[archipelago]

Besides general things like "getting better," "getting support," etc., what do you really want or need in therapy? Do you have a set of goals or wishes? Do they change from session to session? Has it changed with different therapists? How much do they set these things with you or is it more independent?

For me, though there are many things going on, I would have to say that my ideal aim is subjective truth, which doesn't happen every session, but when it does happen, even it is difficult or painful, I feel deeply satisfied. Related to this is being understood, which I already feel as a given now that we've worked together so closely.

The emotional bond is always important too but is less of a goal than just something that is the "glue" for the relationship.

[Miswimmy1]

To me, therapy is all about the learning experience. I want to learn as much about myself as i can... I want to grow as a person through the work I do with t. That's my goal and what matters most to me.

[CantExplain]

Getting better and getting support are probably the most important thiings.

To experience the 'good' that comes from T.

[A Red Panda]

Validation and just having someone to listen and understand me.

So far I've only gone twice, but it's been a lot more reassuring to me than I thought it would when he's restated things I say into a more generalized observation - it makes me feel like the way I felt and reacted to things was actually the normal response.

For the most part I don't really need help with coping strategies or whatnot... but having someone who listens and stuff is really a rather good feeling.

[herethennow]

to be quite honest, i go in with a blank state of mind not knowing what i want. but for now T is leading with CBT so i guess i'm fine with that...

[sconnie892]

T and I created a set of "goals"and that is what we work toward in sessions. It has been helpful in keeping things focused.

[feralkittymom]

At first I was in crisis and just wanted the pain to end.

But as the worst of the depression lifted, I think I wanted to find my true self, and experience that self in relationship with another person. That was something that was never possible in my FOO from a very young age. Dealing with trauma was just a step on the way.

[stopdog]

Knowing what is supposed to going on at the appointment, figuring out if it is actually going on, knowing what it is the therapist is supposed to be doing, and making sure I understand what it is I am risking at the appointment each week.

Understanding why I am doing/thinking/feeling what I do/think/feel, and how to change my thinking or my behaviour where it doesn't work is the long-term goal for me. On a session-to-session basis, what matters is being able to express what I think, and having the T understand and not explode when I tell him things.

I honestly don't think my T cares for me other than in a professional sense, and I kind of wish he did, but it clearly is not something that matters because the work is going forward anyway.

[tinyrabbit]

Above all else, I want to feel safe, validated and cared for. I'm not sure what I really need (I think my T has a better idea than I do right now).

My goals are basically to form a therapeutic alliance, process all the crud, rebuild myself and go back out into the world. Which sounds so simple, but will take a loooong time.

I wanted to get out of the pit of despair. Now I'm working on more space between me and the pit, with a side helping of wanting to be "normal."

[rainbow8]

Having my T be everything to me was what used to matter. Now I'm thinking that what matters is accepting my "pattern" and understanding that separation is extremely traumatic for me. It matters that my T can help me build up my Self so I can quit therapy peacefully when the time comes.

[mandazzle]

I really need accountability for my actions otherwise I would never get better. I also need a voice of reason to tell me what I am thinking is irrational.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Knowing what is supposed to going on at the appointment, figuring out if it is actually going on, knowing what it is the therapist is supposed to be doing, and making sure I understand what it is I am risking at the appointment each week.

Are you reading this? One way of looking at your answer is, You are checking on her to see if she is good enough. Who is the "she" you are really checking on? Your t is (presumably) licensed. You are (presumably) licensed. Even I am licensed (as a manicurist, but still!). Why the testing? Why not the doing?

Beautifully worded answer btw.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by hankster

Are you reading this? One way of looking at your answer is, You are checking on her to see if she is good enough. Who is the "she" you are really checking on? Your t is (presumably) licensed. You are (presumably) licensed. Even I am licensed (as a manicurist, but still!). Why the testing? Why not the doing?

Beautifully worded answer btw.

The question was about what matters to me so that is what I responded to. Other things occur at appointments that would constitute the doing.

[Asiablue]

It matters to me that i feel safe, that she is good at her job. It matters to me that she can sustain the power of my moods, that it all bounces off her like a shield. It matters to me that she cares, properly cares. It matters to me that i make progress. It matters to me that she stays the course and that i am the one doing the leaving when i am good and ready not the other way about.

Since she's new to me, that all remains to be seen.

[pbutton]

I need someone trained to bounce ideas off of. I need to talk out loud to another person and figure out what to change so that I can feel better.

[Lamplighter]

Good question! What matters to me in therapy is that I be listened to, heard, sympathetically understood and unconditionally accepted.

That way I hope to get to understand, sympathize with and accept myself (my primary goal in life .)

What matters to me is congruence, validation, understanding, empathy and above all no judgement.
I also would like that a t not get mad with me or tell me I should do this or that but let me live my life as I want be that they guide me through the rough patches safely!

[archipelago]

What's truly amazing is though I think if we met together in the same room we would probably more or less agree on some basics, but here people have expressed quite a range of things they consider important. It's fascinating to me that therapy could so varied.

[~EnlightenMe~]

I want to live instead of struggling through.

I want to be heard and to tolerate being seen.

I want T to believe me, believe in me, and trust me so I can follow suit.

I want to feel good when someone tells me that I am doing a great job at work and that I am appreciated, instead of not believing it or feeling pain when someone is positive (?).

I want to be confident in being me, whoever I am at any given point, and not feel vulnerable when I slip and let myself be known to another.

I want to feel free in therapy to express whatever comes up, and I do.

I want to be whole.

I want help to understand what is going on within and how to work through it all, so I can strive to be who I want to be in relation to my H, in relation to my D, and in relation to my friends.

I want to self-actualize.

My therapist has helped me so much, and I am so appreciative.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

It matters to me that i feel safe, that she is good at her job. It matters to me that she can sustain the power of my moods, that it all bounces off her like a shield. It matters to me that she cares, properly cares. It matters to me that i make progress. It matters to me that she stays the course and that i am the one doing the leaving when i am good and ready not the other way about.

Since she's new to me, that all remains to be seen.

All that you've said plus I've never thought about the bolted part but men, it's so true... Thanks

[sunrise]

Not too long ago, my T said regarding therapy with him, "that's why you're here--to learn what normal is." I think there is a lot to that. The experience of having a "normal", healthy relationship with him has been healing in many ways, beyond the actual "work" we do in session. It gives me hope that not all people are awful, that a relationship can be fulfilling and positive rather than draining and negative, that I can benefit from a relationship, that it is OK to be close to someone and emotionally intimate, and that the latter makes me feel good. It is really different to experience those things firsthand vs. reading about them in a book. In therapy I also look for help with specific problems--because my T has tons of experience and good ideas--but a big value of therapy for me is just experiencing a healthy way of being and relating.

[archipelago]

I agree with the value of the relationship and like this phrase "experiencing a healthy way of being and relating." That's certainly a core value for me. I don't always succeed in translating out of the therapeutic relationship into all my other ones, but at least it gives me something to go on.