[Miswimmy1]

I miss old T so much. New t asked today why I had looked forward to sessions with old t. I have been trying to not think about old t, as it just hurts. But now I'm having all these memories: things she said, promises that were broken, fun times we had together. It takes my breath away and it's like a wound has reopened and now there is a gaping hole. There really was no point to this post. I just... don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the hurt. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for what old t and I had. I know its unhealthy but my emotions have taken over.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I miss old T so much. New t asked today why I had looked forward to sessions with old t. I have been trying to not think about old t, as it just hurts. But now I'm having all these memories: things she said, promises that were broken, fun times we had together. It takes my breath away and it's like a wound has reopened and now there is a gaping hole. There really was no point to this post. I just... don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop the hurt. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry for what old t and I had. I know its unhealthy but my emotions have taken over.

I think that part of the grieving process is NOT avoiding thinking about your old T. You're grieving her just like you'd grieve anyone else who was important to you in your life. I grieved for my first T for a long time. I talked to my second T about her all the time at first. Let yourself feel the hurt. It won't last forever.

[CantExplain]

It is part of a T's job to reopen past pain. That's how they work.
It does feel cruel sometimes. And (in my opinion) they have no business causing new pain.

I still miss my old T too..It is good that your T now is asking how you're feeling so you're able to share with her

Swimmy
That pain fed so unbearable right now, but the good thing is that it gets better, it takes a while but it does get easier.
As strange as it may sound but rainbow is right you have to remember to forget, grieving is the most difficult thing to do. I still have dreams every week about my ex and ex t and they hurt a lot but I know I hav to have them because my mind is still processing the loss.
It's nice that your new t is asking about old t, maybe she can bring parts of what you liked about her into your therapy. Maybe she can try make it fun like ex t did.
I know she will never be the same but you might grow to like her

I understand. Some days i miss my old t too. Its hard, i know. It does get easier over time.

[content30]

Swimmy...I'm so sorry. I'm grieving my current T a bit. I'm on "maintenance." I have not terminated, but I'm doing well. So, I don't need to see T. Still, I miss seeing her. I've seen her most weeks for the last 18 months. Now...I know this is different, but it's still a loss. I can't replace my T; you can't replace your old T.

I am trying to make new friendships and fill my life with others who can add to it differently. Also, I really want to find a new mentor in my life but one that can be a little more of a friend and that is not my therapist. Do you think this is something that you could try too? For instance, I do not know if you or your family are religious, but if so, you could go to youth group at a church or synagogue...etc. I know that I was always quite close to and looked up to and confided in my youth leaders when I was a teen. Now, I'm a youth leader at my church for 6th grade girls. If you are not religious, then maybe a hobby/sport with a coach or leader? I guess I'm thinking something where you can have a more permanent connection with someone that is not your peer.

In the meantime, my T always suggest CARESS: Communicate Alternatively (talk about it with others), Release Endorphins (Exercise!), and Self-Soothe (treat yourself to a milkshake, download a song you like, read, watch a movie, etc.).

Well, that's the best I can offer/suggest. I'm so sorry Swimmy...I truly am. This is hard for me at 30, and your situation is more permanent. Plus, you're younger! I think you're handling it like a champ! It'll get better with time....