[WePow]

Not sure why but I feel very alone at this point in life
I wrote a poem about it and posted it in the creative corner
i have been looking at PC but have not even had the energy or words to connect with others in months
the last session with T was almost all silence
it is very odd because I feel like things are just ending all around for some reason. Stuff with work has changed so much so fast. I am still working, but I do not care anymore at all about it. I am getting off track with finances. I am hating the time I spend with friends. I dispise talking to my family (even the people I once loved).
T said it did not feel like depression. And I agree. It does not feel sad. It feels deeper than that... at a place where there are no words.
If he actually knew what really was going on in my head, I am afraid he would have me locked up for sure. But I honestly do not have the energy or desire to take any action on thoughts. I feel like if I did have any energy, maybe I could find my way back to the place where tears are.
But I don't want that.
That is the thing... I don't want anything now at all.
I am not even sure why I am writing this except I think it is my mind making an SOS signal to the world. But why? I suppose the mind knows the facts about the heart.

Maybe all this will pass. Or maybe something else will finally set me free.

[skysblue]

So sorry you're struggling. We've missed you. I'm surprised your T doesn't think it's a depression setting in. Painful. Very painful. Keep trying to reach out, ok? I kinda know what it feels like.

[littleplum]

I don't know you but i am sending you lots of love and hugs.

[Raging Quiet]

(((((Sits with you)))))

Certainly sounds like depression to me, I also get the no connection feelings too.
I hope that you start to feel better soon

[WePow]

Thank you all :-) A guy came into work who was not supposed to be here (the office is empty except me today) and he just gave me a hug and thanked me for helping him out the past 2 yrs. WOW. I so totally needed that!!!!!!!

[granite1]

hey wepow what a horrible place to be in. why not tell your T what is going on in your head. it may not feel this way right now but in the past he has proven to be helpfull.

[Miswimmy1]

sending safe hugs

[Syra]

I hear that you are in a place of no words. A place with not a lot of energy, not to hurt yourself, and not to help yourself. A place where yo don't want anything. And a place where maybe your mind is taking care of your heart. And you don't know how this will pass. Is that it?

[dizgirl2011]

Hi Wepow

I too an suprised your T doesn't think it 'feels' like depression. Depression doesn't have to be sad, it can be numb, distant, uncaring, unmotivated etc. It sounds like many of the feelings you have are very similar to a severe depression, however I guess I can't diagnose you either and you know yourself better than anyone but it sounds like you may need more help as you are at the least, very low at the moment.

(((((((huge hugs)))))))

[BonnieJean]

WePow, I'm glad you posted. I was wondering why we hadn't heard from you. I hope you will walk up and out of this valley soon. I wish for you strength and peace.

[amandalouise]

Wepow...one of my sisters is going through exactly what you posted about...her problem turned out to be peri - menopause/menopause and anemia.

I dont know how old you are but these stage of life can hit women as early as the middle 30's and as late as the 40's and 50's.

just an idea you may want to consider.

for my sister the solution was mega doses of vitamins and hormone replacement therapy other wise known as the birth control pill tailored to fit her biological /chemical needs.

[sittingatwatersedge]

WePow you are so special to me.

Maybe you are getting to the core of that stinkin' onion at last... please I hope you will accept a hug from me. you are so strong and so creative, so alive. You can get throug this; please be gentle with yourself.

let me know (PM) if I can help

love
SAWE

Sorry you're feeling this way, I can relate to that.. But you can come through this Wepow. Yes, it WILL pass. Sending you hugs and warm thoughts. I do hope you can continue to reach out and keep posting.. maybe if you don't always have words you could get creative and post some of your wonderful pictures (if you have the energy)

[Patoman04]

wow..... Its like you took the words right outta my mouth. I find it impossible to talk to anyone either and it doesn't feel like depression. Anyways, wishing you the best of luck WePow!

[lostin08]

OOOOOOOOHHHHHH WEPOW sweety you are not alone we are all here with you and for you! You are loved very much!

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( WePow ))))

Aww, I've missed you so. And I'm sorry that you're in such a tough place. I can relate to bits and pieces of what you're going through - and I wish there was an easy explanation and solution. I hope that something clicks for you soon so that you can make sense of all of this.

Know that I care. ((( HUGS )))

[WikidPissah]

((wepow)) So sorry you are in this rough patch. I agree with Granite...why not let T know what you're thinking, he's always been able to handle the bad stuff in the past. You two have been thru a lot together.

[peaches100]

(((WePow)))

I'm sorry you feel so awful! In reading how you feel, it sounds a lot like depression to me - speaking as somebody who has struggled with clinical depression before. I would suggest you and your t examine more closely if this could be the problem.

I know that in my own case, it was hard to feel motivated or work through anything when I was that low. I needed medication in order to stabilize enough to do therapy and life! I hope you feel better soon.

[sunrise]

WePow, I've missed you around here. I'm sorry you are in such a down place right now. I am glad you have your T and continue to go to therapy.

[Anne2.0]

I'm sorry, WePow. To me, what you described feels like the numbing that I typically experience as part of depression. My depression is not sad or crying or even the vegetative sort, but rather a complete absence of feeling anything at all. When I feel like I don't give a red rat's @ss about anything, especially the people and activities I know I love, then I know I'm in trouble. This is also a PTSD symptom (numbing), so it could be a kind of emotional reliving of trauma.

WePow
so sorry you are feeling like this right now. It does sound like some kind of form of depression. Feeling isolated is one of the worst feelings, so many people in the world in the world but yet we can feel like the only person in our world.
Are you finding yourself isolating yourself from others and the things you used to enjoy, like Anne said this is when we get into trouble and start feeling more alone.