I have noticed and it has been pointed out to me by certain members here (you know who you are that I love my t one minute and next. Minute I hate her.
I even look for reasons to hate her, I have an idea why I might do this - because I can't be close to anyone and am afraid of it.
T has been really good to me in many ways yet I want to hate her and push her away. This happens with nearly everyone in my life. T doesn't know that I want to hate her but she senses distance sometimes and an atmosphere, she has asked if everything is ok and I will say yes. I am such a coward, I can't tell her how I really feel. Last week I shared some good news with her, she asked why I didn't tell anyone, I said I didn't have anyone to tell. She knew I had interview and asked how it went otherwise I would not have told her.
She was happy for me and asked for a hug but next day I wanted to look for a reason to hate her.
Why can't I just accept that t wants best for me and give her a break, she is not perfect but neither am I, what the hell is wrong with me?

Wow this was a topic of discussion I had yesterday with my T. I told him how I loved coming to see him and yet hated coming at the same time. All he did was write some notes and then we went on to something else.
But totally see where you are coming from.

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

Wow this was a topic of discussion I had yesterday with my T. I told him how I loved coming to see him and yet hated coming at the same time. All he did was write some notes and then we went on to something else.
But totally see where you are coming from.

Sorry I know it's hard he didn't suggest a reason why you might do it? Or do you know why?

I have feeling that I want to be close to people as it was something I lacked when younger but to get too close is dangerous so before that happens I do something to sabotage the relationship. For instance I can manage to make friends but when it gets too intimate I stop communicating. I think I just had an "aha" moment there. I'm off to write it in my little notebook.

[precious things]

I think that for those of us with trust issues or have had our trust violated, the T relationship becomes difficult to manage. Where else in life do we find someone who unconditionally and without judgement hangs on our every word? Who is there week after week to only help us improve our lives? We begin to realize that we have wants and needs that are not being met in real life and we expect the T to fall into the same trappings as our other relationships. And sometimes, it is such an awesome gift that having this other person witness your pain or struggles that you feel like they will surely cause you pain or disappointment- so we push back first.

Originally Posted by Bipolarartist

I have feeling that I want to be close to people as it was something I lacked when younger but to get too close is dangerous so before that happens I do something to sabotage the relationship. For instance I can manage to make friends but when it gets too intimate I stop communicating. I think I just had an "aha" moment there. I'm off to write it in my little notebook.

I think you explained very well and as if we both had the same experience bi, I hope that you can use this aha moment to your advantage

Originally Posted by precious things

I think that for those of us with trust issues or have had our trust violated, the T relationship becomes difficult to manage. Where else in life do we find someone who unconditionally and without judgement hangs on our every word? Who is there week after week to only help us improve our lives? We begin to realize that we have wants and needs that are not being met in real life and we expect the T to fall into the same trappings as our other relationships. And sometimes, it is such an awesome gift that having this other person witness your pain or struggles that you feel like they will surely cause you pain or disappointment- so we push back first.

Yes, that is exactly it precious but now we need to fins someone URL to provide those needs.

[ready2makenice]

Wow this is totally me,I'm always cancelling sessions and then asking my T to come in or come back. Tell my T I love coming in some days and other days I dread being anywhere near.

I think the fact that whatever each of us individually were lacking in the past,we somehow have this expectation that our T is there to fix it and to fill that void for us. I've told my T "this seems too good to be true" then I run.

It takes times but that's what they're there for.
Sorry you're feeling this way

[ultramar]

I think trust is part of it. Or it depends on the person. But I think another part is accepting disappointment and that no one, including our therapists, are going to be 'perfect.' I think if you have a tendency to idealize others then there may also be a tendency to do the opposite as well with the same person (jargon-y, but some call it 'devaluation'). I guess the goal is to find a place in between and simultaneous, where you can accept the disappointments while at the same time keeping in mind that there are positive things about that person who disappointed you (and vice versa).

Somehow, both (and more) need to co-exist, so that one isn't always on a rollercoaster between loving and hating. Maybe one place to start would be, I like this about you and I don't like that about you (or I don't like what you said), instead of I like/love you, I don't like/hate you. That can leave some room for other things along the continuum.