Couch 58 A place to sit and......

Aug 13, 2013, 03:09 PM

I do like you so much, granite. Thank you. I am in bed now and will try to sleep soon, but just so you know I'm not losing my job, it's just that teaching starts next week, and I have a bunch of stuff I ought to have done over the summer which I haven't done and once teaching starts I won't have much time for that. So that stresses me out a bit, but I'm aware of how horribly stressful it is not to have a job. So I'm grateful about that.

Aug 13, 2013, 03:14 PM

No punching people in the face. No punching people in the face. No punching people in the face.

Having one of those I hate my job/ I hate myself moments.

WikidPissah · Aug 13, 2013, 04:05 PM

Daughter won the fashion show. Go daughter. I got to hear all good things about her from her teachers and staff.

Aug 13, 2013, 04:06 PM

That is SO awesome, Wikid!!

granite1 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:07 PM

very cool wiki

Aug 13, 2013, 04:28 PM

I agree that is really cool, congrats... its nice to hear nice things about a kid you raised. Ok I'm off to see Country T. I don't wanna, but Im gonna.

Aug 13, 2013, 04:34 PM

Actual conversation:

H: I think we should schedule 1 hour a week for us to do something together go for walk, window shop, go out to dinner
Me: Having to do something at a certain time or day is just another thing on the schedule to have to deal with... and it makes it feel like I'm an item on your checklist. We live in the same house not sure why we should need to assign a certain time. Its just added pressure for me...

ughh .... but he told me last week that according to the calendar I'm probaby hormonal so he isn't taking anything I say personally.

granite1 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:36 PM

yadayadayada

granite1 · Aug 13, 2013, 04:39 PM

ok I must explain my last post .for some reason it would not let me go to the last page so I figured if I posted something it would do that and it worked . that is all .it is directed to no one just me yammering yammering yammering away

Aug 13, 2013, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Actual conversation:

H: I think we should schedule 1 hour a week for us to do something together go for walk, window shop, go out to dinner
Me: Having to do something at a certain time or day is just another thing on the schedule to have to deal with... and it makes it feel like I'm an item on your checklist. We live in the same house not sure why we should need to assign a certain time. Its just added pressure for me...

ughh .... but he told me last week that according to the calendar I'm probaby hormonal so he isn't taking anything I say personally.

Ready, I can see where you are coming from, but I can also see this from his viewpoint. I think carving out a specific time just for the two of you to concentrate on each other can be important. It's a time when you know you have the other person's attention and YOU are the priority at that moment. It's a sign (maybe) that he wants to make your relationship more of a priority and that it's important to him. It was helpful for H and I to have a specific time each week where working on our relationship was a priority and the focus.

The hormonal comment would make me want to punch him in the face, though. I am, however, in a face punching mood.

I am really and truly hormonal right this minute.

05:06 PM

I'm done complaining.... I'm concentrating on what is important to me....

my new motto:
There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn't even jump puddles for you.

Aug 13, 2013, 04:53 PM

Country T has nat king cole playing in her waiting closet... She moved offices and at least she has a waiting area now, even if it is a closet.

RTS what about you just have date night once a week?

WikidPissah · Aug 13, 2013, 05:05 PM

RTS...I think a set time is important. Perhaps sharing feelings is too much to ask right now. Maybe you can just be together with a common interest? Go see a movie, you don't have to talk...just BE with each other. Or, out to a coffee house and see a band. Again, emphasis on being together. I don't think sharing or physical touch is as important as just getting comfortable being near each other. It's also important to communicate what you'd like to do...take turns deciding if you think it will cause blame. Set some ground rules even. My first ground rule with H when we started see ing each other again was "no sex on date nights". I wanted to just be relaxed, without feeling like he was "after something" or like I had to "perform". When you take the expectations off, it makes it easier. (Not that my rule and your rules would be the same, I was just giving mine as an example)

WikidPissah · Aug 13, 2013, 05:17 PM

The kids at the school today. No, I won't pin point mine.

Aug 13, 2013, 05:25 PM

Wiki... really cool picture. thanks for sharing...

CantExplain · 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morgansangel

Hmmm I guess so, I'm just scared she'll say 'well nothing works so might as well talk about something until I get rid of you' I know, paranoia speaking but I'm really scared to rock the boat. Also if she says 'well what do *you* want to talk about?' I have no idea :/

((Angel))

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2013, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Squirrel1983

Evening couch.

I just spent the last hour trying to remember the password for my journal file. I went through all the combos it could possibly be until it finally worked. It was just so long since the last time I needed to journal (almost 2 months) that it was not in the front of my mind anymore.

