Couch 47.0 (we finally debugged)

Lola- Office hag was actually good today. We had a bit of a crisis and she was very helpful. This time it was someone else having the issue and it was so out of character for that person it scared the hell out of me.

I guess I've never posted too much (although I read often), but for me it's either because I am in a bad place, or because I don't think I have anything worthwhile to add to any discussion. I only have a couple of people in my real life and I only see them every couple of months or so.

MEU - I am glad to see you back.

Thanks, trdleblue!

Hoping to be able to catch up on the couch soon....hoping everyone is doing ok.

*** POSSIBLE TRIGGER - MENTION OF ABUSE ***

Had group T tonight...one guy has anger issues and one of the members felt threatened. He made it clear that he wanted to lunge towards the person, grab her and hurt her. T stepped in and tried to help him work through his anger - and then said that it would be helpful for the group if he could be clear about how his feelings and fantasies are just that - and that he wouldn't act out on those impulses. Initially, he wasn't able to commit to that.

....I told him I wasn't afraid of him. And I would rather he attack me instead, because I'd probably enjoy it (how freakish is that, coming from someone who was physically, sexually and emotionally abused). And, I told him that since he wasn't able to make that commitment - and T has always said that he would never have someone in group that was a threat for violence, safety is key - then I would not be returning to group.

He then made a firm commitment that if he were to be triggered by his anger that badly, he would not lay a hand on anyone in the room and that he would just walk out instead.

So.....I'm kinda struggling with something. Did I basically give him an ultimatum? Or, was I just stating a boundary and setting a limit? I'm kinda confused....

I tend to start new threads rather than post here. On the couch, I react rather than initiate.

You faced him down and won!

You found your power.

You may have made an enemy, though.

PS:

I request permission to be proud of you.

Aww, thanks, CE!!

Permission granted

I don't think I made an enemy. He and I have connected before, and I am not currently the target of his anger. He said that when I do address him, it feels non-confrontational to him, that I do it in a way that helps him receive it, even if it's stuff that's hard to hear. (For example, we had a whole exchange about how I perceived him as acting arrogant, how it's what seems to be a defense mechanism at work to help shield him from feeling anger, hurt, embarrassment, etc. I guess I worded it in a welcoming way.)

I am just wondering if my comment will end up doing more harm than good. Had he not committed to remaining non-violent, I'd imagine that I would've followed through on not returning to group T AND I would've been furious with T for letting him stay.

Hey all...

good to see the posts from last night. I was beginning to think I was driving peeps away.

I see you Ready. Sorry we haven't really been on at the same time.
Granite...looking forward to your return. Are you coming home today?
Critter...hoping for a quick recovery for you
Trdle...you always add interesting things
Lola...I don't like your new job, cause you don't hang so much.
Sconnie...good deal with the bf.
Squirrel...hang in there
((MUE))

Everyone else...((((hugs))))

I am working at the wildlife center today, then I am babysitting this afternoon. H is taking my computer in a few minutes, it's getting sent out for repair. Grrrrr. I am going to be limited to my nook and phone for ten days.

Good morning, wiki!!! I missed you!!!

Grr about the computer...but aww, about the wildlife center! I would LOVE something like that.

I woke up feeling so sore this morning cuz yesterday I had my botox treatment for my migraines...so I was jabbed with a bunch of needles in my neck, shoulders and base of my skull...as well as a couple big ol' cortizone injections in my lower back for sciatica. My neurologist is the one person I look forward to seeing...and always pray that he will be able to jab me with needles. Hoping it helps!

I hope it helps too MUE.

Son gave me his laptop...so I am in like flynn. I haven't been to the wildlife center in ions...I am surprised they took me back. It's a huge process to volunteer there, took me over two years to get in the first time. I am still going to be doing their books, but today I start hands on wildlife treatment. kind of. I can't work with rabies vector species because my immune system won't tolerate the vaccination process. But hey, squirrels and birds and raptors and water foul and turtles and and and....there's a lot more.

Thanks, wiki!

I am so envious!! I wonder if they have wildlife centers around my neck of the woods. Maybe I can add that to the list of things I want to get into once my life stabilizes.

well, volunteering almost always leads to job opportunities. I was asked to be the financial director there last year, I declined. I've also been offered positions at the homeless shelter and domestic violence shelter as well. I told my daughter to volunteer at the youth center, and she landed a marketing position. It's a good way to get your foot in the door, and even if you don't get a job there, it looks awesome on your resume, especially when you've been out of work for a while.

On a decent note, I joined that agency and have already done 7 assignments in the last 2-1/2 weeks. I've had my struggles and it's certainly nothing consistent and reliable, but I am hoping that when my unemployment runs out, this can be my saving grace so that I don't lose my home before finding full time work!

The one greatest stressor is not knowing when I'll be asked to do an assignment....at this moment, I have nothing else scheduled. The other stressor is allowing myself to be on-call for emergencies...which means I have to be able to drop everything that I'm doing and run...which has happened twice in the last 2-1/2 weeks, causing me to lose an entire night's sleep both times and having to wake my daughter up to take her to my moms in the middle of the night. So unfair to her....but I need to get my foot in the door as a reliable source.

Wow, that's awesome, wiki! Definitely something to consider!

That's awesome MUE! Not the middle of the night part, but the foot in the door part. I am sure as they find out your value you will be able to ease in stipulations and boundaries. Sounds very hopeful. Good for you.

shout out to
APT
hope your doing well my Swedish friend.
Miss you!

Has anyone had a wen removed? wens are lumps on your scalp, they are actually a cyst that takes literally a decade to grow. I have several, they're hereditary. Two are poking above my hair a bit and it's time to get rid of them. Just wondering if it's painful.

Thanks, wiki!

Also, I donated a couple of my beaded wine stoppers to an organization that my daughter is not a part of - but my neighbors kids are...and she bought several items from me in the past and referred several people to me. So, I thought it was the least I could do.

Well, that turned into orders for me! I have one customer buying a couple of purse chains and another buying a couple of wine stoppers. Of course, they wanted a couple things that I didn't have on hand (ugh) so I had to order some supplies. But it's well worth it because ultimately the word spreads, and I get more business. They also told me they would be ordering again in the near future as we brainstormed ideas for unique anniversary gifts and mother's day gifts.

Wiki, my one aunt and my one uncle both have had them removed. My aunt said it wasn't painful as the area was numbed and it was just a little sore afterwards.

I had one removed from my inner thigh, which is quite uncommon. Getting the needle behind the cyst was quite painful - but after that, it was a breeze. Since it was so close to my lady parts, I told the doc that he could've at least bought me flowers and taken me out to dinner first! LOL.

Hey wiki!

Hey everyone!

thanks MUE. That's what I've read, but it's good to hear it from a person..

Hi BPA
How's the weather there? It's pouring rain here, for the 3rd day in a row. Trying not to gripe about it though.

Perfect weather, can't beat the tropics even when it rains!

Think of all the new life rains brings, freshens the air blah blah blah...
How are you feeling?