Couch 52 - Are you being served?

stopdog · Jun 07, 2013, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Just wanted to throw out some comments re mue's stuff and some issues raised here:

1. This other t was functioning as a consultant t. Is it our responsibility to find a consultant t that doesn't know the original t? I don't think so.

2. The other t was ex group co t leader, so she did know mue.

3. SD keeps raising the fact that the t is male and may retaliate in some dangerous way. What is that about? I mean, obviously I know what it's about, but is it male-bashing or is it unresolved issues? Or what? That "he's gonna get mad if he finds out" sounds like something we say about a parent or sibling as a fearful child, not something an adult says, and is not a reason not to explore something in therapy.
i:

I am not male bashing - I stress male to distinguish from the female therapist. The male therapist seems to have anger and control issues to me. Not because he is male, but because of what has been reported. The interaction between the parties has seemed like if he finds out, he will be angry and take it out on the client. Not parent child - just an asshole

unaluna · Jun 07, 2013, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pbutton

I am also someone who spent much of my time parenting my parent. However, my T has been VERY clear with me that I am not responsible for parenting him, nor did I need to worry about my ex-T (back when I was talking about that termination a lot.) My T tells me to knock it off when I'm doing it.

That brings up an interesting point! Those ts are aware of it. This one is forcing mue into it, in a way, then rejecting her for doing it? Idk wtf is going on - that's the problem - or rather that he doesn't. He's just trying to bully his way thru it.

WikidPissah · Jun 07, 2013, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Ts can make serious, persistent mistakes. It is harmful to throw every difficulty onto the patient.

I wasn't throwing ALL of it onto the client...just a portion. A rupture takes two. It's rarely just one person's fault. Even though the t sounds like an a-hole, MUE isn't perfect, and I just wondered if she was seeing that. Which she is, so good for her.

stopdog · Jun 07, 2013, 03:18 PM

None of us are perfect. I have not seen anyone here putting forth that they are. I would think one could describe their interactions with therapists here without fear of being judged or put down.

WikidPissah · Jun 07, 2013, 03:22 PM

I wasn't judging or putting down. I thought I was being supportive and honest.

or are opinions not welcome here?

healed84 · Jun 07, 2013, 03:24 PM

T cancelled.. it put me in a bad mood! Sucks he cancelled a week after a really crappy session.. Won't see him until next Friday. I do have some concerns about how often he cancels/reschedules..ugh!

Need to get happy.. Today is my daughters 5th birthday, got to make her a birthday dinner and take her out for ice cream!

granite1 · 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Just wanted to throw out some comments re mue's stuff and some issues raised here:

1. This other t was functioning as a consultant t. Is it our responsibility to find a consultant t that doesn't know the original t? I don't think so.

2. The other t was ex group co t leader, so she did know mue.

3. SD keeps raising the fact that the t is male and may retaliate in some dangerous way. What is that about? I mean, obviously I know what it's about, but is it male-bashing or is it unresolved issues? Or what? That "he's gonna get mad if he finds out" sounds like something we say about a parent or sibling as a fearful child, not something an adult says, and is not a reason not to explore something in therapy.

4. Mue said the exgrpcot said that mue was acting like the t more than the t was, and that that bothered her. But from what I've read about termination - and I mean termination as in a long term closing (eg one year) of a long term relationship - an outsider can't tell who is the t and who is the client, if they sat in on a late session. The relationship becomes pretty equal. But specifically, mue has had to "parent her parent" to some extent because of her mother's hearing disability, so this would just be something different she (and I, but for different reasons) brings to t, that t may have to stretch to understand.

