[lemon80s]

Hi folks,

I am wondering if there are people here that left their therapy and therapist for a while or longer because there was no other choice. Not because you wanted to, but because there's no other option. How did you deal with that? Did you continue with your therapy goals on your own? Did you stay in touch with your T somehow?

I am offered a job abroad, that I really want to and have to take. My therapist agrees that this is the best thing for me right now. But I only started therapy 3 months ago and we basically just only figured out what all ails me and where it might come from. (PTSD, Alexythimia and some form of lots of dissociation). We are using the last few sessions to teach me some coping skills and I think T is trying to strengthen my sense of 'it's okay I have these things, life can go on'. But since it's not small stuff or just a matter of changing my behavior they are things I can't work on a lot on my own.

I'm sure that once I'm working fulltime in a new country and keep in mind my pitfalls and avoid them I'll be happy with my life again. The past year was just a pile up of putting myself in situations that triggered all my issues.

Anyhow. I'm already a bit attached to therapy and my T and I just find it scary to leave it all behind. Since I'm moving to a country in turmoil in the middle east, there most likely isn't a T I can visit there.

Any tips and stories are more than welcome!

[Perna]

I saw my therapist for 9 years then did not for another 9 then saw her again for 9 and it worked out well. The did-not-see years were full of boyfriend/getting married so your work might help you that way too.

[Wren_]

hi lemon, i haven't had that situation come up but I'd probably be doing what I could to work out ways to stay in contact with my T while I was away to get some level of continued support and help. I just saw one of your other posts connected with this; you could always ask about phonecalls, skype or emails and see if it's a possibility even if it was just until you were settled in your new country

[lemon80s]

hi tigergirl, yeh I do want that - but I am too scared to ask. It makes me very uncomfortable to even admit I somehow feel a 'need' to keep her in my life. And to then ask of her to accomodate me in this thing. Pfff. How to find the courage?

[Wren_]

what do you think would help you find the courage? it seems like a very valid need to me ... to want and need your T especially in these circumstances and if there's a chance it could happen it would be good if there is a way to get to where you can ask

would knowing you have support from people here help give you courage? or ... can you think of something else that would help

I find for me needs and wants often feel really uncomfortable and admitting them is hard! so I understand that

My time with my first T ended because I graduated from college and moved away. He was a university T, so continuation was never an option. I moved on with life, took a break from therapy for quite awhile actually. It was okay really. He and I kept in touch over the years, but purely on a non-therapy level.

My second T took a position in another state. Again, I just moved on and stayed out of therapy for quite awhile. The ending again kind of hit at a turning point in my life which actually made it easier I think as life was busy and distracting. He and I did not keep in touch after his departure for no particular reason. We just both moved on.

[marcel83]

Originally Posted by lemon80s

Hi folks,

I am wondering if there are people here that left their therapy and therapist for a while or longer because there was no other choice. Not because you wanted to, but because there's no other option. How did you deal with that? Did you continue with your therapy goals on your own? Did you stay in touch with your T somehow?

I am offered a job abroad, that I really want to and have to take. My therapist agrees that this is the best thing for me right now. But I only started therapy 3 months ago and we basically just only figured out what all ails me and where it might come from. (PTSD, Alexythimia and some form of lots of dissociation). We are using the last few sessions to teach me some coping skills and I think T is trying to strengthen my sense of 'it's okay I have these things, life can go on'. But since it's not small stuff or just a matter of changing my behavior they are things I can't work on a lot on my own.

I'm sure that once I'm working fulltime in a new country and keep in mind my pitfalls and avoid them I'll be happy with my life again. The past year was just a pile up of putting myself in situations that triggered all my issues.

Anyhow. I'm already a bit attached to therapy and my T and I just find it scary to leave it all behind. Since I'm moving to a country in turmoil in the middle east, there most likely isn't a T I can visit there.

Any tips and stories are more than welcome!

Hi!
I was abandoment by my former T about 2 years ago; he just stopped to write back to me make an appointment. No reply, no explanation...Unfortunatelly I can't tell you how I feel about it now. I suppose he was tired of working with me; my therapy wasn't successful.
Now I have to quit the next therapy for a long time...I have no idea how long. I'm under the impression I'm alone even if I'm with my T. My therapy doesn't make sense ...

[lemon80s]

Well I found the courage to e-mail T and ask specifically for means to stay in touch and if she'd be willing. We'll see. I guess im not ready to let go of it yet.

Some succes stories of people that took an involuntary break would help :P

[Wren_]

I hope it works out!

[Raging Quiet]

Hello.

I had a year's break when I left Uni and changed jobs. I had terminated therapy (that I thought was forever) but life events bought me back to her. I remember it was actually useful for her as she could help me see where I had grown in that year but also knew my demons.

I wish you all the best x

[unaluna]

Um - can you look for another job? Are you being transferred there or was it something you sought out on your own? I used to work for a big software company, and I felt like they would give you an ugly transfer to try to get you to quit before you got vested in their retirement plan. Men were fine, women got screwed over. Another woman I know got sent overseas for a short trip, but it was as soon as she returned from maternity leave of having triplets. Right.

[lemon80s]

hankster - it's something I want. I recently quit university and thought I'd have a very hard time finding a job and this is a very wellpaying job doing something I will love and it's much needed in a lot of ways. T agrees on this. Really the only downside is having to postphone therapy.

--
T mailed back to my request, and she said we can keep some e-mail contact but it can't be like real therapy because she thinks that's too risky. That we'd need to be able to meet face to face if things got tough. The last 2 sessions were quite intense and only the beginning of a long journey working through past trauma. So I understand her reasoning and I wouldn't wanna work on those things when not in her office. The e-mailing thing sounds too 'loose' though. So I don't know.

