Scared of T

I have had a rough couple days. Been ruminating a lot about old t and struggling with the idea of getting close to new t. I feel like I am still in denial and still angry about being terminating. I am also stressed out because I have my second to last session with old t on saturday. I emailed new t with my feelings (we are now on a once a week basis), just to update her. She usually doesn't reply to emails, so I don't know what I wanted out of that email. Just to talk to someone I guess. She replied though, asking if I wanted to have a phone call to talk about this all. I was surprised and found myself balking at the idea. I quickly replied that i was ok and that i didn't want to have a phone call. I don't understand this relationship. I want to talk to someone but when t offers, I don't want to talk anymore. Anyone have this? It's like I am afraid of having any kind of contact that would promote any sort of relationship. How is therapy going to work if I am stuck in this mindset? Can anyone relate to this?

This is a difficult transition you are in ... one T leaving... beginning a relationship with a new T.
I know when one of my T's retired.... I went through a period of mourning... and it took a very long time to get close to my new one.
Be gentle with yourself. This is going to be bumpy. New T probably will have different approaches than the one that you were so used to.

Could it be that you have these feelings, but just want to start by getting them out? That you want... awareness, but not discussion/solution?

Its okay if you aren't quite ready to explore something yet. Sometimes we are a little cautious and need to take things step by step, I think... and yes.. perhaps you did get burned a bit by ex-T, too.

Miswimmy,
I think Mapleton is right, maybe you just needed to get these feelings out but not to discuss them with new t. Do you think that are scared to let her in because she is so against your ex ts treatment with you and also because you are afraid to trust her in case she leaves too?
It is so disheartening, having spent all that time with ex t, building up a relationship and trust to have someone come along and tell you it wasn't right when every part of you screams and says it was right for you at the time and just what you needed, maybe a part of you is fighting new t but wanting to trust her too??

Is your sense of loyalty to T getting in the way of you talking about how you feel with termination to newT?

I don't know

I feel like i can't even talk termination with new t because everything i saw, she just shakes her head like it only solidifies her feelings toward old t (which are quite negative.)

I am surprised that she offered to talk by phone with you. Perhaps you were as well? And taken aback? One idea would be to discuss (again) with her what her boundaries are.

This is going to take time. Try not to think far ahead and ask how therapy can ever work. Instead, stay in the moment or very near term, and talk through whatever the current problem might be, one step at a time.