[jkbob]

Does your T charge for this? I understand that many do not. Have you offered to pay and was it accepted?

I want to pay my T for the phone calls over the weekend. Actually Friday, yesterday, and then for listening to 10 minutes worth of voicemails I've left her over the last few days. Let's call it a PITA fee and recognizing that her time is valuable and she isn't expected to be available every time I have an issue.

I'm thinking if I ask her what her fee is sans insurance I can write her a check for both my copay and the extra session. Also this way she can't really say no

[WikidPissah]

Well, make sure you include overtime in the check.

I've never had a T charge me, but I've only contacted out of session a couple of times.

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Well, make sure you include overtime in the check.

I actually thought about this too. Like should it be twice the normal rate because it was the weekend?

[mylifeart]

if I was a therapist I would feel like you see the relationship as professional and not personal.. and I would give you an A+ for that..
that sounds like you really do appreciate her and you know there are boundries (what she is there for) awesome you see things on that level...

[jkbob]

I'm now starting to wonder if this is just another way I attempt to "buy" friends. When I go out with others I always feel compelled to pay. Like ALL of the time. It's not very 50/50 and I'll even be in group settings where we're all expected to pitch in and I'll end up covering the whole tab. I think part of me is afraid of not contributing enough, another part of me really is trying to buy friends, and probably yet another part feels like I'm not worthy and I need to pay more than my share to feel equal.

I never really spelled all that out before. How sad

[jkbob]

Originally Posted by mylifeart

if I was a therapist I would feel like you see the relationship as professional and not personal.. and I would give you an A+ for that..
that sounds like you really do appreciate her and you know there are boundries (what she is there for) awesome you see things on that level...

And that is the point of paying her and not giving her the option of saying it's not necessary or having to ask me to pay. I realize that this is just her job and I should be paying her for her services.

[mylifeart]

it good you see it that way.
it sounds like you two are going or do have a strong therapeutic relationship and that's important for you to do well in therapy.

[healed84]

I think I have heard that some ts charge for phone calls that go over a certain amount of time. I think the longest I have ever talked on the phone with my T is maybe 10mins and I did not get charged for any of my phone calls, no charge for e-mails either.

[boredporcupine]

I was concerned about this in the past, also, but T said she views phone and email as just a part of the work we do together. I think to her, what she gets paid for sessions also covers the other stuff. Different T's have different policies about it, though.

[BonnieJean]

I offered to pay for her time with my emails so it wasn't like I was taking advantage of her generosity with her time. She declined saying it isn't about the extra money for her. I was taken back when I learned I was the only patient who emails her.

[wotchermuggle]

What about just doubling the amount you co-pay and say you'd like to cover her time spent on the phone/listening to voicemails over the weekend and leave it at that?

And no, my T does not charge for this.

My t does not charge for emails. Our only therapy for now is by phone is because she is in a other country for now. She doesnt ask for money very often.Shes lucky i dont charge HER-- i am babysitting her dog, and his food, shots, vet visits, toys, etc are really adding up!!

[BlessedRhiannon]

My t does not charge extra for emails or phone calls less than 10 minutes. However, I've talked to her for up to half an hour before, and she didn't charge me for that. I also don't call her all that frequently (she'd prefer I call her more frequently than I do).

If I've scheduled a call for her, then she charges a portion of her regular fee, depending on the length of the call...but that's only when we'v scheduled something and it's a half hour or more.

I think that if you really feel the need to pay T for her time, you certainly can. However, you might ask her about it as well and maybe explore where your need to pay is coming from. Is it really just that you feel she's spending extra time with you so you should pay for the service, or is it part of that need to pay so that she'll like you?

[anilam]

I guess it's normal to ask her and thus give her a choice to say yes/no.

[moonlitsky]

On a deeper level I wonder what your needing to pay might mean - on a more symbolic level?

The first thing that came to my mind was perhaps you are afraid you will be made to 'pay' - that she may retaliate because you showed you have needs - and paying her would protect you from her retaliation/abandonment? I wonder if it is because you are frightened because you were distressed and needed her - frightened of what she might do (and this might not yet be conscious)? It feels the money could be about needing to protect yourself?

Money and paying has such deep meaning for us all - it might be helpful to explore that with your therapist, rather than just see it on a logical level - as in paying for a service - that could actually be a defence against something much deeper and the potential for some very important and helpful work for you.

Moon

[tinyrabbit]

I think it's definitely worth exploring further what it means to you to pay, or not pay. Money is such an emotive thing in therapy and our feelings about it often tap into our 'stuff'.

