[Freewilled]

Have you ever gotten very angry at your T for something kind of vague? Maybe he/she wasn't empathetic enough or seemed to not really understand you. Or something that's not obvious bothered you (not serious violations of ethics or whatnot).

If so, how did you work through it? If you told your T, how did he/she respond?

[stopdog]

I tell the therapist all the time. She does not respond.

[anilam]

Many times- sometimes I told him, sometimes he told me.
Be prepared for the discussion why/what for though

[rainbow8]

Yes, I've gotten angry with my T lots of times for small things like that. They really aren't small, though. I suggest discussing it with your T as anger in therapy is important, as is any emotion you feel towards your T. My T is always curious about my anger or anything else I'm feeling. She doesn't get angry back. Good Ts, and I hope yours is, do not get angry with US. They want to help us get to the root of the anger.

[skeksi]

My T's life mission is for me to get angry at him, I think. He loves it when I do.

How do I work through it? I freak out, am scared to tell him, cry, squeak it out, cry, and feel way better. That's my process--I'm learning to feel safe around anger by getting angry at him. He's always very receptive, accepting, and kind about it. But it's also not like I'm yelling or being cruel with what I say.

[Raging Quiet]

I agree.

I've been feeling very angry at my T recently for lots of little things.

[tinyrabbit]

Yes, lots - I talked about this a bit in my thread about self-sabotage. I am forever freaking out and losing trust in my T and then this drama queen side of me comes out. Telling my T how I feel and discovering that he cares and won't reject or invalidate me has been a really important part of my therapy.

[Anne2.0]

He seems to get so much enjoyment out of my expressions of anger at him, that he takes the fun right out of it.

If I say I feel vaguely homicidal, he seems amused. If I say I'd like to plunge a sharp object between his eyes, he cracks up. If I look around for something sharp, he practically fall out of his chair. Perhaps he doesn't take me so seriously.

We like to argue about whether anger is a "primary" emotion or not. There are those who like to say that anger is really an emotion secondary to being hurt or disappointed or not having your needs met. Sometimes that is true for me, sometimes I just feel pissed off.

I haven't found any difficulty with T's dealing with anger, in any of the three that I have seen. Although I might find that they might have more difficult with anger towards them than when I am discussing anger at someone else, I haven't found that to be true. My current T deals with anger in the same way he deals with anything else I say-- he tries to make sure he understands what I mean, he tries to help me understand where it comes from or how I'm interpreting where it comes from, he tries to help me figure out if this is something I want or need to change. It's just not anything that is outside of any other issue or emotion.

I find anger relatively easy to express. I have more difficulty speaking up about my disappointment, unhappiness, or other issues that make me more vulnerable. When I'm angry, I feel strong, like nobody ought to mess with me. People around me notice my anger. The other things, not so much, probably because I'm a master at hiding and ignoring them.

I think that if I were to express anger at my T, he'd uncork the champagne I only do shame, and fear, but those two are pretty constant during all sessions. Anger is a much more appealing emotion, I would think.

[Asiablue]

Im really angry with my new T right now and i don't know why. I think all therapists are on my s. hit-list right now.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by skeksi

My T's life mission is for me to get angry at him, I think.

I hope this is not hijacking this thread, but I wondered if this ever seems manipulative or mean? I guess if he's nice to you after he tries to make you angry, maybe it wouldn't seem like that.

[~EnlightenMe~]

My T handles my anger with curiosity. My xT sometimes was able to tolerate my anger, some times not.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by learning1

I hope this is not hijacking this thread, but I wondered if this ever seems manipulative or mean? I guess if he's nice to you after he tries to make you angry, maybe it wouldn't seem like that.

It's not manipulative or mean in the slightest. He doesn't try to provoke me, just welcomes my natural anger when we have a miscommunication or misunderstanding. I may have chosen my words poorly. It might be clearer if I said his dearest wish is for me to get mad at him--so I can learn that getting mad at people is safe to do.