Drawing the line with personal privacy

I'd feel really rejected if my T said she wouldn't answer a question. And part of me doesn't want to know.

My T has never asked me anything that I felt uncomfortable answering. We talked once about sex, that was ok, but if I was going to get uncomfortable about something that would be it.

I never ask T personal questions. I do however know stuff about her from the net and have discussed this with her because I was sensitive about it. Now that was embarrassing!

I always TRIED to tell T everything.

I realised yesterday when I was talking to T about something that made me very uncomfortable that it was actually much easier when he asked questions about it.

My wife, on the other hand, says there are things T doesn't need to know.

I don´t ask my T anything not even how she is doing at the beggining of the session even it would be polite. I feel she can´t be truly honest. If she has a bad day she can´t really say: "Oh I really have a bad day today, just barely able to listen to people. But thank you for asking". She would have to just say fine and that would be a lie...so I don´t ask.
She is pregnant and sometimes I want to ask if everything is ok but then I don´t. We had bad floodings here two weeks ago and I SO wanted to know that she is not affected but was not able to (in case she was I would worry and feel bad for her). Luckily she told me by herself she was ok.

With me it is complicated bc if she asks me something I feel I SHOULD answer even thou I don´t want to. Partly bc it would not be polite and partly bc I feel the need to obey and do my best. How stupid is that!
Sometimes she asks something and the only thing that comes to my mind is something I really don´t want her to know (yet) but if she asks again I just tell her. And then I´m angry at myself for doing so.

I've never had a pregnant T. For some reason, I find the idea appealing.
I like a T to be vulnerable, not steely. Or maybe I just prefer WOMEN that way.

Good insight, CE! It's interesting that you view a pregnant woman as being more vulnerable - to me, a pregnant woman seems much stronger and less vulnerable. A matter of different perspectives I guess :-)

I would not deal well with a pregnant T because I would suspect that she looked down on me for choosing not to have children. And because she'd most likely be gone for at least a year on maternity leave...

Aha!

New Zealand is a Scandinavian country by most measures, but we don't have paid maternity leave.

And good insight to you, too!

Eeeek!!! I know what you mean, Mona....one time back some months ago my T was asking me questions about where I am at (emotionally),so to speak during ....self gratification I just looked at her and was thinking," no you didn"t just go there!!!! And I skipped right over that one!

I do too. Too bad my T isn't a question asker!

Aghhhhh, it's so embarrassing. I don't think they need that much detail, do you?

I've got used to talking about that.

I don't feel like my T has asked me anything that was too personal...I usually bring up the really personal things because I need to work them out.
I find my T is very open, I don't ask her personal questions though, one time she was running late and when she came I just said I hope everything is okay, she replied that it was and that she had to take care of her puppy.
Sometimes she'll share things about herself without me asking, like when we talk about my childhood she'll discuss something she observes in her children and relate it to what we are talking about...another time I mentioned I love Dave Matthews Band and she said she liked them too...another time we were discussing my weight issues and she shared a book with me that helped her lose weight...so I like that she shares those little things with me, it makes me feel more comfortable.

Well.. I was basically shamed in assessment for something I mentioned but was non-specific about. My feeling is, that I'd rather be criticized for something, or work on a subject, that I know we're talking about in-context, rather than someones assumption of what they think we're talking about.

As for embarrassment, well.. yeah. Its one of those ****** hidden costs. The self-gratification thing sounds pretty coy, all things being equal. I guess I don't feel guilty about being human in that way.

My T has never asked me anything that I would consider "off limits". Once I switched our roles and started analyzing her behavior... I could tell she was really uncomfortable and did NOT like that.

I would say depends on the person. because somethings may be personal to you but may not seem like it to the therapist.. some therapist are so used to hearing personal things. its should not bother a therapist to hear such things.. but telling them might feel uncomfortable to you..
I try to find common grounds when something personal is asked I let my therapist know that it was to personal.. if she would continue after we discussed it bothered me I would find another therapist because she is not respecting my boundries I have set for myself.. just as they expect for you to respect there boundries... I believe therapy is a professional relationship between the therapist and client and these type of things are how we figure things out about ourselves, and the therapist can figure you out and help you more... more on the reason.. as why did that bother you??

Hell no!!! Not sure why they feel compelled to ask us those kinds of questions....yuck!!

Hehehe....I like that