My T doesn't charge for contact outside of sessions. I think that's fair enough, as he doesn't guarantee he'll have time to read emails or respond to them.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

Shes lucky i dont charge HER-- i am babysitting her dog, and his food, shots, vet visits, toys, etc are really adding up!!

I'm not sure if this is strictly ethical full stop, but you definitely shouldn't be paying for this stuff.

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

My t does not charge for emails. Our only therapy for now is by phone is because she is in a other country for now. She doesnt ask for money very often.Shes lucky i dont charge HER-- i am babysitting her dog, and his food, shots, vet visits, toys, etc are really adding up!!

You seriously are doing this? Does your T have any clue that there might be a boundary issue going on here?? I am almost speechless...

She should hire a pet sitter or board the dog...YOU are her client and shouldn't be the dog sitter, too. Esp. not paying for any of it!!
Dual relationships are generally frowned upon except in extreme circumstances where it can't be helped (really small towns, etc.)

(Sorry for the hijack.)

I paid a T once for several phone calls in a week that went long after he asked about charging me for a session for all the calls, so I just paid an extra copay.
I wouldn't offer to pay for calls or emails...they are professionals and if they feel like we have gone outside of our regular "time" allotment in whatever way, they will let us know, one way or another.

[tinyrabbit]

You know, if your T wanted money for this I think she'd have mentioned it before she did it.

My old T charged me for phone calls. I only called to set up an appointment or to say I'm stuck in traffic and I will be late. Even if it was only 1-5 Mins she would charge.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by jkbob

Also this way she can't really say no

As Janet Jackson would say, "CONTROL!!" Yes, that is the most recent CD I purchased. i totally related to your posts in this thread about feeling like you have to buy your friends. My parents used money as a weapon. Ts usually get paid enough to give themselves leeway to deal with issue. I.e., yes she CAN say no! She says yes or no depending on if she wants to, which is out of our control. I think it's scarier to think she might say yes. No, we already know how to handle.

[critterlady]

My T has never charged me for phone calls, no matter how long. He considers it part of the work for which he is compensated. I imagine that if I called him regularly that might change. I've only called him a handful of times. There was even once when I got seriously triggered by a journaling a session and he brought me in for an extra session that day and never charged me.

I offered to pay my T for phone calls after he talked to me for quite a while on the phone when my dad was in the hospital the first time. He told me that phone calls were something he just wanted to do, and he did not charge for them. Later, when my dad was dying and we ended up talking on the phone several times in a month, and I asked him to leave me messages I could listen to them over and over, I said something again about paying him for his time and he got a little offended. He said he was calling me or talking to me when I called him because he chose to and not because he was obligated to.

[bluemountains]

I have never been charged for emails. I don't like phone conversations so I avoid these.
With t #1, I sent emails, and usually she would not commit to any therapeutic words online, just that we would discuss issues at next session.
I only email t #2 once. She did not reply, and at the next session, she just thanked me for information.
Now with t #3, I feel very comfortable emailing, although I have only done this a couple of times. With each email, she has sent thoughtful, detailed replies. Also, she printed these out in order to discuss issues in the next session.
I have not offered to pay, figuring that if she feels she should be compensated, she will tell me so.
Bluemountains

[jenluv]

My T doesn't charge for phone calls, although the initial paperwork I signed said that he would/could.

I actually checked my claims the other day and have found that he hasn't billed my insurance yet -- at all -- and we've been meeting for 7 months. I'll need to ask him about that at our next session.

[jkbob]

As I was writing my check at the end of the session I asked T what she would charge a client without insurance. She said something about sliding scale. I said okay but what is your fee. She said it depends. So I said what if I had a million dollars? She laughed and said, I'd probably charge you $100.

So I wrote a check for $125 and put a note in the subject line saying "weekend & copay 6/18" I left right after I gave her the check so I'm not certain she noticed it but I imagine that she looked at it. I also called her about scheduling my next appointment and she didn't say anything about it. I suppose I will know for sure if she will comment on the extra payment when I see her tomorrow.

Kind of odd but I sort of want her to say "I wasn't planning on charging you, you don't have to pay" and I want to insist on paying for her time and the services she provides. I think it will also make me feel less guilty and needy when I leave her messages (like I did this morning) because I will have compensated her for the time she takes to listen to the message.

And if she says nothing at all. It will drive me INSANE. WTF is wrong with me?