[mandazzle]

For those who don't know - I have been in treatment for my eating disorder at a center for three years and right now I am doing outpatient there. I am seeing my T twice a week every other week because she doesn't have the scheduling capability to see me 2x a week every week. She recently recommended I start seeing a trauma therapist in addition to seeing her since my trauma is the most prominent issue right now. It is difficult to try and work on my ED and trauma with the amount of time I am seeing her right now and she thinks it would benefit me to have someone I can work on just my trauma with.

I just don't know how to pick a new T... I found two that specialize in trauma but I don't know anything about them and can't find anything on the internet. I have a few friends who are Ts themselves asking around to recommend people to me. I haven't called the two I found yet because I am nervous. I am not good at dealing with new people. How am I supposed to pick a new T to see??

[ECHOES]

It is hard meeting someone new. It might help to just say right off when you call that you are very nervous even making the call. Do you know what makes you nervous about it? (Do you think you might be asked something you don't know the answer to, or that you don't want to answer at that time, for example).

It is difficult to try and work on my ED and trauma with the amount of time I am seeing her right now and she thinks it would benefit me to have someone I can work on just my trauma with.

This is great insight, and you might want to call and say this, that you are looking for a therapist to help you with this.

[ultramar]

I would think it would be difficult to kind of separate out/compartmentalize working on trauma and working on ED issues (and whatever else you work on with the current therapist). It just seems to me that there would be some overlap and in this way, it could get complicated (or perhaps even counterproductive) working with two different therapists at the same time. Isn't it all interrelated?

Is there any way, you could see the current therapist once a week every week, instead of twice a week every other week? Could you work on trauma as well as other issues with her? It seems to me that everything would be interrelated in one way or another, that somehow it might be more beneficial to work on it all together rather than separating them out (or trying to). Have you talked to your therapist about this possibility? Is there some reason she doesn't want to work on traumatic experiences alongside the other issues?

[Perna]

I use to play a fantasy game where my memory was "erased" and my best friend was in a coma only I could wake her from (time limit to do this too :-) I was told she was my friend but I had to figure out how to/"what" would wake her. For the particular friend I was thinking of, singing to her (even though I cannot sing and it embarrasses me and I am anxious and ashamed when I have to try).

Why do you like your T friends? Why do they like you? What do you have in common? What do they overlook in you. I would figure out what I wanted as "essence of T" for myself, what would help me and even how. I would think about my trauma; my mother was sick all my life and died when I was 3, my stepmother was wonderful. . .at first; then the cracks in the join began to show and she was abusive and we had both too much in common and not enough. We kept "missing" each other when trying to communicate (according to T, which I now see/understand).

If I had to pick a T again I'd look for someone firm but gentle but not sweet, someone close to my mothers' ages when the trauma happened (40-50), someone from a "well off" background (both my mothers came from relatively wealthy homes), someone I perceived as strong but, most of all, someone I perceived knew themselves well and could communicate they did, could "show" their centered-ness, their balance so I could see and emulate it.

What do you want in T, mandazzle? Can you want that so much that you just have to look for evidences of it in a person/Life, are attracted to it enough that you go toward it even though you are angry, anxious, confused, afraid?

[Bill3]

Perhaps current T can recommend someone?

[mandazzle]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Do you know what makes you nervous about it?

I don't really like talking on the phone to begin with... but I just don't know what to say/ask them...?

[mandazzle]

Originally Posted by ultramar

I would think it would be difficult to kind of separate out/compartmentalize working on trauma and working on ED issues (and whatever else you work on with the current therapist). It just seems to me that there would be some overlap and in this way, it could get complicated (or perhaps even counterproductive) working with two different therapists at the same time. Isn't it all interrelated?

Is there any way, you could see the current therapist once a week every week, instead of twice a week every other week? Could you work on trauma as well as other issues with her? It seems to me that everything would be interrelated in one way or another, that somehow it might be more beneficial to work on it all together rather than separating them out (or trying to). Have you talked to your therapist about this possibility? Is there some reason she doesn't want to work on traumatic experiences alongside the other issues?

