Couch 52 - Are you being served?

I know it is stupid and wrong to think this way. And I am not going to do anything../but that doesn't help this nauseous feeling. I know that no one expects me to fix it too. So why do I want to torture myself with it?

Wikid, it is not your fault at all! Why don't your old neighbors just report them?

As to where I am: I'm in the waiting room at T's office. The drive has construction along it so I never know if it's going to take me 30 minutes or an hour.

Well, my inservice finished up extra early, so I came home to chill for a little bit. Have to leave for T in 30 minutes. I hope it goes well.

Got a call this morning from my dad too. Asking if I could help him measure a jo on Thursday and Friday. Sorry working at the senior place on Thursday (and normally Friday...but no Friday this week). He said he really needs me to help him on Friday. I don't know if I want to or not. After what he said last time, I would rather not. But the extra money would be nice, since just C and the senior place runs me about 200-250 bucks short of what I need.

I'll talk it over with T today and see what she thinks.

Well, I hope everyone has a good afternoon.

Oh mkac - I've seen like Junior Achievement nationals on Canadian tv - I agree, last minute changes don't go over well. It shows a lack of confidence in your product and your own efforts to date, and what is THAT telling the judges? Still, it's a terrific experience for the kids.

afterrnoon all.... I woke myself up this morning by banging my head against my night stand. 3 hours later and 8 stitches along the ridge of my nose .... I look like someone beat me, they ask me , "Do you feel safe at home?" I look like I was in a UFC fight.

Omg!! You poor thing! Altho it's nice to see things have changed so much that they ask about DV, it's not so great that they just don't believe you! I have moved so much in my lifetime that I often wake up not knowing where I am, even what direction I'm facing in my bed or in the room.

(((Lola))). How's the nightstand?

Turns out....all wood nightstand, none of that particle board crap here..... , my head is killing me.

Holy crap you almost put your eye out.

Lola, I'm sorry you had to get stiches. Stupid nightstand.

Well, I am back from T. It wasn't bad. We talked through the most pressing things and only left a few minor things hanging before we ran out of time. Made an appointment to see her again in 2 weeks. I can handle that.

T had a suggestion instead of emailing her multiple times a week (sometimes multiple times a day) with stream if conciousness stuff. She suggested journaling (her word not mine...as I recall on an earlier couch there was talk about journal can't be used as a verb). She just aid to name the fil something that I would know what it is but would not be identifiable to someone else. She also suggested password protecting it. I may give it a try next time I am in "panic" mode. It's worth a shot to see if it would help at all.

I swear if my T says the words "abusive self blame" to me one more time, I might have to kick him in the shins.

well if you kick him in the shins at least it wont be SELF abusive ...

exactly!

I see a lot of you in your daughter. And a lot of me in both of you!

PS:
It is cruel to make a talented and determined child do group work. I hated it.

I would go for self-indulgent self-blame - you and jillian michaels seem to have this pain thing going! I need some of it!! I think why your "stuff" triggers me is because my brother protected his son from what he (my brother) wished my dad had protected him from or helped him with. But it wasn't what my nephew needed. My nephew wasn't in the same danger (except for what my brother's acting-out put him in) and had different strengths, needs, and weaknesses than my brother did, but those all got ignored. He's living my brother's would-be life. And I'm living no life at all. It's confusing me.

Ouch!

You think torturing myself with blame is self indulgent?

The other part, are you saying that you think I am protecting my kids from things they don't need protecting from, and ignoring their actual needs? Or that is just the feeling that posts trigger for you?

Not your fault or your doing in ANY way. I'm kinda mad at the people who called and told you.

Wiki.....Im with Apt....not your problem now and in no way your issue either. Let the neighbors scold the new owners how else will they learn?

I'm sorry you're feeling crappy, Wiki. I hope things brighten up for you.

