I really don't know where to start and I hope that I don't change my mind and delete this...

I started seeing my therapist at the beginning of February and tbh therapy confuses me at times, I have real problems with trust and talking to my therapist.. She is a good T though, She asked about my childhood ETC in which I told her some of it, Last week she made total sense and she always asks me if I have any questions in which I always say "no" I can't seem to find my voice, she tells me over and over again that she isn't there to judge me and that it is a safe place, I often read on here and see others doing so well in therapy and have that connection with their therapist, I am not saying that I don't like my T because I do...I guess I want to feel what most of you guys feel at times.

[EllieBear]

It takes some time to get comfortable with therapy. I've been seeing my T for 5 years, and it's just been probably the last 2 years that I've finally started to trust her and open up more. You'll get there

That does seem like quite a while to be seeing someone without feeling comfortable enough to have found your voice in therapy, but everyone is different. If you have trust issues, it might just take longer to able to open up and feel comfortable.

[tinyrabbit]

I also have trust issues. I started seeing my T in December and it's sometimes a case of one step forward, two steps back. I think it's going to be a while before I trust my T.

It's okay. Your T will understand and is probably not expecting you to fully trust her for a while yet.

I think it does get easier over time... but, you know, there are those who say that therapy isn't 'supposed' to be 'comfortable'...

[ultramar]

I think like others have said, it takes time. I think trust, especially when you have difficulty with it, comes more than anything from experience, not always words. So it's understandable that maybe her reassuring words aren't helping as much as you'd like, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Over time, as you experience her as a safe and trustworthy person, it should get better. Though as someone mentioned, it's often not a straight line, but more zigzaggy, or steps forward and back.

Does your discomfort prevent you from talking about things you want to talk about? If this is the case, I find it helpful to say that I'd like to talk about/share something with you, but I'm having trouble, can you help me?

It's been 4 years and sometimes I feel more comfortable than others, but I can't say that I ever feel entirely comfortable (like I would talking to a friend, for example). I read somewhere about therapy having this ideal edge or threshold of anxiety/discomfort, where you're not too comfortable and not too uncomfortable. I'm probably wildly mis-paraphrasing, but something like that. I think the idea is that some tension is a good thing. I remember there being a really neat rationale for this, can't remember now, guess I'll have to look it up.

You'll get there!

Buttercup,
That is not a long time to see a t and to trust her yet, therapy takes time, years even. If you haven't found your voice yet, it means you don't feel safe enough to open up yet.
If your voice could talk what would it say about not being able to express what you feel?
I think you have to trust your gut and if you are not ready yet hold back until you are and eventually you and t can have a great relationship.

Originally Posted by EllieBear

It takes some time to get comfortable with therapy. I've been seeing my T for 5 years, and it's just been probably the last 2 years that I've finally started to trust her and open up more. You'll get there

Thanks

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

That does seem like quite a while to be seeing someone without feeling comfortable enough to have found your voice in therapy, but everyone is different. If you have trust issues, it might just take longer to able to open up and feel comfortable.

Thanks MKAC, I feel like a burden I suppose.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I also have trust issues. I started seeing my T in December and it's sometimes a case of one step forward, two steps back. I think it's going to be a while before I trust my T.

It's okay. Your T will understand and is probably not expecting you to fully trust her for a while yet.

The last session I told her that I had trust issues and she understood this I think.

Originally Posted by just_some_girl

I think it does get easier over time... but, you know, there are those who say that therapy isn't 'supposed' to be 'comfortable'...

I suppose that you're right, I read here that many get on so well with their therapists and it makes me wonder how this happens? but thanks

Originally Posted by ultramar

I think like others have said, it takes time. I think trust, especially when you have difficulty with it, comes more than anything from experience, not always words. So it's understandable that maybe her reassuring words aren't helping as much as you'd like, but don't beat yourself up about it.

Over time, as you experience her as a safe and trustworthy person, it should get better. Though as someone mentioned, it's often not a straight line, but more zigzaggy, or steps forward and back.

Does your discomfort prevent you from talking about things you want to talk about? If this is the case, I find it helpful to say that I'd like to talk about/share something with you, but I'm having trouble, can you help me?

It's been 4 years and sometimes I feel more comfortable than others, but I can't say that I ever feel entirely comfortable (like I would talking to a friend, for example). I read somewhere about therapy having this ideal edge or threshold of anxiety/discomfort, where you're not too comfortable and not too uncomfortable. I'm probably wildly mis-paraphrasing, but something like that. I think the idea is that some tension is a good thing. I remember there being a really neat rationale for this, can't remember now, guess I'll have to look it up.

You'll get there!

Thanks Ultra, I was never allowed to talk about my feelings as a child so it kind of feels weird talking about them, I still feel like a child now emotionally, I have huge issues with trust I have trust broken many times before.

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Buttercup,
That is not a long time to see a t and to trust her yet, therapy takes time, years even. If you haven't found your voice yet, it means you don't feel safe enough to open up yet.
If your voice could talk what would it say about not being able to express what you feel?
I think you have to trust your gut and if you are not ready yet hold back until you are and eventually you and t can have a great relationship.

Hi Mona,

Last session actually my T made a lot sense to me she was going on about how the reasons I can't trust and talk about my feelings as I was always ignored as a child so I think it's going to happen now as an adult.

[tinyrabbit]

All of this takes time. My T says what happens in the therapy room was determined by my upbringing and all we can do is notice it and work with it as it happens. There are times when I'm not capable of experiencing him as someone trustworthy who cares about me. You sound the same in that you want to trust and feel comfortable with your T but you don't have a template for that yet. You only have templates for feeling like a burden when you're not, for feeling like you shouldn't talk when you should. It will take time to undo these. This isn't a barrier to your therapy, it is part of your therapy. If you could suppress these issues from showing up in the room then your T wouldn't be able to help you fix them.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

All of this takes time. My T says what happens in the therapy room was determined by my upbringing and all we can do is notice it and work with it as it happens. There are times when I'm not capable of experiencing him as someone trustworthy who cares about me. You sound the same in that you want to trust and feel comfortable with your T but you don't have a template for that yet. You only have templates for feeling like a burden when you're not, for feeling like you shouldn't talk when you should. It will take time to undo these. This isn't a barrier to your therapy, it is part of your therapy. If you could suppress these issues from showing up in the room then your T wouldn't be able to help you fix them.

Thanks tiny, I know that you're right but I need to somehow tell myself this.
I see my T tomorrow and if I get the courage to tell her how I feel then I will

Good luck tomorrow Buttercup

[1stepatatime]

Hi,Buttercup
I am relatively new at therapy...started in January. It takes time to build a relationship...to learn to trust your T and your T needs time to get to know you. Assuming you go for an hour a week...it takes months for you both to learn each other. My T is still getting to know me and vice versa. It would be nice if we could spend more time...well, then again...maybe not...therapy is not easy...give it time and see where it takes you

[tinyrabbit]

Good luck, Buttercup.

Thanks.

I saw my T this morning and it was very tough and even she said herself it was a tough session, Again she wanted me to talk about my childhood this is so painful.

I do feel a little more connection each time I go...I cried in session today and felt so stupid