Couch 51 - They also serve

Murray remind your mother it's all confidential and to mind her own bees wax! You have enough bs to deal with without her adding to it.

Murray, that must have been incredibly frustrating to hear. It amazes me what comes out of people's mouths sometimes. And if your mom's right, I'm screwed.

I see T first thing in the morning....and I am feeling pretty shut down at the moment. *sigh*

I really need to regroup and figure out what I need from therapy, or I'm just going to keep running around in circles getting nowhere.

I'd imagine my T may want to talk about me planning to discontinue group. My instinct is to tell him that we can discuss that on his time - not during my individual therapy time - that I've wasted enough of my individual sessions dealing with group issues.

But then that leaves me with just me and my issues...and I'm feeling way too disconnected and mistrusting right now to do that work.

Anyway, goodnight, couch peeps!

Night MUE sleep well!

Granite the falcon trio pics look like little football players!! So tough! And so much bird poop, man!!

OK, so sleep isn't happening at the moment. *sigh*

Just took a xanax. Hope it helps. I'm tempted to take a muscle relaxer, but it makes me so groggy the next day - and I usually only take them when I can't deal with the muscle spasms anymore.

I wish sleep was a good escape. Instead, it seems to just heighten the crud in life.

I need help! My T wants me to try and connect the the empty hole in me and the thing he has but I don't and why I need it and how wanting to have sex with him fits into it. He wants some of this in writing. Putting feelings into words isn't my strong point as I was trying to express how i felt in session but it all came out in sighs and strange grunting noises when I did. I can draw stuff, no problems. But how do you put feelings into words?
Should i do it in a stream-of-consciousness way, make a list? What if I don't know the words for the feelings should I draw it and take it so we can discuss it? He just gave vague instructions like "Do it by writing, drawing..."
I know he wants words as he is big on words and I have such difficulties.
Why doesn't therapy have a manual?

BPA, I'd imagine that getting your body to a place where you're not over thinking...and just start writing anything that comes to you without censoring or judging it or even trying to make sense of it. Many times, we have great resistance to things or feel blocked because our brains get in the way of what our body is trying to tell us. I struggle with this quite often, so I know it can be a hugely difficult task to overcome.

Seems like the xanax didn't help me get to sleep yet.

OK, I'm going to just shut off the computer, clothes my eyes and see if I can force myself to sleep.

Goodnight...again.

Thanks MUE I do tend to freak out a bit when I have to describe feelings. I'll try breathing next time. Lack of oxygen doesn't help in these situations.

Hope you sleep well.

once again sleep eludes me

Did you manage to get some sleep Lola??

Try drawing it and then write what you've drawn.

Thanks CE, now why didn't I think of that? lack of oxygen and panicking about the F (feelings) word probably didn't help. Cheers.

Good morning sleepy peeps. I love the baby hawks granite. Yesterday I had to clean several avian enclosures..so sick of bird poop. I love the baby birds, but they smell bad, and oh so much poop. Bird poop has to be the yuckiest of all animal poop. Runny, smelly and everywhere. I loved building nice clean nests for the babies, but low and behold they pooped all over it. On the plus side, the docs say that I am a natural with the little buggers. I had a couple take off on me, but I caught them no problem. I really just want to be with the bunnies and possums. Seriously. Two showers later and I still smell of bird poop.

Just peeking in to say hi.

I've been gone a lot on the weekends without internet access and scrambling to get done at work during the weeks so I can go away on weekends.
Had my follow-up tests yesterday at the hospital. Of course they tell you nothing then. Sit and wait. T today... guess what the topic will be...
Hope you all are doing well.

<Wiki runs across the room, pounces on sconnie, and gives her a huge hug>

I've MISSED you! How's the boy?

Good morning, couch peeps.....

Wiki, can you ask to not handle the bird stuff?

Have my T session in just over an hour. I'm predicting that I am going to have cold, adamant, heartless T today. I find that when he's angry, frustrated or disappointed in me, it affects the way he is towards me. I guess that's being human, but it makes me feel unsafe. I hope I have the courage to speak today.

Anyway....gotta get going. I have an assignment for a few hours this afternoon too. Woot woot.

Hope everyone has a good day.

(((( Sconnie ))))

That sitting and waiting is torture. Hope your T session goes well. Nice to see you on the couch!

Hi!!!!
The boy is good... very good. He's a very sweet guy. We are going to his parent's cabin this weekend. I am going to learn how to fish. But I think all my fishes are going back into the lake.

ETA: I'll try to pop in here more often... maybe once a day. The watchdogs at work are prowling internet usage so now accessing PC from work... and I've been working some 12 hour days lately.

Hi MUE

I hope it goes well MUE.

Morning Sconnie and Wiki and anyone else up, and hello to those across the ocean (or oceans). I hope that everyone has a good day.

I'm still feeling very uneasy about things and I don't know how to deal with it. Why does reaching out have to be so difficult? I'm worried if I don't that I will stop going to t and group altogether. Silly of me, but that is where I am at right now.

Sconnie - I hope that you don't have to wait too long for the results, and of course that everything is okay with you.

Morning all! Sconnie, good to see you.

Wikid, the bird poop is horrible. I remember having to clean out the chicken coop growing up. It was no fun.

My son is still really nervous every morning about his internship, so I have been getting up with him and hanging out with him. He is SO worried about making mistakes and ruining it for any other 18 year olds to get hired in the future. He has to drive into a big city about an hour from here for the job, and we never go to that city. We don't get a newspaper from it, basically know nothing about it, because we go the other way always, to the nearest big city in the opposite direction, where my MIL lives.

Anyway, the point of that was to say that yesterday, the mayor of said big city walked into the politician's office where my son is working and asked to see the politician. My son asked the guy's name. THEN because the guy was kind of pissy and said it really fast, my son couldn't catch the name and asked him to REPEAT IT. HAHAHAHAHA. Poor mayor, thinking he's all important and everyone knows how he is. LOL. Unfortunately, though, my son felt badly about it.