What caused me to write in my journal? My freaking mother. She texted last night when I tried calling her that she couldn't talk but could "tomorrow" (meaning today). I call her today, no answer. I leave a message. No return phone call. I call 2 hours later...voicemail again. No return phone call again. I call after another hour, still no answer. Left another message. A few minutes later I get a text that she "forgot" and is "at a conference" and "can't talk". I ask when she will be home. She texts back "Saturday". WTF?!? How could you forget you had a weeklong conference/convention to attend? I asked what it was for...of course it is for her stupid ministry. Here she goes again putting the ministry before her own kids. I wanted somone IRL to talk to about what happened today. But of course she "failed" me once again. I don't know whether to be hurt or angry. I am kind of a mix between the two...if that is possible.

Just email T my frustration over the mother incident and the day's activities. Don't know that I will get a response before I go to work tomorrrow, but hopefully I will have one when I get home tomorrow.

Well...I am off to relax, then go to bed. Have a good night everyone. Sleep well.

((Squirrel))

Painful.

And yet, people do forget the most obvious things.

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2013, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Readytostop

My session with xT went well. We talked about me feeling like an empty mirror, a shell of a person and how I don't feel like I can be me around H... and about my desire to get rid of H... I asked if I'm repeating a pattern of pushing everyone away...

xT said he thinks its always best to figure yourself out before making major changes... He asked me what keeps me from being who I want to be... He let me sit in silence for a while figuring it out...I'm afraid. I don't know what I'm truly afraid of other than maybe being a failure...being ridiculed... not sure what it is...

He said he would help me in anyway I want him to when I'm ready but that he really thinks group T would help because I could learn to trust people and be in "relationship"

It doesn't solve my H dilemma...sometimes when I look at H I feel nothing but disgust ... but that doesn't mean I have to throw him out... I didn't talk to T about it but I've decided to be true to my feelings... I'm not just pretending that I have feelings that I don't have anymore.

ETA: Lola how fitting...

((Ready))

Your T is right. It's a good idea to work out what you want before you start making plans.

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2013, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I was immediately pissed off at the paperwork because she REQUIRES her patients to consent to her getting in touch with medical providers or she will refuse to treat the person. Not really relevant for our situation because the doctors have requested that we have the psychologist coordinate with them and get input from them about what they want D to focus on in terms of relaxation techniques, pain coping skills, etc. But if it were a therapist for me, I would have walked out at that point.

So why didn't you?

OK, maybe that's not a fair question.

But I do find it interesting that you are willing to make compromises for your daughter that you are not willing to make for yourself. Not saying that either decision is wrong, but it's ... interesting.

healed84 · Aug 13, 2013, 05:49 PM

Back from T session.. I think I will write about it in a separate post. Lola I hope country T appointment goes well. Wiki- that is cool about your daughter. RTS- I hate to say this, but I think your H had a good idea! It was a proactive on his part. (((hugs)))

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2013, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

Sorry, I'm not able to catch up on the rest of the couch posts tonight....just got in at 2:45 AM. Yep, I stayed at my friend's house way longer than I intended to.

She always finds ways to get me to stay longer. I KNOW this about her, yet I fall for it anyway and don't have the guts to be firm in my position. First it's "oh I gotta show you something"....then it's "but I have food cooking - you have to stay to eat some!"....then it's "oh, but I have cake too"....then right when I'm about to walk out the door because it's after midnight, it's "I've been so depressed about this situation and have wanted to talk to you about it all night, here goes"....

...and, of course, there's the "oh there's so much food leftover, you're gonna come over tomorrow to eat with me, right? I can't eat all this myself!"....

*sigh*.....Anyhoo....it was nice to get out, but I'm going to regret it because there is strong possibility that I will get an emergency assignment in the morning. I got an emergency call earlier tonight and they said they would need someone to be there for a psych eval tomorrow but would call the agency in the morning when they knew what time. I knew better than to be out so dang late.

Goodnight, couch peeps!

((MUE))

Well, at least you know what you are in for.

stopdog · Aug 13, 2013, 05:53 PM

I thought this was interesting. I have not got much tolerance for being unhappy. I am usually the leaver.
But I don't think I agree with a lot of what this blogger says either.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...or-getting-out

CantExplain · Aug 13, 2013, 06:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

The thing is...
I am a Christian, but I have always believed in balance, kind of a ying yang. When one is saved, one is taken. Balance in all things, good for evil and so forth. One of the reason I believe in random acts of kindness is because I kind of feel my job on earth it to balance the evil my father did. He was SO bad, therefore I have to be SO good.

I lived, she died. It kills me to think that if I had let the cancer take me out, she may not have died. Like my living has caused so much pain.

I know most of you won't agree with that. I am not looking for anyone to prove me wrong or anything, it's a core belief. I just am trying to explain why I feel so crappy.

Your death would not have saved her.