[Mapleton]

I've been struggling pretty much my entire life, and finally got some advice to go to a new place that was really thorough in intake; there was a suggestion of ADHD, HFA, an anxiety disorder and a few more treats. I basically unloaded stuff I've buried for my childhood and entire life. It's like pandora's box has been opened and rather than dealing with *just* all of the exhausting regular stuff, i've been a neurotic mess ever since, including some "matter of fact" memories of suicidal thoughts (not feeling suicidal though)

There was a suggested therapist to see 3 weeks after intake (and in a later conversation I found appointments might be 2 weeks apart, which I really can't picture coping with right now.)

I kind of regret opening up the way I did, now, feeling like I might have set myself up for another painful stretch of life, where I have no one to support me outside of therapy, and infrequent chances to really deal with this.

Having said all of this, and it does look kind of poor me, but hi! I've been lurking, and it seems to be a great community.

[Miswimmy1]

Welcome! Sorry that your struggling so much. I know for me, things seemed to get a lot worse before they got better. I had to just sort of ride it out. I'm guessing that you probably feel very.. Vulnerable? Right now after telling all those things. That's normal. Can u call your t between sessions to help break it up? Maybe that would help.

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

Welcome!

Thanks. Its a little helpful to just be able to say something that someone else gets. Normally I'm up late at night, just pacing and thinking through what I might say to T about all this, and what the response might be. You can play that game to absolute death, and its really not so productive but when something is on your mind this way, it just is. I think my record for doing that is about 3 hours til 2:30am :/

Making a post and getting a reply is calming and fulfilling, even if its not therapy... Its therapeutic.

I know that I'm at the beginning part of my journey and I have many more questions than answers-- about a dozen pages of thoughts, thus far.

I'm not sure about being able to call yet. I shall see. I hope everything works out. Your helpful experience is very appreciated.

[CantExplain]

((Mapleton))

[Raging Quiet]

Welcome

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

Do you already have a T? Are you able to contact them somehow?

Hang on in there.

(((sits with you)))

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

Welcome

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

Do you already have a T? Are you able to contact them somehow?

Hang on in there.

(((sits with you)))

I should have one.

My first T, last year, was great but was in the locale to train in a technique and left after about 8 weeks to go back to the East Coast(although was expensive, so...)

I, due to my not being not-so-functional in life, haven't worked in a long while, and so have limited income. I found a place that did sliding scale that I could afford, but its MSW candidates and so forth, getting experience, although I have heard some good things about them, as a recommendation from the first T.

So my T there, I saw for one week, and didn't get the most warm feeling, but it was good to talk. The next week she cancelled on me ("family emergency",) the day before. I called to rescheduled. The week after, she effectively terminated me, saying she had spoken with her supervisor and they decided I should speak with someone else, instead, and would call me.

I feel a little wounded generally (although I do keep that nice and hidden when I can, and prefer not to talk about this, really,) but I've felt... unlucky? I'm trying to not take the abandonment personally.

The place I did intake with, I got referred to them by an awesome PA-C, who's not even in mental health, but is so knowledgeable and helpful, and answered the question of what I might do, as a favor to me.

So, anyway... now my watch begins (yes Game of Thrones reference)

[Raging Quiet]

Have you heard back about your next appointment? Can you bring it forward? Keep posting here.

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

Have you heard back about your next appointment? Can you bring it forward? Keep posting here.

Thanks. I'll know if I have a therapist on Monday (well... maybe give her a couple of weeks to terminate me, just in case.) And since I need a pdoc too, I have very few options that I can afford, but theoretically I could just see the therapist here enough to get to see the attached pdoc.

I've never had consistent therapy, although its become clear I could use (just) a hand with life. That realization was like a light switch being turned on in a dark room.

The ADHD thing is crazy. Most people get a lot of benefit from a med for this condition. How could this have been missed? Was the fact I was gifted, in some ways, enough to hide this for this long? I'm not angry about it, but really...

I'm putting quite a bit of pressure on this, I'm sure, utterly unsuspecting lady T to simultaneously assuage all of the guilt, form a plan and to help me to trust her.

I'm probably freaking out simply because this is close, now. Of course, I will be sure to expand on my experience after I've seen the T.

[unaluna]

I think i read that girl adhds don't act out as much as boys so they do get overlooked.

[WikidPissah]

glad you've come out of lurking! It's nice to have you around!

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think i read that girl adhds don't act out as much as boys so they do get overlooked.

I think how it technically works are there are three components to ADHD, two of which are linked. There are 3 diagnostic "types"

1. Hyperactivity, which changes in adults more into restlessness/driving fast etc.
2. Impulsivity, which is linked with 1
3. Inattentiveness. Poor working memory, crappy executive function, no sense of time, etc.

The major type, and its mostly boys is ADHD Combined. Which is both (1&2) + (3)
The next type, mostly girls, is ADHD Primary Inattentive. Which is mostly (3) but can have some components of (1&2)
The last, rarer type, is ADHD/Hyperactive, which is mostly (1&2) but again, can have some components of (3)

Each component (Hyperactivity, Impulsiveness, Inattention) are all, like so many psychological or neurological conditions, on a spectrum.

I can assure you that boys can definitely be ADHD/PI too, and like girls, they'd be more likely to be diagnosed late, too. The reverse is also true. Stereotypes hurt everyone.

The T that I saw speak at CHAAD (when I felt so awful and alone that I was the ONLY AD/HD person in a room of 30 without any medication,) said that she was diagnosed at 50!

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

glad you've come out of lurking! It's nice to have you around!

Thanks Wikid. Its a pleasure to be amongst a wonderful group.

[unaluna]

I don't think I need a talking to about stereotypes, if that's what that was. I burned my bra waaay before you were even born.

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by hankster

I don't think I need a talking to about stereotypes, if that's what that was. I burned my bra waaay before you were even born.

Oh, no. I think there are stereotypes in general about a lot of conditions. I was not saying you were indulging in them. Sorry that I gave you that impression.

The very label ADHD has a "is that really a problem? or just an excuse" stereotype it feels like. Plus with autism, I was reading a bunch of people on CNN chats say AWFUL stuff about Autistic people after the whole Adam Lanza thing.

It sucks to have a label, but sometimes you need a label for things to change.

[unaluna]

Thanks. sorry. Some of my best friends have late-diagnosed adhd... gah why is my entire life a punchline??