ETA: CE: jinx you owe me a coke!

i am completely revamping this responce so as to not be looked at as talking about mue and her STUFF instead ill direct it to MUE

hankster may be right in some points but you are an adult and no one can force you in to doing anything. you have chosen to bring this to a T how clearly there is no way she can give you an unbiast assesment of the issues but hey again if it is working for you great i will comment no more and have said so . you have also made the decision to stay with this abusive (by your own words and this other T's) partnership with your T .thats great if that is what works for you. i will say no more .just know that you do make these decisions . it isnt forced on you at all. it is now an educated choice .you were told by a consultent of you choosing he is abusive . now it is your choice. good luck

granite1 · Jun 07, 2013, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

T cancelled.. it put me in a bad mood! Sucks he cancelled a week after a really crappy session.. Won't see him until next Friday. I do have some concerns about how often he cancels/reschedules..ugh!

Need to get happy.. Today is my daughters 5th birthday, got to make her a birthday dinner and take her out for ice cream!

omg she is 5 .sorry this has ruined tis day for you . what have you got planned for her.

mixedup_emotions · Jun 07, 2013, 03:52 PM

((( Healed )))

I'm sorry T canceled. That sux.

Hope you're able to set those feelings aside so you can concentrate on your daughter's birthday. I know that's sometimes really, really hard to do...but it may be just what you need to lift some of the effects of the cancellation.

WikidPissah · Jun 07, 2013, 03:55 PM

Awww....5 that's a big one, right up there with 10. Enjoy your evening with her healed, sorry your t canceled.

WikidPissah · Jun 07, 2013, 03:56 PM

need to go get dressed up for celebrations with the H.
He told me to wear lipstick. Grrrr.

lol.

mixedup_emotions · Jun 07, 2013, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

i am completely revamping this responce so as to not be looked at as talking about mue and her STUFF instead ill direct it to MUE

hankster may be right in some points but you are an adult and no one can force you in to doing anything. you have chosen to bring this to a T how clearly there is no way she can give you an unbiast assesment of the issues but hey again if it is working for you great i will comment no more and have said so . you have also made the decision to stay with this abusive (by your own words and this other T's) partnership with your T .thats great if that is what works for you. i will say no more .just know that you do make these decisions . it isnt forced on you at all. it is now an educated choice .you were told by a consultent of you choosing he is abusive . now it is your choice. good luck

I'm not sure it's as black and white as you seem to imply. Clearly, every relationship has its favorable and unfavorable aspects. Sometimes we need to navigate rocky ground to get to a place of understanding and then assess what we can and cannot accept - and what needs to happen in order to make big decisions. I haven't gotten that far yet in this journey.

In the several years that I have been seeing T, this has only happened a few times - so I'm not quite sure it's fair to label the entire relationship as abusive. Especially when he has been instrumental in helping me detach from unhealthy relationships. He may have some tendencies that are unhealthy, but I don't truly believe that he is trying to be malicious and deliberately hurtful - even though the actions could be potentially harmful.

Thanks for the good luck wishes, although I'm not sure if that was a sincere comment.

stopdog · Jun 07, 2013, 04:00 PM

I was not saying anyone had judged. Just that I thought it was good if one could post and not be.

I would hate to wear lipstick. I don't even like chap-stick or stuff on my lips at all. And I never liked kissing anyone who was wearing it. Gives my lips the willies just thinking about it. Sometimes I use bag balm in the winter, but only in desperation because my lips bleeding is the greater of two evils.

mixedup_emotions · Jun 07, 2013, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Just wanted to throw out some comments re mue's stuff and some issues raised here:

1. This other t was functioning as a consultant t. Is it our responsibility to find a consultant t that doesn't know the original t? I don't think so.

2. The other t was ex group co t leader, so she did know mue.

3. SD keeps raising the fact that the t is male and may retaliate in some dangerous way. What is that about? I mean, obviously I know what it's about, but is it male-bashing or is it unresolved issues? Or what? That "he's gonna get mad if he finds out" sounds like something we say about a parent or sibling as a fearful child, not something an adult says, and is not a reason not to explore something in therapy.

