I want to text my T, telling her I want to terminate...but i dont?

I feel so embarrassed writing this, but thought i'd let you all know that i contacted my T and decided that i WILL be going in to see her next week.
I told her that i think we have both made mistakes, and she offered my a different day and time to come and see her.
It's going to be hard going back to see her after my stupid childlike behaviour this week.
*sigh* Why does it always have to be so hard!???

I don't think you should feel embarrassed. I'm really happy and pleased you have decided to go back in and see her. Try to keep an open mind, as your T might just surprise you.

I've just been to see mine. I thought he was sick and tired of my stupid childlike behaviour. I thought I was a giant pain in the rear end. I was wrong, as ever. And the thing is, my T wasn't at all surprised by any of this. They're used to it. They don't judge us like we judge ourselves.

Something my T said that might help you: he said the image of the good-enough therapist vanishes because I don't have a template for that, because I haven't had a good-enough anything else. That I need somebody to trust, but I don't know how.

And that these ruptures ARE the therapy, when they occur, and they're really important. Please try not to fret. I hope it goes well with your T as well, will be in your pocket if you like!

I am SO happy that you decided to call. It is difficult tolerating shame and embarrassment in therapy, but you can do this! I don't think your behavior is stupid or childlike, maybe more like behavior that is a result of fear, shame, and feeling exposed. This is okay to feel this way, Healing! I know it will be difficult, but keep pushing forward! Post here if you need to !!!! Good for you for taking care of your needs.

Healingtimes,
I think its great that you contacted your t. Yes you reacted but you are entitled to your feelings and reactions. You were brave to contact your t and tell her how you felt and even braver to go back and talk it through and decide to face you problems that is not stupid or childish its admirable

Thanks so much for the support and encouragement you guys, it means the world to me right now.

tiny- your therapists words about a 'good-enough therapist' really spoke to me. Thanks so much for sharing it with me.

You are welcome, I'm really glad if it helped. This thread was so timely for me - we've been going through the same thing and I really hope it all gets resolved for you.