug her in gratitude.

But what concerns me is how do we progress after that. With my gf's T, there's always a hug before session and after session and it feels natural when I've gone with her to her T.

But, if I initiate one today in 1/2 hour does that mean she'll think I'll expect it from now on? Do I even want to hug each time? Probably not. idk

Gawd, in RL it's easier.

Probably I will not initiate one today. Why the hey is this so hard? I went through something 100x more difficult just a few days ago.

hmmmmmm

[stopdog]

Here is a post by the jung at heart blogger that considers some of your questions:
Why not a hug? | Jung At Heart

the blogger is a jungian analyst. I find her a bit rigid on the topic, but I thought it was interesting.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Yes, yes, I know - I must convey to T my interest in getting a hug. Especially after this past weekend when I had the biggest event of my life and my appreciation for my T's wanting to hear from me how it went, I feel the desire to hug her in gratitude.

Sometimes hugs need no words to initiate. You can slowly walk towards her with your arms outstretched. If she doesn't get the hint, you can make that yawning noise people make when they stretch.

[rainbow8]

Did you grow up with hugs? I didn't, so it has been hard to hug anyone in RL, let alone my T! I never thought I would do it! My other Ts never offered touch except for the final session with one of them. Early in therapy my current T told me she is not against hugs, but I didn't want one then. I was scared, like you. I think the hand-holding came first, and that was the hardest decision in T for me!

I don't remember the first hug, but I know I hesitated. It felt kind of awkward because my T is thin. She probably initiated it, not me. I can't believe I would have done so! We didn't hug every time, but somehow I started asking her for a hug when I left, and I stopped worrying about how to "do it", or her being too thin, etc. She never refused a hug but 99% of the time I initate it. Most sessions I want one, especially since she won't hold my hand anymore. A hug is a more grown-up way to connect with her.

This week I was very surprised when she initiated a hug. I seemed to have forgotten, but she didn't. That was very special to me.

It's like anything else. The first time will be hard, or maybe not! You may like it, or maybe not. I say "take a deep breath and tell her you want a hug!" You deserve one!!!

[nessaea]

Hey,

I'm sorry you are still struggling with this. Hugs can be a difficult concept in therapy.

I can kind of relate to your situation. I had a therapist for a couple years, and we used to hug at the end of sessions. We took a break for just over a year, and when we started again, no hugs. I wanted one, but was too nervous to ask about it, even though we had done it before! It was making me feel anxious with her, and I realized I had to just do something.

So, I wrote a note to her and gave it to her at the beginning of the next session. It essentially said " At the end of our time today, I'm going to ask you if I can give you a hug. I am ok with whatever answer you give, but I just need to ask, and I wanted to give you a heads up so it doesn't catch you off guard as we're walking out the door." She responded with a very kind "Of course I'll hug you!" and we talked for a little bit about the reasons I wanted one, and then that was it. It was not nearly as difficult or stressful as I had built it up to be in my head.

So, I encourage you to ask about it. Write it out if you have to. If it will make you feel better, then there is no harm in asking. The one thing about my therapist is that she will hug me if I want, but she will never initiate. That is hard for me, but I do understand why. So, your therapist may be the same...just waiting for you to initiate.

Let us know how it goes!