It bothers me when t does this. I hate it when she wears clothes like I do, colourful bright patterns and then the necklaces and rings. Sometimes she will even cross her legs when I cross mine or cough when I cough. I hate it.
Does your t mirror you, if so how? Do you like it? I am interested to hear .

No, I've never had a T do that. That would creep me out.

[~Christina]

Ewww I can't even imagine.

It creeps me out. I feel like telling her to stop. Maybe she is trying to get my anger out lol. Also she knows how much I love fairy lights, I was telling her about how I put them up everywhere at home, the following week she has them all over her office

[ballerina00]

Omg I think my therapist does this! ALL the time during our session I find us sitting in the exact same position, and I feel awkward about it and changes it, but then she moves, too, and there we are again! What's the point of mirroring?!

[likelife]

Hm, that seems a little over the top - the fairy lights (what are those, btw?). Are you sure that the purpose of her actions is mirroring? Perhaps she just think you have good taste

Here is a good explanation
Mirroring

That would creep me out!

Originally Posted by likelife

Hm, that seems a little over the top - the fairy lights (what are those, btw?). Are you sure that the purpose of her actions is mirroring? Perhaps she just think you have good taste

They are like the lights you put on your Christmas tree, only not Christmas ones( don't know if that makes sense to you)
I am not sure what her purpose was but I am hoping it was mirroring or else it was creepy

[tinyrabbit]

I think there's mirroring and then there's copying!

My T and I sometimes end up sitting in the same position - I don't know who's mirroring who though.

I've noticed my T does it after we've had BIG rupture and I think he feels he's losing me. On a regular basis no he doesn't mirror much at all.

[wotchermuggle]

I think there are other ways to mirror a person other than physically being their mirror!

I notice the big difference and impact for me is the tone of a therapist's voice and how it changes to either match mine or the type of discussion we're having.

One time, a therapist and I wore the same sweater (just different colours). I commented jokingly that he didn't have to work so hard to mirror me in session. He looked flabbergasted that I said that and said that he mirrors other clients, but its not something he does with me. Then it was my turn to be like, whaaat?

[Miswimmy1]

never had a t do that. it would creep me out. just mention it to her. its probably subconcious.

[Asiablue]

No my T doesn't do that. I would HATE it and i would tell her to stop. It seems really disingenuous unless it is completely unconscious mirroring, which if it was i doubt it would be so obvious to you and far more subtle.

[content30]

Yeah, i've never had a T do this...weird.... That would be really annoying! I'd have to call her out on it.

[Sometimes psychotic]

My pdoc does that it's OK because I think he does it to understand what I'm thinking. At least I know that he cares what I'm thinking and is paying attention but sometimes it has caused problems. One time I was having trouble leaving back into the big bad world so i paused and looked down. The next thing I know he's a quarter inch away paused and looking down. It was way too intimate for me I just wanted to touch his hair to comfort him...he's at least a foot shorter than me so my gut reaction was that of comforting a child in pain. Anyway I had to reach aside and open the door to break it up because my reaction was so bizarre....can you imagine if I had reached out to pet him like a dog?

[wotchermuggle]

I think maybe how therapists generally do this is being over-exaggerated. It's not in your face mirroring. It's being sensitive to how you're reacting and your therapist tries to stay attune to matching like your tone to show understanding.

Like if the conversation suddenly turns super difficult and serious and your voice quiets down, your therapist isn't going to ram back in full tone. He's going to quiet down, too.

My T is usually very subtle I think I notice more as I used to be a counsellor, but in my sessions I cease to be, but I still sometimes put my counsellor hat on and try to rationalise what he says. Which ultimately doesn't help me.

[healed84]

I think my T does it, but I am not sure how intentional it is. However, when I notice he has been doing it a lot, I will wait for us to go to different positions and then I mirror him.

[1stepatatime]

Wow...the fact that she mimics everything that you do...it would drive me crazy! Knowing me I would probably be like " ummmm, why in the hell are you doing that??" lolol But to answer your question, no...my T doesn't do that ( at least not that I have noticed). Maybe you could bring it up...tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Have a wonderful evening : )

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It bothers me when t does this. I hate it when she wears clothes like I do, colourful bright patterns and then the necklaces and rings. Sometimes she will even cross her legs when I cross mine or cough when I cough. I hate it.
Does your t mirror you, if so how? Do you like it? I am interested to hear .

Are you really sure she's wearing that clothing because you do? Maybe she's come to like to dress that way? It's not considering 'mirroring' in any case. The coughing and crossing legs may be an unconscious type of mirroring or may be coincidence.

Who really knows what goes on in the mind of T's... But I'd really realty-check this if I were you. If true it would be seriously off the wall --do you think she's that out there?

I can see why this could bother you. I felt that way at first too.

My therapist used to mirror me, both in action and even in how she dressed for a brief period. We had a rupture two years ago and she stopped. I have to admit I miss it now.

Mirroring felt to the adult side of me awkward and weird at first – plus, I was not even sure it was even happening until I accidently jerked my head to the side and she did too! It just seemed strange and too close. I soon realized though that she was this person who cared enough to change even her body language to try to reach me. I imagine that mirroring like that is not easy to do while paying attention to everything else that they do in therapy. The effort she was going through itself managed to reach the adult intellectual side of me.

How mirroring works is still kind of a mystery to me, but I think it does. I do know that before our rupture, when she was still mirroring me, my inner kid was at the surface and ready to move forward. After our rupture and the mirroring stopped, I’ve really struggled to get back to that place. I don’t know if that is due to the rupture or the lack of mirroring, or both.

I think it worked with me because I’m working on attachment stuff though. If a person was in therapy working on other issues it might seem out of place.

[stopdog]

I have never noticed the woman doing it but I rarely look at her unless extremely angry at her.

[southpole]

I think that we naturally "mirror" those who we are close to, or those who we are talking to or sharing with. I think this is mostly unconscious. I know that my voice and body language change when I am, say, talking to a friend who has been going through a rough time, or celebrating something joyful with a friend. So I wonder how much on the T's part is intentional and how much is unconscious. I think my "mirrors" slightly and that it is unconscious. I think if she was spending so much time mirroring me then she wouldn't have the energy or focus to talk to me in the way that makes her the excellent T that she is.

[Perna]

How do you know you are not mirroring her? I did that quite a bit with my T, started to wear my wedding ring because I liked the look of hers on her hand, etc. You aren't her only client I don't think so it would be harder for her to pick you out and mirror you than for you to mirror her.