[robutts]

I've been seeing someone for a few months now, and they're the 4th therapist I've seen over the years. I'm beginning to doubt if they're a good fit for me or not, which is hard because I don't even want to think about having to find someone else, which was a difficult enough process to go through to find this one. My first therapist I had when I was 8 or 9 after writing in a journal about suicidal thoughts I'd had which were related to living in a verbally abusive and violent household under my mother's second husband. She got a divorce a few years after that.

My middle two therapists were not very good and so I didn't see them for very long.

Basically my problem is that I feel like there is something very wrong, but I've never done talk therapy that seems to want to go beyond the contextual. You know, "it seems like you're sad because your friend is treating you poorly", etc.

I have a number of symptoms from practically every mental illness under the sun, and my current therapist says its likely that I'm suffering from depression, anxiety, and possibly even PTSD, but seems disinterested in saying anything for sure, and it's beginning to make me doubt myself and my experiences. I feel like they're trying to avoid doing anything particularly in-depth or difficult in working with me too, and would rather just have me vent about the same things every session, and I'm getting frustrated because I feel like it's going nowhere. The validation stopped being rewarding a number of sessions ago, and I want something meatier to work on. I've tried telling them this, only to hear that they aren't sure that I actually have anything going on that's deeper than my reacting to my current bad situations and relationships.

I don't want to say that I'm craving a diagnosis, but I guess I just feel like there's much more going on than they're admitting/realizing, and it's making it difficult for me to give myself permission to frame my life and day-to-day in terms of any particular mental illness and it's stymieing. I realized this when I went to go post something more specific in these sub-forums... only to be left feeling like I couldn't because that would mean I was self-diagnosing and jumping to conclusions.

I have a lot of sensory-related anxieties and sensitivities that they seem content letting me cope with on my own even though they are some of the most disruptive of my issues. They're preventing me from getting my driver's license (I'm 24), I have a number of fears pertaining to music (live and recorded) and sound--sudden, loud noises have even triggered panic episodes--among other things. I've been suffering from abnormal fatigue that's affecting my quality of life and everything I've tried to cope with it usually leaves me more tired (de-stressing supplements, exercise, cooking, caffeine, more exposure to social situations, etc.). I'm beginning to self-medicate because I feel like I've exhausted all my non-medical options.

Basically I feel like I can't start really helping myself until I have a concrete idea of what's going on. I want my therapist to put me on some kind of productive trajectory and they are very hesitant to do so. Is this normal for people to experience during prolonged stressful periods of their life? Should I look for another therapist? Am I seeing a diagnosis as a way to escape my problems? If my environment is toxic and I can't change it in any way, is self-medicating unreasonable?

Halp

[lostinbooks]

You are seeking a diagnosis as a way to validate what you are feeling and dealing with. You deserve a diagnosis. I was a bit shaken when I got one, but then pieces started to fall into place. If you were suicidal and abused at the age of 8 or 9, then I would think you do have some deep issues.

[Leed]

I have to agree that you deserve a diagnosis, in order to have an idea of what you're dealing with. I don't think it's fair for your therapist to just leave you hanging in "outer space," floundering around, not knowing at all what's going on!

I would DEMAND a diagnosis so you can know what's going on!! We should be able to do our own research to a certain degree! I did, and I believe it helped me better understand my problem. So YOU deserve a diagnosis too!

This therapist is working for YOU. He is YOUR EMPLOYEE -- you can FIRE him if you so choose. So tell him what you want and when you want it! And if he doesn't come thru, then fire him.

I wish you the very best. Please take care, and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[ultramar]

I think many people don't fit into 'neat boxes' and that can be a good thing. I can understand how diagnosis can be validating, but I've seen it also lead people down a road of defining themselves through the diagnosis, on the lookout for any sign that this or that might be a manifestation of it, and in the process, lose so many other aspects of themselves, as everything is attempted to fit into that box.

Also, many people fit some criteria of many diagnoses, but don't rise to the level of a clinical diagnosis of that illness. Confusing maybe, but also not necessarily a bad thing.

However, if you're interested in a diagnosis, I'd suggest you get an evaluation by a psychiatrist. Don't be surprised, though, if they don't give you one right away, some prefer to observe you over time and not just go on verbal history. On the other hand, some psychiatrists will diagnose in 10 minutes, and in my opinion this can be very irresponsible. It takes time to get to know someone, it's not just a list of symptoms.

I understand the confusion and need for validation, but maybe try and identify, with your therapist, what is most impeding you in daily life, what most distresses you, keeps you from living a full life, and work on those things.

I'm not sure I understand the connection between not going deeper in therapy and not having a diagnosis (or maybe I've misunderstood you). You can identify (deep, complex) issues you want to work on, and work on them, without a diagnosis. If you feel you need more direction in therapy, to work on a deeper level, I'd talk this over with your therapist, if it turns out she/he can't work with you at the level you need, you could seek out another. Though I'm sorry you haven't had much luck with therapists, it seems.

Good luck!

[growlycat]

Diagnoses for psychiatric problems are on shaky ground these days anyways--just look at what is going on with the DSM-5.

It makes me sad when people define themselves by a disorder. We are still in the dark ages of neuroscience. You are a person, not an illness. Hugs!

[Sabra]

"The validation stopped being rewarding a number of sessions ago, and I want something meatier to work on. I've tried telling them this, only to hear that they aren't sure that I actually have anything going on that's deeper than my reacting to my current bad situations and relationships."