4. Mue said the exgrpcot said that mue was acting like the t more than the t was, and that that bothered her. But from what I've read about termination - and I mean termination as in a long term closing (eg one year) of a long term relationship - an outsider can't tell who is the t and who is the client, if they sat in on a late session. The relationship becomes pretty equal. But specifically, mue has had to "parent her parent" to some extent because of her mother's hearing disability, so this would just be something different she (and I, but for different reasons) brings to t, that t may have to stretch to understand.

ETA: CE: jinx you owe me a coke!

Thanks, Hankster! I appreciate the insight.

I do think SD is right on with the idea of what kind of reaction T would have - at least, when he's in this state of mind. It's certainly not a reason not to explore it in therapy but it sure is keeping me from planning to find out.

And the "parenting the parent" stuff is really interesting to me. I've always been the "parent" to my parents. I never got the sense that this was happening with me and T, so it really caught me off guard to hear xgrpcoT mention that. Another topic I won't be exploring in therapy.

In the whole grand scheme of things, I need to prioritize what's most important for me to get out of my therapy. And I need to figure out if my T is the right T to help me with that. I'm willing to see if this is something we can work out, but I'm working towards opening up the idea of allowing for other options to be considered.

granite1 · Jun 07, 2013, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

need to go get dressed up for celebrations with the H.
He told me to wear lipstick. Grrrr.

lol.

wiki have an amazing time and forget the lipstick unless you like it .

WikidPissah · Jun 07, 2013, 04:26 PM

I will wear tinted badger balm...

He likes lipstick. I told him to get a hair cut. I like his hair short. We love each regardless, but we have certain things we like.

unaluna · Jun 07, 2013, 04:38 PM

I didn't know they tinted badgers.... ba-da-BUMP!!

We don't need no tinted badgers!

Say goodnite hankster...

Jun 07, 2013, 04:43 PM

Have a good time, wikid. I think it's sweet that you and your H make these concessions to each other. It's hard to imagine what that would be like

Goodnight, couch.

Squirrel1983 · Jun 07, 2013, 04:43 PM

Wiki, have fun tonight.

Healed, you too (with your daughter's bday).

I just got done with supper. A can of vegetable soup. And cheez-its. Not the best meal in the world, but I ate and that's all that counts.

Need to try to clean tomorrow, since I hae to work at the senior place on Sunday and watch C on Monday and go to my inservice (last day) on Tuesday (and T). Busy, busy, busy. Have to get the cleaning done tomorrow, or else I won't have time again until Wednesday. I just hate cleaning so much.

Still trying to figure out what to tell T on Tuesday. This will be one tough session as I opened quite a few cans of worms. Hopefully we can get through it all at least a little.

healed84 · Jun 07, 2013, 05:07 PM

Thanks everyone!! WE had eggs, bacon, English muffins, cantaloupe at my daughter's request for her birthday dinner. We are heading out to get some ice cream in a couple of minutes and then come back here to open a couple of presents. We are having a big party for her on Sunday.. 30 of our closest family and friends

we will even have a bounce house!!

I went back and caught up on the ouch today.... ((hugs)) to those who are hurting. I am not sure sure I can offer anymore insight to what has already been said.. Just know I am thinking for all of those dealing with tough T situations, etc!

murray · Jun 07, 2013, 07:04 PM

Clueless is on tv. Always an entertaining thing to watch. If I recall correctly, Stopdog is a fan as well.

unaluna · Jun 07, 2013, 07:07 PM

EMMA!!!

said a la Stanley calling stella in streetcar

murray · Jun 07, 2013, 07:09 PM

That made me laugh Hankster

trdleblue · Jun 07, 2013, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by murray

Clueless is on tv. Always an entertaining thing to watch. If I recall correctly, Stopdog is a fan as well.

I believe, by watching Clueless, Stopdog asks that you read Emma. I do not know if a book report is required.

I liked Clueless, but now if I watch it I think of Britney Murphey.

trdleblue · Jun 07, 2013, 07:13 PM

Hankster - you were quicker to the draw. It must be all the Rifleman, and Bonanza episodes you watch. I didn't stand a chance.

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