[Melody_Bells]

I found T's name on a gardening forum. I can't read any posts because it's members only.

If I join, is it creepy? It costs $2 to become a member.

I am so curious to "hear" how she sounds in real life. I love her and wish I could know more about her and feel connected.

But I'm also afraid I'll find out more about her than I can handle. I still don't know if she's married, her likes and dislikes...I know nothing about her, while she knows me inside out.

[allme]

I vote stay away!

[Hopelesspoppy]

If you have to create fake e-mail accounts or such it is not okay. I have done it, was discovered, and the results continue to be devastating. DON'T. But if it is public and opened, it is there to be shared.

Tempting as it is, and I have been tempted too, I knnow it will not enhance your relationship with your T.

[BlessedRhiannon]

If you're not interested in the content of the forum and are only joining to read T's posts, then it's bordering on stalkerish and you might not like what you read.

If you're really interested in the content of the forum, then I'd say it's more ok, but still proceed with caution.

[Wren_]

if you are just wanting to find more about her; have you tried asking her some of those questions?

[RTerroni]

I say it is OK as it is public space, who know you may find out that you have lots of common interests in certain subjects (in this case gardening), it was through a little research of my own (specifically finding her LinkedIn profile) that I found out that my Therapist and I are Alums of the same University and we now talk about it all the time (almost every session).

Why not bring this up in therapy first? But to be honest, there's nothing your T can do to stop you joining that forum.

[RTerroni]

Plus you never know your Therapist could be on these boards as well, which is why I am thinking that maybe I should change my User Name (I assume that I can) since I am too easily detectable with the one I have now, and I have already said many things on here that I really wouldn't want her to know (at least not without talking about it to her first).

On second thoughts I am a member of the same social group as my T. I joined before he was my T, and it is comforting to know you share a common interest and if you ever run out of things to say you can always talk about it. The only thing is before he was my T he was just an attractive guy but not someone I had an interest in. Now I keep watching his interactions out of the corner of my eye. We both seem to have backed off from this group since he became my T.

[Melody_Bells]

Allme, Thanks for your input!

Hopeless Poppy, I am sorry you had a bad experience with this and was discovered. That must've been hard. You are brave for admitting it, thanks for your help.

BipolarArtist, Thank you, you are right, thanks for understanding the temptation. It's cool that you were in the same group as your T before he became your T! How nice! Thank you for sharing!!!

Blessed Rhiannon, Thanks, I've become interested in gardening because of my T, but still to be honest I am tempted to join mostly to read her posts.

Tigergirl, and Lycanthrope, good point, I don't know if I can ask her questions, she usually changes the subject when I ask her stuff. I feel awkward asking her stuff, I feel like a child who asks mommy where babies come from. It's not allowed. But perhaps I'll try again. Thank you!

RTerroni, Wow that's cool that you found out your T are alums! I understand your worry, but your T is probably too busy to read this forum. T knows I've become interested in gardening too, but I don't garden very much while she does it all the time.

[FeelTheBurn]

It's an irresistible impulse, but resist it anyway. It won't make you feel closer or calm those feelings of wanting to be close; it will only fan those flames. You won't learn enough to "really" know her. And you risk making yourself feel creepy, regardless of your innocuous intentions. I've done my share of googling and Facebook "creeping," and while it gave me a temporary charge and illusion of getting closer, in the end I wasn't any more a part of her outside life and I felt sort of gross for doing it. It's not worth it.

And yes, it's a public forum and no one can stop you, but let your wise mind prevail and step away.

Not Okay!

Don't Do It ... !!!

Subterfuge will only hurt the therapeutic relationship.

That's all I've got to say about it.

[Melody_Bells]

Thank you FeelTheBurn for sharing your wise experience about Facebook/Google creeping. It helps to hear what you went through. I'll reread your post when I feel tempted. Thank you, take care!

Pfrog, Thank you! But are you sure ? But what if I'm missing out on important juicy info about T's life? well OK, you are probably right, thanks for helping me to be not-creepy.

[tealBumblebee]

I say do not do it. Stay far far away. Nothing good can come out of this.

[Victoria'smom]

If it were me would not join the group. I don't feel it's creepy, I'd just feel weird and be way to worried that it would negatively effect therapy.

[1stepatatime]

I would feel like a stalker...a creeper!! No...I couldn't go there

[tinyrabbit]

I picked the wrong option and can't change it. I think it's creepy. Sorry. It would be one thing if it was publicly available but to pay to join just to read your T's posts? That's intrusive.

I accidentally discovered that my T does something performance-related in his spare time. I could buy a ticket and go watch him, but I'm not going to, because I would be knowingly intruding on his life and I don't think it would be good for me or my therapy.

I say get all the info that's out there. But a mac & newspaper and hang around where they live. Take photos of their every move. Get your kids in the same sch as their kids. Oh there's so much more to be done. But I'm tired now.

[Hopelesspoppy]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I picked the wrong option and can't change it. I think it's creepy. Sorry. It would be one thing if it was publicly available but to pay to join just to read your T's posts? That's intrusive.

I accidentally discovered that my T does something performance-related in his spare time. I could buy a ticket and go watch him, but I'm not going to, because I would be knowingly intruding on his life and I don't think it would be good for me or my therapy.

Mine would have wanted me to go, egomaniac that he his. I would have had to stay undercover though...

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

I accidentally discovered that my T does something performance-related in his spare time. I could buy a ticket and go watch him, but I'm not going to, because I would be knowingly intruding on his life and I don't think it would be good for me or my therapy.

I have to disagree with you on that, I think that it might be great to go see him perform sometime since it would be great because you can see him from different perspective and see that he is a regular person and not just someone who only exists within the confines of a Therapy room. However before doing so I would definitely tell him that you know about it and are planning on going to a performance.

If I did public performances I would love for my Therapist to see one of them (would probably even mention it at a session) but unfortunately I don't