That is what I told T because I have always thought it would not be helpful to see two Ts at once, and I was also told by a T once that it is not a good idea to see two at the same time. But T said that she would recommend it so I am reluctantly going to try it I guess.
Sorry, I think I forgot to say that the weeks that I don't see her twice a week I see her once a week.
I am not sure if it is that she has recommended this because of me or her. I feel like she might not know how to help me with the trauma and that's why she is suggesting I see another person. I am very confused.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by mandazzle

That is what I told T because I have always thought it would not be helpful to see two Ts at once, and I was also told by a T once that it is not a good idea to see two at the same time. But T said that she would recommend it so I am reluctantly going to try it I guess.
Sorry, I think I forgot to say that the weeks that I don't see her twice a week I see her once a week.
I am not sure if it is that she has recommended this because of me or her. I feel like she might not know how to help me with the trauma and that's why she is suggesting I see another person. I am very confused.

This is confusing... Do you think you can talk to her about it? I would think most therapists feel comfortable working on trauma, so many people in therapy have trauma histories.

Some therapists work from the theory that the patient should be stable/able to control mood dysregulation before working on trauma. I'd suggest that maybe this is where she's coming from except that she's willing to suggest someone else for you to work with? Was the additional therapist your idea or hers?

I don't know, if it were me, I'd talk to her more about this before looking for another therapist to work with at the same time.

[QuietCat]

My T at least did not go into a lot of detailed questions on the phone. He simply wanted to know my main issue for seeing him and then saved all the details for first session. Even when you are really shy a good T should be able to lead the conversation and ask the right questions in the first session, and help you feel less anxious by the end of the session.

On another note, I used to think seeing two T's at once would be confusing and unhelpful to me, but when I started seeing a Pdoc for medication at the same time I was seeing T (who is a psychologist so couldn't write prescriptions) I found I liked having another T to go to when my regular T was confusing to me. I would compare it to having two parents. Like, "Hey, Mom, Dad said this... what the hell does that mean and is it true?" Then you get another view on it and sometimes it's the same view and sometimes it's just different by a little bit but it's helpful.

Mandazzle, I'm surprised that your T didn't recommend someone to you? did you try to see if the 2 suggested Ts are on Pyschology today find a therapist site?

Maybe you could go on a few trauma therapists sites even if they are not in your location to see how they work with trauma and then you would have questions to ask.... I would probably make appointments with both the people recommended to see if you like either of those....

[stopdog]

I find working with two therapists to be a much better plan for me than just seeing the one. I think figuring out things like gender (does it matter to you or not), age of the potential new therapist, demeanor that you feel comfortable with etc and then try calling and interviewing a few to see if you can get a feel for them could be a way to start.

[mandazzle]

Originally Posted by ultramar

This is confusing... Do you think you can talk to her about it? I would think most therapists feel comfortable working on trauma, so many people in therapy have trauma histories.

Some therapists work from the theory that the patient should be stable/able to control mood dysregulation before working on trauma. I'd suggest that maybe this is where she's coming from except that she's willing to suggest someone else for you to work with? Was the additional therapist your idea or hers?

I don't know, if it were me, I'd talk to her more about this before looking for another therapist to work with at the same time.

The additional therapist was her idea. I explained to her why I felt like having another T would be weird and told her another professional told me it is a bad idea, and she said she understands where I am coming from but her and the center I am at recommend it. I only agreed to look at a list of therapists my mom found and when I emailed T yesterday she said I should make some calls and set up some appointments. What? I never even agreed I would see another therapist, I agreed to looking at a list.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by mandazzle

The additional therapist was her idea. I explained to her why I felt like having another T would be weird and told her another professional told me it is a bad idea, and she said she understands where I am coming from but her and the center I am at recommend it. I only agreed to look at a list of therapists my mom found and when I emailed T yesterday she said I should make some calls and set up some appointments. What? I never even agreed I would see another therapist, I agreed to looking at a list.

Baffling... I know you've already talked to her about it, but I would try to pin her down on why exactly she thinks it would be beneficial for you, why she doesn't feel it would be beneficial to weave it into your current therapy, why she doesn't feel comfortable/able/whatever working on trauma as part of your therapy with her. There must be some reason(s) behind this somewhere.