The really sad thing about that story is that, because the people had handled the baby, it had to be euthanized whether it was sick or not. If an unvaccinated person comes in contact with its saliva, the animal must be euthanized and have its brain tested for rabies, even if it is perfectly healthy.

I work with rabies-vector species - I have a lot of training and have been vaccinated and I still wear gloves when working with them.

I've been practically swimming in babies lately! Hundreds of birds at the one clinic and dozens of mammals (mostly raccoon babies!) at the other. Lots of extra shifts and long hours, so my internet time is pretty limited these days. I hope things are going well for everyone on the couch.

wiki my one person crusade to save the world . i know it is bothering the crap out of you that these people are doing this .especially in what you cant help but feel is still your home.it has got to feel horrible to see others not treating it like you would have .on the other hand i don't see your neighbors as being very helpful in telling you about it. it seems hurtful to you. some things are best not told. anyway please know none of this is your fault at all.but if it would make things a little easier on you and help you feel like you are doing what you can or must.is there some people who are in charge of monitoring these things that you can inform that there might be a possibility of this going on.and then try to not feel so bad about it knowing you did what was within your power.

(((( Lola )))) - I hope your headache goes away soon. You need to find yourself a nerf bed.

((( MKAC ))) - I hope your daughter does learn something from this experience, but I HATE it when my daughter is involved with group projects because she takes on WAY more than everyone else - but everyone gets credit. AARGH.

((( Wiki ))) - It's not your fault, but I can understand you feeling badly about the situation. It's out of your control and you did nothing wrong. Yet, we can always find a way to point the finger back at ourselves. I hope you can be kind to yourself.

And yes, I had a mama coon who gave birth to 4 baby coons in my chimney....caused over $12K in damages and I did get to hold one of the babies (with gloves and animal control supervision). Hopefully, I won't have any more coons in my house....although I still think they are so stinkin cute.

Just got home from my assignment. It went surprisingly well....although a bit triggery cuz of the content of the training....and I'm exhausted. Getting ready to head out to group T - then to the store to get something for my daughter for school tomorrow. I was asked to do another assignment tomorrow at 4 AM. YIKES. 4 AM until 2 PM - in a town an hour away...which means I need to get up around 2 AM. UGH. But, 10 hours of work, nothing to sneeze at. It also means another night away from my daughter, but it's ok cuz she'll be sleeping. And I'll be home in time for her to get off the bus tomorrow. I hope I can pull this off with very little sleep again.

Granite... How was T???

Thanks all, I "know" that it isn't my fault, I just "feel" guilty. The neighbor called just to see how we were, and then talked about the new people. They were going to contact EPA and let them know. I don't know where they found lawn care professionals that didn't know the code. Evidently, not a Cape based company. I really need to get this "save the world" thing down. How was Superman not writhing in guilt all the time? I mean, he had to have missed one every once in a while.

Wiki, one of the things I discovered in T yesterday was how my experiences throughout my childhood created and solidified the idea that "if I take care of them, they won't hurt me". I wonder if there's some exploring you can do to try to figure out where your need comes from.

did you not watch superman ,he was always feeling guilty about lois getting hurt because of him lol.even he needed to realise he can only do so much.

my T was confusing. she keeps talking about this letter i wrote and the stuff in it .she said it has a lot to do with the T relationship and so on an me feeling safe. i really dont like spending time on the T relationship. to me it isnt real at all.and i have a very har time believing a person can care one way or another about me ,when they only see me for 45 min a week. she did talk about me trusting her an needing to feel safe in T. mostly she toolk way to much responcibility for her part in me being so upset with the music and T.i don't see how her throwing herself under the buss is helpful. i am responcable for the waay i react to things. her responce to that was to read all the bad words i wrote in the letter(i guess there was a lot) it sounded bad all taken out of context like that.i just feel i am responcable for my behavior and for her to excuse it does not help. that is not what i am looking for. i am looking for her to help me not react like i did. to not be acting so much like a jerk. no one deserves to be subjected to the way i behave sometimes.