One T CBT vs. Another T IFS

I met with a new T last night.

I like her and she seems to know what she’s doing when it comes to IFS. But it would be someone I have to trust and ‘let in’.

I find it funny that it seems like the therapists who do CBT or DBT think that trauma therapy takes too long and the therapists who do trauma therapy or IFS say that CBT doesn’t work because it doesn't get at the reason why the feelings are there to help manage them.

I personally subscribe that a little bit of everything works and there is no one absolute answer.

My appointment was tiring as it hit on some emotions for me including some tears and I’m feeling raw from the experience. If I choose to work with this therapist it’s going to be a lot of work. I felt a click with the therapist but I felt very vulnerable. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I don’t know her so I can’t trust her.

I mentioned to my current T already that I would like to do IFS for a period of time with a T and have her as my home base to go back to. Right now I feel attached to my current T (not as much as in the past but still attached) and I’m afraid of leaving the therapeutic relationship. I feel like I would be taking a huge risk to trust the new T but I think she has something to offer - I think. I trusted a different T before and it wasn't a great choice so I'm questioning myself.

I’m going to tell the T I met yesterday that I need a few weeks to think about what I want to do and I'll get back to her.

All of the above I told my current T in an email and I have an appointment with her on Tuesday.

What would you do? Take the risk or stick with the T you've been seeing for five years even though she doesn't do IFS (something I'm looking for). If it's not broke should I be trying to fix things or move on?

I've had CBT and really liked the T. The skills he taught I have been peeling off layers of understanding for over 20 years.

I currently do IFS and LOVE it. Actually, I don't always love it. It's much harder emotionally than CBT. I also dont think CBT would have the depth of benefit for my current issues.

I think the most important think is an open, curious, empathetic therapist. I interviewed one of the most highly certified IFS therapists locally, and realized she was awful. Got very defensive when I asked for clarification of something. Not good.

If the current T is helping you, I'd probably consider staying. You can teach yourself IFS, or take short-term, online course for a reasonable fee.
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Gotta run

Thank you! I feel so relieved to have read your response!!!

My current T is very good but I also felt a connection with the new T on a deeper level (perhaps it was because of the depth of emotions I was experiencing in the moment?)

I do agree that IFS is much harder emotionally than CBT.

My current T I've been seeing for 5 years now and I've come such a long way with her help.

Don't forget, it is about you and what you want, not the T and what they practice/want. Keep looking mostly to yourself, establishing and moving in your own direction and just about anyone can help.

I love IFS!!!! I didn't like CBT at all, but my DBT group has been great. You have to make your own decision, but IFS is a very gentle, freeing kind of therapy. Can you try it and see how you like it, and the T, but leave the door open with your current T?

I also find it confusing when Ts think their methods are the best way. My T believes in IFS, EMDR, and SE but she thinks DBT is good for me too. Years ago, I saw a CBT T. I think what matters is whether the type of therapy and the T are a good fit for you.

Good luck!!

Hate CBT. IFS is interesting but my T has not done more than 5 mins of IFS with me. Not sure why. We do more EMDR which I am doing a lot of blocking lately with it.

I'm glad it was helpful. You're very welcome.

In some ways I agree with you. But having been betrayed by a T, and hearing stories, I know that a lot of therapists can't/don't help. However, if what you mean is any orientation can help, IFS, CBT, Shadow work, etc can help, I agree. My experience is also that some orientations are better for some problems than others. I love CBT for depression, but not for my current work. I imagine other people have different experiences. I wince when I hear something that sounds like "trust the counselors" because I learned many are not safe.

I couldn't agree more with you Geez, that a little bit of everything helps. I hate the way therapists think their approach is best. I personally. Think cbt works well for me but doesn't work so well for others. It depends on the client and their issues they present.
I am glad to hear that your attachment is fading from your t e and something tells me that if you are seeing another t, firstly you are growing and starting to take control of your life and secondly you are not getting something from current t.
It will take time to fully trust new t but from what you posted it sounded like an amazing first session and you have already bonded with her. I don't know much about IFS therapy but I think it is worth the risk to shop around for a new t now and again. Fresh eyes can see things old t didn't because they become accustomed to looking at us for so long.
good luck

Well after sending my email to the T I saw for the first time the other night this was part of her response:

"If you are happy with your experience with your therapist and have a long time relationship with her, that is very important. The trust that develops over so many years is usually of greater importance than any special method of therapy. I can understand your curiosity about IFS but I do believe that the method, while it might be appealing, is not the most important element in therapy. Your level of comfort, feeling respected, seen, and cared about, feeling trust for and understood by, are probably the elements that are most important."

I responded by telling her I appreciate her kind words and will keep her posted on what I decide. She seemed very caring at my first meeting with her. I do however don't want to lose the 5yrs I've built with my current T.

I have a few things to think about.

That was very caring of her. It shows that she has YOUR best interests at heart and is not in it for the money(new Clients). I hope whatever you decide it will be the best decision for you :hug; Goodluck Geez

What I lovely note. I agree with her for the most part. I think where I differ is if I had a good relationship with T1 and T2, and T2 did IFS, I would go with T2. I agree with your therapist, the relatinship is more important than any technique. I also know that the IFS technique I have found very valuable in and of itself. I'd rather go to good T1 than just any IFS T. It is possible to learn IFS through self-study and internet courses for moderate amounts of money.

Thanks Mona,
Since my last post in this thread she responded to my email and told me if it helps she is available to call and talk about this if I like. I feel lucky to have this person that seems so willing to help me. There's a part of me that's not trusting of how nice she's being. - my own issues I'm sure. - or she is fishing for a new client? hmm not sure - i'm always skeptical of people's motives.

Right now my heart is telling me to stay with my current T. I guess you are right there are a few minor things about my T that I'm not sure about (emails and why she will or will not respond and if she's getting sick of me) - some of it's all in my head. Either way going through this and talking to my T about it will only help make my decision either way.

Keep you posted....

The first time I read this I thought the email was from T1. Not sure why. My reaction to T2 is that if I didn't like my T, I would want her!!! I think what she said is also very similar to what my IFS T would say

One thing I've noticed about IFS, is that it provides a way of thinking that makes being congruent, and addressing difficult relationship issues, significantly easier, although still not always easy.

CBT was much more helpful to me than any trauma-type therapy. MUCH more helpful.

just sayin...

Anyhow, I wish you luck with the IFS. I hope it helps.

I decided to stay with my current T. There was something about the IFS therapist that scared me. It's nothing I can put my finger on but it's something about her?

Anyhow for now I think it's best I stay with my current T. She isn't perfect but she has been very helpful and good for me thus far.