Couch 51 - They also serve

god these guys always think they are all so darn important, it is awsome your son let him know how life really is for the people who do not need to kiss his but for money lol.

The baby falcons are sooo cute. squeee! (I don't usually say that I must have missed my meds)

There is a fly dying under my laptop. **** sorry, thought i was on twitter.

Wht do Ts have to say "How does that make you feel when i say that?" but never like "That sounds logical" as an answer?

morning to everyone
hi sconnie

Good afternoon all.

I hate therapy. And I hate myself. And I hate therapy. *goes to hide under a pile of old leaves*

Is your name Russell??

Er.... no. I'm afraid I'm not catching the reference - the only Russell I know of is Bertrand, and I don't think he hid out under leaves, much

I was referring to the noise dead leaves make when a small animal is moving under them. Rustle, rustle.

Thank you - I needed the giggle!

sending some hugs mastodon if you want them

Thank you. I really do want those. I know I can seem rather prickly but I don't mean to be like that - everything just seems to hurt these days.

you seem to be having a horrible time with life and T i just wish i knew what to say to help.i am glad you have come back with us and are here to get some suport with it all. do you want to tell us what is going on? did you have T today

I'm sorry, granite - I know it's horribly hard when people you care about are hurting and you don't know what's going on or what to do to help. I did have T today. It was rather horrible, and I felt as if he was really frustrated with me all the time, without actually telling me so. When he said my time was up I bolted out of the chair and ran downstairs without saying anything. That was in the middle of a discussion about whether he reassures me too much, when I just wanted to yell at him "Yes you do reassure me too much, because I am a despicable human being who deserves no reassurance at all!" - but of course that would sound like I was fishing for reassurance, so I simmered and said nothing.

((Matsodon)) that sounds so painful. Ugh...why is this therapy stuff so hard?

you know, murray (and everybody else, too, whether you're in T right now or not) - we're a pretty strong bunch of people, who manage to do this.

((( Mastodon )))



Big hugs to you, my friend. I wish things were easier.

Just got back from T....It was not a very productive session. Talked mostly about my frustration with my mom and how my life is headed for a train wreck and I can't seem to find the energy or focus to be able to steer clear of the destruction ahead.

Towards the end of the session, I mentioned that I felt good about my decision to discontinue group. He said something along the lines of, at least I made a decision. That was that. No talk about the discontinuation process or closure. I should have asked, but I was feeling a bit closed off at that moment. *sigh*

I'm not sure how I feel about it at the moment. I'm hurting, that something I know for sure. I am scared that I will regret my decision. At the same time, when I think of all the stress group causes me, I feel pretty confident that it's not something I can continue to endure. And there will be some big changes coming - new member (always stirs up anxiety for me), new co-T (added frustration cuz the notes will come later), and the member who made threatening comments will be returning (I feel humiliated by reaching out to him and getting nothing in return. I want nothing to do with him.) Add to that, the fact that I can't seem to tolerate being in a room full of people who now know about my past CSA - and my discomfort/silence is draining the room of energy (according to my T). And I pay for all of that. I'll be saving over $2,000/year by not going.

On the flip side, I've grown to care for many of the members and know that some would be supportive of me through my ups and downs. I also gain a lot of insight during the sessions. And I will be losing being part of something that has the potential to bring a lot of awareness and value. They are the one and only IRL group of people that I have, really.

I don't know.

Good Morning.....

Russell...LOL that reminds me of a song my youngest used to sing..

Toe Knee Chestnut.... his friends russell and skip, neil , bob , ilean....LOL

I slept 5 hours.... not bad better then the 3 i average

i am so glad you can see i care about ou because i do. i so get the whole reasurance thing .my T says i need to check out my feelings with her when i think she hates me or is wanting to kick me to the curb and things like that .but i will not because i know if i did that every time i know in a very short time she would be in that place of thinking she is reasuring me to much. it is so hard to be in that place of always feeling so insecure .i dont have a clue how T's can help us get past that without constantally reasuring us . and then there is the fact that will you believe them if they do.

glad you got some sleep girl

((( Lola ))) - 5 hours is progress, but I hope you'll try to aim for more than that!

Welp, I did it. I posted on my group blog that I will not be returning. I felt so relieved when I initially made the decision. Why is it that now I feel so horrible?

Cool whip!!!