Your Attachment Style in Therapy.

I think I cycle between avoidant and preoccupied with my T.

I started to do the quiz but had no idea how to answer most of the questions.

I'm anxious insecure. I do wonder if attachment is the root of a lot of emotional issues.

The quiz doesn't really go beyond a certain kind of relationship, at least mine didn't. Some people have different attachment styles in different kinds of relationships. That why I've used the plural. You might have one overarching attachment style based on your family of origin. And that likely will be the one that comes into play in your therapy, but not always. Some people who have attachment issues manage to find one or more relationships where the attachment is healthy and good, even if they have issues of trust with others. And this alters the basic attachment style, introducing variations. It is possible that this variation could come into play in therapy.

It is also possible that your attachment with your therapist is the healthiest one you have and work for you is to try to make that a reality in your everyday life. So you could have a secure attachment with your therapist and even your significant other, but still have attachment issues with all sorts of other relationships.

It's complicated. The quiz doesn't map out all the basic attachments. There's disorganized attachment that comes from inconsistent parenting; this is considered the most dysfunctional. There's anxious/avoidant where you pretend that you don't care, but the body shows an increased reactivity. There's ambivalent where you register distress even when the attachment is restored.

I still think this stuff isn't written in stone. Yes, it has profound effects, but that doesn't mean you are trapped forever. If that were true, people wouldn't be able to heal from early developmental problems and we know that people do. While it's true you can't undo or erase everything, you can change. Even just a little bit of trust and safety in a therapeutic relationship can have an impact on our lives. It takes time. It takes being willing to acknowledge the pain of what has happened and work that through. But it is so worth it to try. Even just taking that step already changes things to some extent. And this might sound overly optimistic, but I'm generally not that way. I just know having lived through these changes that it is possible and even likely if you work closely with a good therapist.

I definitely lean towards an avoidant (fearful) attachment style, and it definitely plays out in therapy. I know I am attached to my T, aka I care about what she thinks of me, but I keep her at a distance. Part of it is probably her personality/therapy style. She is psychodynamic and more "let hte client lead, don't say too much" type of T, so I easily get sucked into the silences. I see an EMDR T who is more forward with her approach and will say "I think you probably felt like this, is that so?" Which I find easier to answer "Yes," and then we can move on from there.

But with both T's, I never make eye contact and generally don't think about them that much outside of therapy. I would prefer to not make any demands or needs on them at all. Just show up for my time and do my best. The end.

"It's complicated. The quiz doesn't map out all the basic attachments"

I don't think anyone was putting a 5 minute test on the internet up as the final or thorough word on attachment

Fair enough. But I have definitely seen a pattern in my relating that is showing up with my present T. My T is very empathetic and should not be a threat to me really...yet I'm very fearful and have that push-pull thing going on with him...I can't really deny its my own issue. I guess what im trying to say is that I know I have attachment issues and they appear to line up with being anxious/avoidant. I want to be close to people and long for a secure attachment, but I can't seem to get there because.....because I don't even know. If I did, I'd fix it straight away. It's not a nice feeling to live with everyday.

I think it is a useful and interesting test and can give an idea for someone. I was responding to an earlier post that seemed worried about the limitations of the test.

Oh - I apologize. I definitely think its not the be-all-end-all test measure but I thought it was helpful.

That particular test that Stopdog linked is concentrating on you attachment style with Romantic partners only, and as someone said before your attachment styles can be different with different people. I am securely attached to my husband but not with anyone else.

There is a more comprehensive test but i can't find the link to it. But still like Stopdog said, that one gives an insight into your style.

This is a really good thread, and I am enjoying it.

My only attachment as a child was to a younger sibling who I cared for.
My only attachment as an adult is to my H and children.

i have no idea what my attachment style would be .i know i have a very difficult time attaching to my T .or even admitting it if i am even a small amount