[stopdog]

Does the therapist you see give you advice? Do you want them to do so?

[Willowleaf]

Very little. Suggests grounding techniques and things I can do in crisis, but never once given any advice about my life. Mine you I rarely tell her about my life so it might be difficult! I'm pretty sure that even if I did she wouldn't.

Yes, my T goes advice and I do ask for his advice. I want and expect that from my therapists. I know some people think therapists have no business giving advice, but fine, go to a therapist who doesn't give advice then. I like that directness and focused help, so I deliberately seek out those kinds of therapists.

I think when you say "Does your therapist give advice?" it is quite possible that the word "advice" means different things to different people though.

For me, what that means is that my T helps me through a process of laying out what my options may be in a given situation. He helps me see options that may not have even occurred to me because of my own limitations in objectivity and my own tunnel-vision when it comes to certain areas of my life. He helps me rank those options as far as odds of success, advisability, etc. Rarely does he actually say "You NEED to do such and such exactly this way." Usually it is more in the process I just described. I see that as his teaching me evaluation skills; that seems like a very practical and life-long skill that is vital.

The only time he gets really firm about telling me I need to pretty much do something the way he tells me is when I am in severe mental crisis, particularly if he feels I may be in danger and that my ability to think rationally is really not functioning well at all. That is a safety issue and taking that stance is warranted and really his professional duty. To do any less might be neglectful and malpractice.

[archipelago]

I do ask my therapist questions, but I don't think it could be called asking for "advice." There should be a mixed option in the poll. For instance, I will ask for his experience in how to manage a particular psychological issue in terms of pacing or healing, but I don't ask him questions about what to do in my life. I don't have trouble making decisions, and I don't pay him to be guidance for my decisions. I pay him to work with deep psychological issues that no one else has the ability to handle.

[unaluna]

God yes. My parents' advice was a hundred years old ("we only know what our parents told us about life") so I am glad to have an adult to talk to who would actually consider my feelings and give the situation some serious thought.

[content30]

I chose that my T gives advice, but I use that term quite loosely. I guess I would say that my T sometimes suggests things. For instance, she won’t say, “Content, you need to go to the store and buy a Gatorade right now!” She may say, “It seems like you may require hydration…have you considered going to the store to purchase a beverage, buying a Brita pitcher, taking a sip from the water fountain, carrying a water bottle around?” I guess she gives advice, but it is usually disguised in the form of several suggestions and/or homework. She may want me to read something specific so that I “come up with the idea” of potentially doing a specific thing…. One time, I did tell her about something that I had done, and she said, “ I NEVER say this…I never tell people ‘Don’t do x, y, or z or do do x, y, and z,’ but don’t do that again…I mean it!” Ha! She was right!

Also, I found that when I was seeing her in the beginning, she was far less likely to offer suggestions and more into walking alongside me, helping me navigate my past and circumstances. Now, she is more about challenging me…pushing me, as she knows that I am far more healthy mentally and can handle it. Just last session, she told me to let her know if she was being too challenging, and I told her that no she was not and that I could handle it. Still, phew, it was the toughest session I’ve had! She also probably offered more advice/suggestions than ever before in a session!

She never tells me outright to do something or that I need to do it or must do it, but she does throw things out there more for me to “chew” on nowadays…. Great poll!

[peaches100]

I had a hard time voting because my situation is a bit different from any of those scenarios. My t does give advice at times, but when she does, she normally tests me out with phrases like,

"Have you considered trying this?"

"Would you be willing to practice such-and-such this way?"

"How do you think it would work if you did it this way?"

She doesn't tell me what to do, but gives me ideas to try if I am willing to consider or try them.

[Raging Quiet]

My T is very heavy on advice, but I like her opinions.

[QuietCat]

I can think of only two times he's given me advice. The first time he prefaced it with, "Listen, I try to never advise you on what to do, but in this situation I'm strongly urging you..."

And then the second time was just a few sessions ago when he blurted out,"I think you should deffinitely do that." In that case I think he just wasn't able to censor his reaction quick enough because I'd suggested doing something that would be social and that's a thing I rarely volunteer to do.

Edited to add, that I do wish he would give me more advice, but I also know that a weakness I have is relying on others telling me what to do. So I'm sure he is aware of this and is trying to teach me self-direction.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T will point out unhealthy patterns, if I'm obviously not seeing them, and will offer some advice on things. Usually, if I really want concrete advice, I have to ask her directly. Like "I need advice on how to deal with xxx."

[pbutton]

Discussion from a recent session:

ME: The problem is blah blah blah
ME: <expectant stare>
T: Is this where I come in?
ME: Yes. I need you to teach a better response to the little T that lives in my head. That way he can feed it to me at the actual time I need the advice.
T: Well, you could start by saying "I'm glad that -"
ME: WAIT! No, I AM NOT GLAD! I AM NOT SAYING THAT.

I cannot imagine why any one would enjoy this sort of job, but apparently he likes it. I'd want to start punching clients.

[tooski]

I'm mulling over the meaning of the word "advice". Does he tell me what to do? No. Does he offer suggestions? Yes. Does he give opinions? Yes. But mostly we have discussions, and he tries to get me to come up with my own solutions.

It's funny .... the way this question is worded makes me feel resistant. I picture a T sitting there giving advice (lecturing?) like a stern, controlling parent. Hmmm. I would definitely not like it if my T was that way. He could lecture all he wanted, but I'd do what I want to do. I don't really have a sense that he "gives advice".

Interesting question. Thanks for this thread!

Originally Posted by tooski

I'm mulling over the meaning of the word "advice". Does he tell me what to do? No. Does he offer suggestions? Yes. Does he give opinions? Yes. But mostly we have discussions, and he tries to get me to come up with my own solutions.

