Couch 61: How Long Will it Last?

Thanks Mast for the advice
Thanks for the support MUE, Jersey and Ce.
Well here goes nothing I leave in an hour

Its a place where people who may not want to start a thread come to kinda talk about stuff. It moves quickly and there are people who come here that have really gotten to know each other. Sometimes the chat is unrelated to therapy directly and more about support in ones life and with ones T. Anyone can join in. And no I assume your not stupid.

Good morning, Lola.

Today, I am fighting every urge I have to cancel to email t and tell him I am done.

Don't cancel T, healed.

i'm afraid my T reads this forum

This comes up regularly here. You can read old threads on it if you do a search.

I personally doubt if therapists are interested enough to read this forum to find their clients, I don't think anyone is all that unique and identifiable here as we seem to think we are, and the things that get brought up are not all that different.
But what difference would it make if the therapist did read here?

I don't know. I don't want to appear weak or vulnerable and I won't want her to know that I seek this extra aid

I think therapists think everyone is vulnerable and I don't know why one would care if a client seeks extra aid, but I also seriously don't think many therapists read this forum just to seek out their clients and I don't think it is as easy as clients think for them to be identified.

I am sure you are rocking it out at this point lola .thinking of you .

welcome tigerthc

went back to working on my time line of stuff and when I lived ware and it is so hard. it really hits home horribly. to be reading in my journals at that time and also trying to piece together when I was so bad off I couldn't right .to see how young I was for some things going on and also how long it all went on for .it makes me feel horrible .maybe it isn't a good idea to do this. I did a small one when I first started T and my T wouldn't take it to look at it .she wanted me to read it out loud and I wouldn't so I tore it up and never did one again until now. this one is way more detailed as I am asking family members about stuff and reading more in my journals.

((granite)) That sounds horrid. I forget, did your T ask for this? Maybe you are getting too detailed? Just be safe, okay?

Hey all...I've slept most of the day away. I just don't want to do s h it. Had to get up and take the girls out, figured I'd give ya all a wave while I was at it.

no she has not asked for it .I just was thinking about it because she did not know that I had lived with my grandmother for a bit . she commented again how little she knows and that was interesting .so I thought about doing this again. maybe it is to detailed . TMI but mostly it is ware I lived when etc.. but it is me reading through my journals to find the dates . I have come across a lot I didn't remember about those days wow

I think the things that hurt and have shocked me the most was the dates and stuff from the mother and memories I have show that I was being SA as young as 3years old and also being beat up by the mother. I thought I was older because I remember some of this stuff. I did not think children that young remembered things like that. I know definitely at 4 but evidence and date say it might have been as young as three because I know this babysitter was there at that time

It is hard when you really sit down and look at it, Granite.

Trigger warning for discussion of physical abuse


I was telling T about how my mom tells this "funny" story about how she has known since I was 4 years old that I would be an attorney. She talks about sneaking up on me and catching me in the hallway watching TV after she put me to bed. She will openly tell anyone who will listen that she 'beat the tar out of' me. The 'funny' part of the story is that as soon as I could stand up again, I turned to her and told her why it was not fair for her beat me that way when she snuck up on me.

I don't think the story is funny, but considered it a story about how stubborn I am and how I cause my own pain and am partly responsible for the abuse. My T listened to the story and then said, 'how big is a 4 year old? Do you realize how tiny they are? And she was already beating you at FOUR until you couldn't stand up.' T turned into a story about me being little and helpless and trying desperately to maintain sanity and my own identity. These stories, and the time lines involved can be HUGELY helpful to share, Granite, and I hope your T will actually look at this one.

Yea...I can see how it would help. I remember sketching XT a 1940's filing cabinet. Drawers and labels and keys and locks. It was a "map" of my life I guess. He laughed it off, and never looked at it again. I was so freakin embarrassed that I humiliated myself by bringing in some of my artwork.

((( granite )))

I think when things are traumatic, it stays with us and the memories are clear - even at a young age. I have some horrible memories of when I was 4 years old. They are quite vivid.

I am on the verge of tears right now....

I've been busting my butt over the last 2 weeks, being a godsend to my agency - working around the clock at times. And then today, I come home to an email from them saying "oh, one of our staff terps is back, so we are taking back your Thursday ongoing assignments".....WTF? I didn't think they'd have that right. I'm super upset about it, because the one thing I've wanted is some consistency.

I emailed my manager letting her know how disappointed I feel and asked what it would take to become a staff interpreter. I'm waiting to hear back from her.

It does not feel good AT ALL to know that they can just pull my assignments out from under me after I've accepted and confirmed them. Not AT ALL.

and off I go.

pick up daughter.
work at the homeless shelter.
back to bed by 8 (hopefully)

sorry MUE...
(we cross posted)
((pinch poke buy me a coke))
(((I hope they have a good response)))

wiki that was horrible of him. no wonder you are not so keen on seeing a T

I am so glad you have such an awesome T to be able to point these things out to you. he is right you know

has anyone here ever done a time line for there T's if so what kind of information did you put in it. mine is only dates of when I lived in particular places and stuff like when my parents divorced and got remarried .when some people died etc and stuff like that . no information about any traumatic stuff that happened to me. if you did one did you add traumatic information. all the memories associated with these dates are stuffed in my memory never to be spoken.

For me, therapy is a place to explore my weaknesses, examine them and share them. I never consciously try to hide my weaknesses from my T.

Granite I did a timeline when I wa trying to figure out when stuff happened since I dont remember so much....i put all of my family member's names mom dad 5 siblings and me down the side and years across top and I added stuff like when we moved what years my dad got laid off and worked two jobs...when my mom went to work....when my sister started schools when everyone graduated from high school college and moved out etc... I was specifically wanted to know what happened when I was 11 because that is when I can start remembering daily life...that is the year my oldest brother moved out