Robutts,

This is what jumped out to me when I read your post. IMHO, I don't believe your therapist wants to work on any deeper issues. Having said that, I wouldn't stay with this T. This therapist sounds like a rent a friend therapist for the worried well client. You obviously think there are deeper issues that need to be addressed. If the T isn't willing or capable to go with you on that journey, find someone who is.

Regards,

Sabra

[robutts]

Originally Posted by Sabra

"The validation stopped being rewarding a number of sessions ago, and I want something meatier to work on. I've tried telling them this, only to hear that they aren't sure that I actually have anything going on that's deeper than my reacting to my current bad situations and relationships."

Robutts,

This is what jumped out to me when I read your post. IMHO, I don't believe your therapist wants to work on any deeper issues. Having said that, I wouldn't stay with this T. This therapist sounds like a rent a friend therapist for the worried well client. You obviously think there are deeper issues that need to be addressed. If the T isn't willing or capable to go with you on that journey, find someone who is.

Regards,

Sabra

I'm beginning to think so too... since coming here and laying things out I've realized that they've never written anything down that I've said, which is completely counter-productive because I feel like they forget a lot between sessions. And I have to practically lay out both of my parents' histories in order to give a complete picture of my situation too, which took several hours. Couple that with a myriad of seemingly unrelated triggers, depressive episodes, toxic relationships with a large, close-knit family, and something that came completely out of left field that they suggested could be pre-verbal trauma... I guess they really aren't interested in keeping up with the details. My entire problem is nothing but details, which is probably why it's always been so easy for me to dismiss myself. :\

Thanks, Sabra~

[robutts]

@ultramar, growlycat: I've gone through a lot of "labels" in my life, and they've done nothing but help me grow and learn about myself. They're starting points for internet searches, combing through book indexes, finding support groups. I've been 5 months with this T, and I'll be coming out of it little better than I was going in. I'm not necessarily looking for a diagnosis, but I do want something concrete, even if it's coping skills (which I've asked for and never really got), suggestions on improving my quality of life (they seem to be content letting me grope around in the dark here), book suggestions, group suggestions... really, suggestions of any sort. They've given me no meaningful, proactive direction to pursue, diagnosis or not, and that's why I feel lost.

Everything I bring up, ask, or tell them ("I self medicate with alcohol" "I had a panic attack on the train and I wanted to die" "I'm thinking about staging and intervention for my father so I can try and salvage my relationship with him") always comes back around to venting about the people in my life and being told that it's ok to feel frustrated. I know it's ok to feel frustrated. But feeling frustrated, and having my frustration validated, isn't helping me get anywhere.

I know that I'm a person that's more then my constituent parts, but that doesn't negate the fact that I have constituent parts!

[CantExplain]

I'm also feeling lost and unsure. I don't suppose that helps, though.

[Sabra]

Robutts,

They actually mention the possiblity of "pre-verbal trauma" and then suggest in another session you may not have anything deeper to work on than current relationship?

You are not the one who is lost, it is your therapists who seemingly don't have a clue. Please find someone who deals with trauma. You deserve someone who actually "hears" you and is able to provide a safe therapeutic environment.

Regards,

Sabra

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by robutts

I'm beginning to think so too... since coming here and laying things out I've realized that they've never written anything down that I've said, which is completely counter-productive because I feel like they forget a lot between sessions. And I have to practically lay out both of my parents' histories in order to give a complete picture of my situation too, which took several hours. Couple that with a myriad of seemingly unrelated triggers, depressive episodes, toxic relationships with a large, close-knit family, and something that came completely out of left field that they suggested could be pre-verbal trauma... I guess they really aren't interested in keeping up with the details. My entire problem is nothing but details, which is probably why it's always been so easy for me to dismiss myself. :\

Thanks, Sabra~

Have you shared all of this with your T? Are you afraid of telling your T about what you think is going on because she will brush it off? It sounds like you know that there is something going on with you that you need help with, but that maybe you are afraid to articulate and put it out there? It sounds like you doubt yourself, which can be a huge indicator of being invalidated at a young age (not saying this is fact, just a possibility). What kind of therapist do you see? Can you write everything down and give it to your therapist to read? If she brushes you off, it may be time to find someone else. Keep us posted

[robutts]

Originally Posted by Sabra

Robutts,

They actually mention the possiblity of "pre-verbal trauma" and then suggest in another session you may not have anything deeper to work on than current relationship?

You are not the one who is lost, it is your therapists who seemingly don't have a clue. Please find someone who deals with trauma. You deserve someone who actually "hears" you and is able to provide a safe therapeutic environment.

Regards,

Sabra

Thank you, and you're right... when it's put so plainly like that it does sound like this is a bad T for me. :s

[robutts]

Originally Posted by Antimatter

Have you shared all of this with your T? Are you afraid of telling your T about what you think is going on because she will brush it off? It sounds like you know that there is something going on with you that you need help with, but that maybe you are afraid to articulate and put it out there? It sounds like you doubt yourself, which can be a huge indicator of being invalidated at a young age (not saying this is fact, just a possibility). What kind of therapist do you see? Can you write everything down and give it to your therapist to read? If she brushes you off, it may be time to find someone else. Keep us posted

I think what I'm going to do is get a new T and then write everything down and give it to them if it feels like we'll be a decent fit. I've given the current T things to read (emails, print outs of things I've found relevant) and they're awful at following up on them. :\