some of my past unfolded now what

good job in t yesterday chickie!

Granite, you know that my opinion is that our parents essentially poisoned other adults against us so that no one would believe it if we told about the abuse. I know that is what my mother did to me, and I feel certain it's what your mother did to you. Please don't let her poison you against yourself.

How was your session, granite?

How are you feeling now?

hey peeps. i am doing OK. last night i was bombarded with icky feelings that kept me awake but i am holding it together well. i find it strange that i cant seem to talk about this much to my peeps here or my hubby. it kind of scares me that i am shutting down here also as far as talking about what is going on in my head. i cant even seem to wright it in my journal at all.i am just hoping it isn't me fighting to just keep it all in and under control. you know the old don't say nothing,don't see nothing,don't feel nothing and all is good kind of thing

but if i want to try and look at things in a different light ...maybe if i am talking some about all this hard stuff i don't feel the need so much to come here and vomit all this misery on to all of you.

I am glad the therapist did not have a bad reaction.
I think the things you are experiencing now, post therapy, are not unusual. Highly unpleasant, but not odd.

Granite, none of us will think badly of you if you come here to vent. If you are afraid of people's reaction, maybe put a trigger warning on the post, or just say that you're only venting. If it bothers someone, they can avoid reading your thread. Hang in there, and please feel safe to post about your reactions if you think it might help.

Granite, I hope you don't feel pressured to post about this. This is very deep personal stuff and you can handle it any way you want. Sometimes it's good to just go inside yourself and deal with it. Other times venting can help.

There's a time to share and vent, and a time to be quiet and look within. Trust your instincts.

when i first got to her office i was really really scared,she knew this and brought up the e-mail i sent her(she never usually does this) anyway i still couldn't talk about it at all. my T asked if it was something i was not sure was a safe thing to talk about . i don't know how but she seemed to make it somewhat OK to talk about. i don't really understand but she seems to have changed so much.it is hard to trust it..who changes that much in a week. but she seems to have .ever sense that melt down i had. i so didn't want to talk to her about my report cards .i told her i didn't want her to read how horrible i was.that it was nice to have one person who knew me and didn't think i was horrible. she just seemed to be so caring about how i was feeling . she asked me if i could remember exactly what was in the e-mail. i shook my head no .but i did remember sending it and the just of what was in it .she did push me some and was not letting me get away with just ignoring things(she said she was not going to let me do that anymore) it made me feel bad. i got some water and avoided all i could and she was pretty direct about what i said . i repeated what the mother had written and we talked some about kids and child psychology. she pulled out some papers from a seminar she went to on child psychology and read the words >when things are right a child acts right. she said all the stuff you all said . she was very kind and said some very interesting things about how a child behaves in school and responds to abuse and all kinds of things. i don't know why but how she was talking to me felt so humiliating to me. it felt strange. i couldn't accept it as my truth. it all felt strange and i just couldn't hear it well. but i did feel that she understood what i was trying to tell her. but it was like i didn't want her to empathize with me at all. it isn't her memories.
ill write more when i can.i dont know why but i cant find words that feel right i really can't not even what i wrote but i am trying. i know she is all about this selfcompassion stuff but yuck.

I'm glad your T is acting differently with you, or maybe you're perceiving her as different. She's always wanted to help you. Maybe you both changed a little! The work you're doing is very difficult so you're probably going to have a lot of unsettled feelings about it. Therapy is a slow process and there's no way to speed it up. You're going to get there, though!