[geez]

I met with T today as I haven't been feeling well. A big part of what has been bothering me is the thought of leaving therapy. I've made a lot of headway and a part of me feels like I'm done with therapy for now (at least in the short term until I start school in the fall). I told T how I was feeling anxious about it/afraid and she told me it's something I need to think about (every other week or one week a month? etc... what ever I wish).

I also told her about a dream I had and she asked me if I was trying to conceal something In a way yes I am concealing something.... from her. What I was thinking but didn't say.... I wish we could be friends. She has been such a positive part of my life and while she's not the only person in my life she's one of if not the most important person I've ever met in my life. I'm afraid of my feelings. I'm ashamed of my feelings. I'm embarrassed by my feelings. Feelings can hurt.

She asked that I think about it and send some thoughts in an email if I like. My next appt is on Tuesday and then I don't see her for two weeks.

How honest would you be?

[Asiablue]

I don't know how honest i would be. I'd like to encourage you to be honest with her but i think you have to be prepared for her to say that she can't be your friend. Especially if there is any chance you might need to go back to therapy.

Then again if you don't ask, you'll never know....

[unaluna]

Admitting she's important to you and wishing you could be friends are 2 very different things, I think. I would let her know how grateful you are.

I think what I'm learning this summer from my t, is that if I truly am not the burden my mother taught me I was, then neither is friendship, and maybe I can be a better friend and it won't feel so horrible.

My T used the cake analogy with me. He said that he can't be the whole cake but he can be a slice of that cake but over time the size of that slice will slowly diminish until he only becomes a sliver or just crumb, but he was still a part of the cake. This was in relation to my constant texting and demands for attention, and wanting the relationship to be more.
I've probably missed the point of the OP completely,.

[unaluna]

Bpa - your t should not talk about cake. He doesn't understand cake. He doesnt love cake! I mean, it sounds like cake is not that important to him, if he can talk about it diminishing in that way. Would he talk about beer that way??

[stopdog]

I think therapists are used to client's having feelings such as you describe and good ones, so I have heard, can help with the feelings you have around your desire. I don't think a client ever has to tell a therapist anything, but it could be the therapist could help with the feelings of shame etc around this if you wanted help with it.

On the contrary Hanks, he talks about cake all the time. I think he likes it WAAY too much. Maybe he regrets the slice getting smaller.

[retro_chic]

I would try and be as honest as possible. I have had similar feelings about my T and she was really good about it. At first talking about feels worse but quickly those feelings start to improve and feel more comfortable after working through them with T. That has been my experience anyway.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by geez

I wish we could be friends. She has been such a positive part of my life and while she's not the only person in my life she's one of if not the most important person I've ever met in my life. I'm afraid of my feelings. I'm ashamed of my feelings. I'm embarrassed by my feelings. Feelings can hurt

I'd think about friendship; why I have the friends I do. Are they always "such a positive part of my life"? I'd think about feelings, how I don't control them, they just show up like my thoughts. How other people cannot feel my feelings anymore than they can think, hear, or read my thoughts. I'd think about if I were afraid, ashamed, embarrassed by my thoughts and if I let my thoughts hurt me and how thoughts and feelings worked, what their purposes were and how I could use them now to help me.

Whatever I learned form thinking about it all after a day or two, I might write an email to T or I might just keep thinking and watching my feelings flicker like firelight :-) and think about how I would try to talk to T on Tuesday.

[peaches100]

I think that if you starting to think about termination, that this is the time to tell t what is in your heart while you still have the chance. Just be prepared if your t says she can't be your friend. There are certain ethical considerations that she must take into consideration -- and although it may not feel like it, the restriction is for the client's good. It's hard to transition from a relationship that has been between the "carer" and the "cared about." There is an inherent power difference in the t relationship. It is designed to be that way. But transitioning to a friendship changes the whole dynamics of the relationship. Some people are able to make that transition, but many are not.

Keep in mind, too, that if you t says you can't be friends, she may still make allowances for rare, brief contact via email, letter, or phone as a way to keep your connection and let her know how you are doing. Every t is different.

[peaches100]

PS - I didn't mean to imply that the patient doesn't care about the therapist by calling them the ones that are "cared about." I just meant that the t relationship is based upon meeting the needs of the patient. Their needs take first place. But a friendship is between 2 equals who both have needs.