[struggling2]

im really struggling with intense feelings of emptiness lately. i seem to go through these different waves of feelings....at first there was extreme confusion and overwhelm regarding CSA that lasted for about a year and a half. then it tapered into lingering confusion and intense maternal longing and anger...the anger lasted about 3-4mos...the maternal longing is still intense and now ive moved into intense feelings of emptiness and inferiority and insignificance. a big black cloud of hopelessness. i hate all of this. all these crappy feelings that are so intense and then taper off while still lingering in the background while new ones swarm and engulf me. will it ever end? scary feelings of "what is the point of this life" keep creeping into my mind as i try to shove them out and find a reason to keep my head above water.

[stopdog]

I find it helps me to remind myself that I believe there is probably no particular point in life. For me, thinking of it as it is here and we are alive so what can I do to make it not unendurable - makes it easier. The same is true with lack of significance. To me, the truth in the bigger picture, is that my existence is no big deal one way or the other. But I do have friends who appear to like me and find me not unuseful, pets who depend upon me, and a family with some members who might claim not to dislike me and our interactions are not always unpleasant.

[boredporcupine]

Struggling, what have you tried so far to soothe the feelings you've been having or work with them? Has anything helped?

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

Struggling, what have you tried so far to soothe the feelings you've been having or work with them? Has anything helped?

not much seems to work anymore. ive lost interest in a lot of things. food and sleep and keeping overly busy were my main coping mechanisms and the food and keeping busy have stopped working. sleep is still good but i have to work all day. im acknowledging the feelings which is more than I used to do. I used to just stuff them until i didnt even notice them.....now they jsut all starte me in the face til i crumble.

[boredporcupine]

Struggling, it sounds to me like you are suffering from depression. Have you considered any options for trying to treat it?

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

Struggling, it sounds to me like you are suffering from depression. Have you considered any options for trying to treat it?

ya i am. ive been in therapy for about 3yrs and am on an antidepressant. just getting tired of all of it. im sure i need to go to doctor and see about switching my meds but i hate being dependent on a pill to make me feel better...why cant I MYSELF just naturally function as a happy person?

[boredporcupine]

As far as I know, when you have been abused as a child, it can throw you a lot of very big challenges when it comes to "just being happy." I know a number of people who experienced CSA and for all of them it feels like swimming upstream, many times even with medication. It's horrible but you are not alone in that.

[struggling2]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

As far as I know, when you have been abused as a child, it can throw you a lot of very big challenges when it comes to "just being happy." I know a number of people who experienced CSA and for all of them it feels like swimming upstream, many times even with medication. It's horrible but you are not alone in that.

ya, ive been thinking the same thing unfortunately. thanks for your responses....they have made me feel heard and less alone on a very crappy day