[SummerTime12]

I started therapy a little over a month ago and I think I've gone about 4 times. I have a few questions, so if anyone would like to answer them, that would be great!
I told my counselor a lot of thoughts I had and I was like "I have no idea what I'm thinking or why I feel like this about that, I don't even understand myself!" She responded "you've got me stumped!" She's said this twice now actually. It didn't bother me because in the end we figured out whatever it was, but is that normal?
Another thing, sessions are 45-60 min and she always ends mine at 45, aside from 1 that was an hour. Is this her choice or can I ever ask for the 15 more min when she starts ending at 45 min? I'm totally fine with it either way, I would just want to know so that if I have something else to talk about I know if I can ask for more time or not.
Thanks!

Hi Summertime, I don't know why your counsellor responded like that, but as long as you are working through things, I think its OK.
Sometimes my T ends sessions early and I wonder the same thing, as others seem to take the whole 50 mins, but then again I don't take part in the chit-chat that my T tries to instigate at the end of session. Maybe thats why I always leave unsettled.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

I started therapy a little over a month ago and I think I've gone about 4 times. I have a few questions, so if anyone would like to answer them, that would be great!
I told my counselor a lot of thoughts I had and I was like "I have no idea what I'm thinking or why I feel like this about that, I don't even understand myself!" She responded "you've got me stumped!" She's said this twice now actually. It didn't bother me because in the end we figured out whatever it was, but is that normal?
Another thing, sessions are 45-60 min and she always ends mine at 45, aside from 1 that was an hour. Is this her choice or can I ever ask for the 15 more min when she starts ending at 45 min? I'm totally fine with it either way, I would just want to know so that if I have something else to talk about I know if I can ask for more time or not.
Thanks!

yes sometimes it is normal for a therapist to say things like "you've got me stumped" therapists are not this all knowing higher power and they cant read your mind. if you dont tell them whats going on then they are not going to know whats going on....my therapist used a christmas present as an example...someone hands you a wrapped up present...how are you supposed to know whats inside? sure you can shake it, drop it, and do all kinds of things before someone finally opens that present but even guessing may not tell the person what that present really is..

I can sit there in my therapists office and rattle off all my diagnosis and then say I dont know what Im thinking...well if I dont know what Im thinking how is my therapist going to know what Im thinking? she cant like the unopened christmas present the only way for someone to know whats inside is by opening up and telling the therapist whats inside.

the session length... sure you can ask your therapist for more time.. that doesnt necessarily mean shes going to give it to you. there may be a reason why she only does 45 minute sessions.. my own therapist does 50 minute sessions so that she has time to write up any notes for my files that she may need to do, and so that she can have a few minutes in between her clients to take care of her own needs like a bathroom break..therapists do need to go to the rest room, eat or get a beverage...check in with any phone messages and any number of other things too ...like my therapist says...its hard for her to concentrate on my problems if shes sitting there with a full bladder..the more you try to ignore nature the more you gotta go lol

when I need more time I let my therapist know and she schedules me for a double session (2 fifty minute sessions in one).

[So hopeful]

"You've got me stumped" sounds to me like a mix of reflecting and empathy. A more classic mirroring would go like this: - "I have no idea what I'm thinking or why I feel like this about that, I don't even understand myself!" - "You're stumped!" But maybe her expression of having heard you is combined inside her with a sharing of your feeling.

[stopdog]

I don't think the therapist saying they were stumped is all that unusual. I think it is a tactic they use and that they don't really think they are stumped, but I don't find it unusual for one to tell a client they are.

[Perna]

Only you can know what you think and feel and figure out where it is coming from based on your experiences. If you say you are stumped the counselor cannot tell you what you think and feel or why so they have to be stumped along with you. It is a mirror of you pulling a hat out of your rabbit and your counselor saying, "gee, you pulled a hat out of your rabbit, I saw that."

With the time, you need to talk to your counselor and get clear on her policy about the time and what she is doing. The time can be anything, from you seeming to have finished what you have to say/work on to your counselor running late that day to some other effort on your counselor's part to keep her day straight. There's no right or wrong way.

[SummerTime12]

Thank you everyone! I think I will ask her about the times the next time that I go, just so I know.

[anilam]

I'd say it's absolutely OK for a T to say they don't know- my tells it ATT.
With the session it's a bit weird- usually the length is specified on the first session together with the payment. I have 50 mins sessions, end them and 45 (my thing). if there's stg important I go to 50 and some clients go even to 60.
Still the length is 50 mins.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It didn't feel like a negative statement when I read what you wrote. She sounds like she is interested in help you figure things out and at that point she was stumped You stated that you felt that way in different wording, so I think she was trying to help you. Like others have said about the time of your therapy, the only way to know is ask. Take care!