I feel like I just let the genie out of the bottle and all these memories/feelings are showing up slowly. I think maybe I should push it back in for a year. Take my peace in knowing the stuff I struggle with has a name, a cause and someday a solution. Someday not being this year. This job is the best thing for me in SO MANY ways. I need this, I need to move out of my parents house. I need to save money. I need to do a job I know I'm good at. But leaving T is really a stupid downside.

Oh well, so much for the pity party. I'm gonna toughen up and look at the bright sides. This is my choice, this is what I want. I just really don't know what's gonna happen with the things that got stirred in these past 3 months of therapy.

Thanks for listening folks. Any tips and stories, still very much welcome.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Would you/could you consider therapy in the country you're visiting? Since you'll be there about a year, you could theoretically get a lot of work done?

[lemon80s]

Bubsmiley - unfortunately that isn't an option. I'm moving to a country still in unrest and very poor. There is a small expat community but from what I've seen so far there isn't a therapist there for such things. Once I'm there maybe I'll find one but doesn't look like it.

[feralkittymom]

Lemon, I took an unspecified break from therapy that stretched into 9 months. This was after many years with the same T. I really didn't plan to be away for so long, nor was I really aware of how much time passed. I took the break because I was stuck, and my T agreed it was a good idea (though I think he was envisioning maybe a month!) When I returned, I can't say I was totally unstuck, but we did productive work for a couple of more years until his retirement.

But I'm also an ex-pat, and I'm more concerned about the stresses involved in your move. No matter how organized and controlled your experience, there is a level of stress and culture shock that can hit without obvious provocation and warning. You really can't fully anticipate what triggers you may face.

I don't want to diminish your enthusiasm or confidence, but it is best to be prepared. Will your sponsor/employer provide support in the event of any sort of difficulties? Are you affiliating with a group with solid experience and structure in this work? This is especially important given the instability of the country you're going to. I ask because there are many groups that look good on paper, but don't really have the depth of protections they should have.

Perhaps your T would reconsider the Skype option if it were clear that you would only be seeking supportive therapy, not continuing your prior work.

[lemon80s]

Hi feralkitty, thanks so much for your reply. It's good to hear from another expat! I understand your concerns but am pretty sure I've got it all covered. My employer has several expats working there and they have no complaints so far. I'll be in good contact with my embassy and have the medical care for expats figured out there. As to cultureshock, I've travelled the arab world quite extensively and living there for a year has been on my bucketlist for ages. I feel confident. I also have the finances covered if I were to want to return after just a few months.

As for unforseen triggers - well, can't really do much about it I think? I feel like in therapy last few months we figured out what causes me trouble and under which circumstances I do much better and this job and this adventure seem the type of circumstance that should keep me fairly stable.

Today I'm doing much better with the whole thought of leaving therapy behind. I think my current situation is such a big stressor I feel more therapy need now than I will then. But we'll see! Thanks!

[unaluna]

Well how do you think you'll do on a day-to-day basis? We've had a couple of people on pc go to europe for uni and report freaking out and having to come home early. Do you feel fairly stable? I have to say, I got transferred from michigan to California in my 20's, causing a break in my therapy, and I was pretty good - until I met the wrong guy and my mother came to visit. I believe i would have broken up with him if she hadnt shown up! But up til then, I was doing okay, living a pretty normal life, away from my family.

[lemon80s]

Hankster - I honestly can't say. The past year and a half has been bad, I basically set myself up for failure (quitting my job and moving back home all to focus on finishing Uni by myself) and dissociated the entire year away. But before I did that I had a very active life and lot's of outside triggers to keep me grounded and active. Life was good then. T thinks me taking this job will put me back in that more stable place again. The only reason I think it might not is because back then I wasn't aware of how problematic my mental health issues can become and what all they entail. This awareness from the past 3 months of therapy has made me think on my life a lot, bringing with it all sorts of stress. But I know I used to be pretty good at just ignoring it. I'm thinking I can do it again for a year.

Then when I get back I'll have the good experience of being usefull for a year so my self esteem will be better, I'll be financially independent and I'll be refreshed from some adventure. I'm sure it's a better place to start therapy from.

Oh well. Rambling. So many things to consider. I'm taking the job. And I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be fine I guess. Haha.

[athena.agathon]

I lived abroad for three years after college, in a developing country, and in a lot of ways I found it easier to manage my life there. I loved it because I had to be fully engaged in my day to day life. I think the novelty and uniqueness of living in another culture kept me from running on autopilot as much as I would/do in my own country (and getting stuck in painful inner experience).

There was something immediate and centering about the way life was lived there. If you wanted to eat chicken, you bought a (live) chicken. People did laundry by hand, heating and air/conditioning was not a thing, and community life was obligatory (people just did not isolate themselves, because you couldn't--it was pretty much physically impossible to be alone). It was easier for me to focus on the present moment there, and contain all the inner noise. And I felt good about the work I was doing, which helped me feel good about myself, which is something I struggle with at home, without that sense of purpose that I had abroad.

I definitely spent the three years mostly "just ignoring it." Or putting it on hold so that I could have this great experience, anyway. It was doable. And I feel glad I did. The experience of living abroad was so rewarding and so personally transformative, and I think it's important not to prevent yourself from doing things that are fun, personally rewarding, and make you feel good about yourself. And it sounds like your job will pay well, too, which is a nice perk!

And I came back after that and have been slogging along in therapy since. Just my experience, but hope that gives you an another perspective!