[BobKatt]

I will be joining a therapy group on July 17th. This has been planned for six weeks. I have been waiting for one member of the group to "graduate" before I can join. My therapist just told me on Saturday that there will be one other new member joining with me on the same day.

This was news to me. I thought "oh great now I will be overshadowed by someone else on my first day."

i did not say anything to T. I feel that he should know me well enough by now (3 years) to know that I have a major problems a) feeling like I am part of a group and b) feeling comfortable talking and "taking up space".

Do I have the right to ask that I join the group alone that night? Or am I being silly?

[optimize990h]

Hello BobKatt.

In group therapy, every client in the group takes a turn in speaking about their issues.

I believe newcomers are usually given "first dibs" in terms of discussing their immediate issues. So, you two newcomers to the group would be able to be the first two to discuss your own issues. I think what you wrote describes it very well for you. I think it's better if the other new person goes before you as long as you get to express yourself.

I think what you say, being later, will have better memory retention. So, all in all, I would try to put a positive spin on any doubts.

[Wren_]

It would be good to at least talk about this with your T; who may have their own reasons for thinking it would be helpful for you to both start on the same day. Good to hear each other and see if anything can be worked out that will help you. Even after three years sometimes they need to be told about things even though we think they should know .., hope it works out - and no, not silly at all

I have done group therapy for DBT before, and it was more like a classroom setting rather than actual therapy.
I mean, we were there learning skills and we saw our individual therapist for any issues that could possibly trigger other members of the group.

Usually, we did introductions whenever a new member showed up and we gave them a chance to talk if they wanted to so we knew who they were.

I hope everything goes well with your first group session!

[mixedup_emotions]

The fact that you are aware that you feel this way is valuable information and most certainly something to discuss with T, regardless of whether or not you actually join the group at the same time as someone else.

Also, I wanted to mention, in response to optimize's post, that it's not necessarily true that each client is given a chance to talk about their issues in group or that newcomers get "dibs". I'd imagine that it largely depends on the person and the type of group..and it's not the case with the group therapy that I'm involved in.

[Perna]

For the groups I have been in (one for 10+ years) you will be glad to have someone else joining at the same time. I don't know if you ever started a school year "late" but it is sort of like that, you aren't quite sure what is going on or who the people are and the dynamics, etc. so being able to have someone else to share the others wondering about you all at once is a bit comforting.

Sessions are never wholly about you, you don't "star" or anything, you sit around and talk seriously, as in regular face-to-face therapy but other members respond to you rather than the T so much. I guess it is kind of like here/an online forum, but face-to-face. The sessions last longer than regular T though so you talk about something and then it morphs into someone else's issue brought up by the conversation and then on to another person, etc.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by BobKatt

i did not say anything to T. I feel that he should know me well enough by now (3 years) to know that I have a major problems a) feeling like I am part of a group and b) feeling comfortable talking and "taking up space".

Definitely talk to your T about your thinking on this. He may have deliberately scheduled two folks to join on the same night so that each wouldn't feel he/she was the only new person. It can be hard to join a group of any sort when you are the only new one. Having someone else new join at the same time can lessen that. The two may even form a special bond since they are new together. If you tell your T how you feel about this, then maybe he can change it.

Good luck with your group.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by BobKatt

I will be joining a therapy group on July 17th. This has been planned for six weeks. I have been waiting for one member of the group to "graduate" before I can join. My therapist just told me on Saturday that there will be one other new member joining with me on the same day.

This was news to me. I thought "oh great now I will be overshadowed by someone else on my first day."

i did not say anything to T. I feel that he should know me well enough by now (3 years) to know that I have a major problems a) feeling like I am part of a group and b) feeling comfortable talking and "taking up space".

Do I have the right to ask that I join the group alone that night? Or am I being silly?

I'll apologize right off the bat because I expect someone will find this to be offensive.

It sounds like you're saying two different things.

1. That you have a hard time feeling like you belong
2. Are upset that everyone won't be focussed on just you.

I would have thought that having someone else who is also new to the group would help you feel more comfortable because you're not alone in your new adventure - someone else will be new too.

Group therapy isn't about one individual being more important than the rest. It's either about learning skills and sharing how you've used those skills (DBT) or everyone sharing personal experiences and listening to other peoples experiences.

Maybe I'm just reading your post with the wrong "tone" in my mind, but it sounds like you're pouting because you won't be the centre of attention.

Again, I apologize if I'm off base.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by BobKatt

This was news to me. I thought "oh great now I will be overshadowed by someone else on my first day."

i did not say anything to T. I feel that he should know me well enough by now (3 years) to know that I have a major problems a) feeling like I am part of a group and b) feeling comfortable talking and "taking up space".

It's not like a work group or other group you have been in, there's no "common" task or role/job you have that others do not or ways that others can overshadow you; the leader/T makes sure that doesn't happen, that's what they are there for. You only talk when you want but periodically, if you don't do "enough" talking you are prodded for your opinion, etc. The two problems you have are exactly what group is for, to help you with.

[BobKatt]

Yes wotchermuggle you are terribly off base. It's probably never a good idea to post a reply that you have to bookend with apologies.

I'm reporting back that I did have the opportunity to talk to my T about my concerns and he assured me that if he saw me sitting frozen afraid to speak that he would help me. Also reporting that comments about the positive aspects of having another new member start on the same day were helpful. I was able to develop a new perspective and so thanks to everyone for that. Looking forward to group next Wednesday.

[tinyrabbit]

I totally understand you on this. That said, I do wonder if it might be helpful to have someone else start on the same day as you because then you won't be alone in being new to the group, so it's less of a them and you type situation if that makes sense?

[BobKatt]

Yes, it makes perfect sense now. It's funny how with time and input from others I can change my perspective 180 degrees. I'm very happy about that and glad I posted about the subject.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by BobKatt

Yes wotchermuggle you are terribly off base. It's probably never a good idea to post a reply that you have to bookend with apologies.

I offered a different opinion because I thought it would be helpful to not just you, but to someone else potentially. We can all blow smoke, but that doesn't mean it's helpful or useful for growth. I included the apologies because I know people are sensitive. I'm sorry if I offended you - it wasn't done from a place of hatred or contempt, but compassion.