It's funny .... the way this question is worded makes me feel resistant. I picture a T sitting there giving advice (lecturing?) like a stern, controlling parent. Hmmm. I would definitely not like it if my T was that way. He could lecture all he wanted, but I'd do what I want to do. I don't really have a sense that he "gives advice".

Interesting question. Thanks for this thread!

That was my take on it. Opinions and suggestions and working through options, etc. are advice in my view. I don't see advice as a "my way or the highway" kind of thing. It isn't a control thing, and that certainly has never been my experience with any therapists I've encountered (with the exceptions of those rare instances like I mentioned before where safety was in serious question.)

[stopdog]

I was using advice interchangeably with opinion. Feel free to interpret it any way you find useful. I do not want the therapist's advice nor do I ask her opinion so I lump them together.
I got the idea from the blog (WARNING - there is a religious reference example in the blog post. Not my cup of tea - but it is there. I found the idea interesting which led to the poll even though I find the blogger insufferable):

The Wrong Road « what a shrink thinks

[tooski]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I was using advice interchangeably with opinion. Feel free to interpret it any way you find useful. I do not want the therapist's advice nor do I ask her opinion so I lump them together.
I got the idea from the blog:

The Wrong Road « what a shrink thinks

Thanks for clarifying. It's obvious I have my own stuff about people trying to tell me what to do

[BonnieJean]

Originally Posted by content30

I chose that my T gives advice, but I use that term quite loosely. I guess I would say that my T sometimes suggests things. For instance, she won’t say, “Content, you need to go to the store and buy a Gatorade right now!” She may say, “It seems like you may require hydration…have you considered going to the store to purchase a beverage, buying a Brita pitcher, taking a sip from the water fountain, carrying a water bottle around?” I guess she gives advice, but it is usually disguised in the form of several suggestions and/or homework. She may want me to read something specific so that I “come up with the idea” of potentially doing a specific thing…. One time, I did tell her about something that I had done, and she said, “ I NEVER say this…I never tell people ‘Don’t do x, y, or z or do do x, y, and z,’ but don’t do that again…I mean it!” Ha! She was right!

Also, I found that when I was seeing her in the beginning, she was far less likely to offer suggestions and more into walking alongside me, helping me navigate my past and circumstances. Now, she is more about challenging me…pushing me, as she knows that I am far more healthy mentally and can handle it. Just last session, she told me to let her know if she was being too challenging, and I told her that no she was not and that I could handle it. Still, phew, it was the toughest session I’ve had! She also probably offered more advice/suggestions than ever before in a session!

She never tells me outright to do something or that I need to do it or must do it, but she does throw things out there more for me to “chew” on nowadays…. Great poll!

It is just like this for me.

[rainboots87]

My last T actually said she's not supposed to give me advice, but then she followed that statement with a comment about how she thought we had a different relationship or were in a different place (not those exact words at all, but that was the gist of it) and then proceeded to give me advice. I liked her giving me advice. Not always in the moment, but i truly respected her point of view. I also knew that her word wasn't the law and could disagree with her if I wanted to. In general I would say advice giving from t is probably not a good idea though. I see how it could make things tricky and complicated.

Mine offers his opinion when asked, and sometimes even when I don't ask. A couple of times, he has just blurted out, "you NEED to do X!" Once he said he was offering his opinion on what he thought I should do, and I was free to reject it, but he was totally going to make fun of me if I rejected his advice and the whole thing 'went south,' but he did it in such a lovely, joking manner that I was okay with it.

For what it's worth, I am forever telling certain people what I think they should do, so I have no room to whine and moan when they do the same thing to me.

[harrietm]

My previous t would give me advice, but always prefaced with "I'm not giving you advice" or "I'm not telling you what to do." But when I would specifically ask for advice he would tell me he can't give me advice. One time when he gave me his opinion and I said that I did not want his opinion, he replied "So what are we doing here?"

Current t does not give advice, but she uses "I wonder" statements a lot, which I think is her way of putting ideas in my head without actually saying that is what she is doing. For example, "I wonder what would happen if you said xyz to your mother?"

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I had a hard time voting because my situation is a bit different from any of those scenarios. My t does give advice at times, but when she does, she normally tests me out with phrases like,

"Have you considered trying this?"

"Would you be willing to practice such-and-such this way?"

"How do you think it would work if you did it this way?"

She doesn't tell me what to do, but gives me ideas to try if I am willing to consider or try them.

Thanks, peaches, you said what I was thinking.
I voted for "No, and I don't want her to" because I enjoy the exploring we do to help me see options and to know what I want (the many aspects of that).

Sometimes it seems like 'advice' but kind of veiled, in that the statement begins with a phrase that makes the decision my choice and not a directive. When I hear it as advice or a directive, she lets me know that she means it to be an exploration and not a directive. She told me she would not state directives because it opens up the possibility of a patient feeling as if they have to behave in certain ways/'perform' and the possibility of thinking they have displeased, disappointed the therapist, or even the possibility that they have pleased the therapist (instead of pleasing themselves).

She wants to help me by thinking with me, and supporting my decisions.

[WikidPissah]

She only gives advise when I directly ask for it, and it's usually specific on how to handle certain situations...like dealing with my mom or siblings.

My therapist gives me advice and it is the one thing they are not supposed to do. I like it when I can't make my own decisions(which happens alot) and she will give me some suggestions and ask how I would feel about them.
Her latest one is for me to move out on my own and get a little dog- I like this advice but I am scared to live alone.

My t loves to give advice and i appreciate it.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

My T does what most of the others do ... I wonder statements ... but then she stunned me with, "you need to go see a divorce lawyer."

Best advice I've ever received.

[wotchermuggle]

If I ask for direct advise, he usually does. It has been a game changer for me in those situations.