Is a T Allowed to Make Mistakes?

A mistake. Maybe he missed your appointment. Maybe he was not as empathetic as he should have been. Maybe you caught him lying. Maybe he double booked you. etc.

Yes of course there are limits. The buck always stops at abuse. But I have a pile of things I am/used to be angry at my T about. Some I have forgiven, some I still hold grudges, which I will bring up at times. Maybe I'll figure them out eventually.

They are human. I think the real experience is when a T can admit their mistake, take responsibility, and apologize to the client.

Some mistakes should never be allowed... like abuse.

Thanks FTB for saying the above. Unfortunately, I fall within the throws of the T committing a major ethical violation with me and refusing to accept responsibility for it. It wasn't just a one time mistake either, it was continuous for months. Appalling really. Had he expressed remorse or apologized it would have been something. Instead he tried the old blame the client routine. Can you believe he tried to blame me for HIS unethical behavior? It's unbelievable really. Had I known therapy was going to turn into a vicious game of cat and mouse, I would have left long ago.

Back to your question. Of course we all make mistakes. It's how we handle them that separates the men from the boys. Age is not a factor here. I think a 5 year old will own up to what he's done easier than a 50 year old at times.

Man I wish I could triple thanks this. Spot on!

I think that the rupture/repair part of therapy is one of the most healing. This is a place where many enactments come into play, and if the therapist is able to notice what is happening and correct it (in fact both parties own their own part in a nonjudgmental way), then that is what therapy is all about!

T's are human, of course they are going to make mistakes. I think the more important question is whether the T can admit to making a mistake and learn from that mistake.

Health T forgot that my cat just died last week. This week he asked if I had any pets. ouch...not the end of the world, but hey you--pay attention much??

I agree. and if the T won't do it, the client is pretty stuck. I used to assume that Ts were trained for this. Some are. some aren't.

Well, I would say that if a client's growth is conditional upon a T who never makes a mistake, there's not going to be a whole lot of progress there.

I think we are most capable of learning in a relationship that is genuine. When we respond in a therapy relationship as we would in any other relationship, there is opportunity to both learn and grow from the experience.

Therapists are human beings, just like any of us. They will make mistakes from time to time, just like any of us. As long as the mistakes don't include unethical behavior, I see this as a potential important part of the healing process.

You can't expect from a T -who is just another human being, despite how we perceive them- to not make any mistakes ever. That's impossible.

The important thing is to recognise them and apologize.

This. I think there are some dealbreakers, like ethical violations, but the fact is Ts ARE going to make mistakes. Some of the most healing work can be done in recognising and repairing these.

If you've been abused or neglected, it can be very powerful to have someone say: it matters if I mess up. I remember one day, soon after I started, my T said: "There will be times when I break your trust," and talked about how sometimes he'd get it wrong and we'd deal with it. And I thought: wow, it matters if you get it wrong?

I think it's impossible to get it right all the time, so there's no point expecting it.

I totally agree. I'm not remembering anyone who has said that they need their client to be perfect so that they can do their work. Maybe I'm missing something?

I'm curious why this is an issue? Is there anyone asserting that Ts should never make a mistake?

The OP asked the question, so we are replying. (Apparently at least 2 people on the poll say T's are not allowed to make mistakes though which I find baffling.)

I do not think it is a matter of "allowing". Everyone makes mistakes all the time, it is how humans learn. T's are not us, cannot know what we have inside our heads, what we feel, until we tell them, specifically, each time. We all change constantly too and what bothers me today might not bother me tomorrow, just like how I feel right now I might not feel next week.

The bigger problem I have with therapists is when they do not themselves recognize they are but mere mortals as well. My own perception of them is that they are all too solid flesh. I find though, that some therapists forget this when they approach clients.

CE... if a T was not "allowed" to make mistakes would it stop them from doing it?

And what is a "mistake"? Who gets to decide what is a mistake? the client? the T? or is there some universal moral code ?

I know the OP asked the question. I as one of many who answered. And then I realized that I wondered why the question was being asked.

I agree it's baffling that someone would say Ts aren't allowed to make mistakes, although as I write, I wonder if it's in the definition of mistake.

I know what you mean. I've met with a therapist who was just too full of himself and couldn't stand him. I never went back.
My current T is confident but at the same time fully aware of his mortality, so to speak. But honestly, I think that if I haven't outsmarted him a few times, he would think he's God.
It's reasonable, they know that they have a huge impact on (some of) their clients' lives. They want this. We all seek acceptance after all.

P.s. I'm sliiiightly drunk, I hope my post makes sense.

No. They're like Timmy on Science Guy on Dinosaurs. If there's a mistake, everything blows up, and the Dinosaur Science Guy yells out, "We're gonna need another Timmy!"

Sorry but this answer has been reverberating in my head ever since this was first posted. Only your parents are "onlies". You can only ever have been born once. Everything else is negotiable.

I like a t to make mistakes sometimes (depending on the mistake) but it makes them appear normal and capable of being human. I had a rupture with a new t during the year and I learned a lot from her mistake. We emailed back and forth until it was sorted and she thought me a lot about mistakes and how usually the person whom didnt make the mistake but is on the receiving end of it, chooses to hurt themselves more by believing the mistake was intentional or malicious when in fact it was just human error.

I guess one or two mistakes I don't think they are entitled to make is: not doing their own work to be aware of what they may have contributed to things not working, and not admitting to ever making a mistake-never owning their mistakes.

T's are human. Of course they will make mistakes or as my T says " blow it" once in a while...it happens. The important thing is that the mistake is owned and discussed with the client. Having said that, clients will make mistakes too