T can't save me

I meant like my problem with my mom emailing me about money. I'm overreacting.

I'm not sure I'm okay. I will be okay. I couldn't do anything serious even if I wanted to. I don't have the right tools. I'll be here tomorrow. I promise.

Okay. Thanks. I'm glad that you will be.

Good night!

Ultramar started a thread that links to a really good article you might find helpful. http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...esilience.html

Thanks for the article.

I HATE using the word "victim" to be weak or negative. I never got to be the victim as a kid. Everything was always my fault. Calling me weak because I was victimized and making me feel bad for that doesn't make me rise above it. I guess you didn't say that exactly. I dunno.

Not only did I not say that EXACTLY, I did not say that AT ALL nor did I even imply it. I linked to an article that I found helpful and that I hoped you would also find helpful. Anything beyond that is what you read into my post. I had thought that if I offered no advice and no opinions, it might be safe for me to post links for you that be helpful. I was wrong and if I return to the forum in the future, I will refrain from addressing you at all.

No, I'm sorry. It is safe for you to post links and it is safe for you to offer advice. I appreciate any help. I really wasn't trying to say that you were implying that. I guess I was trying to say that is what the topic makes me feel like. Talking about overcoming victimization and breaking free from my parents makes me feel pathetic for being too scared and weak to make the first step. It really has nothing to do with you because you never said that at all. I didn't communicate that well. I'm sorry.

I saw your post on the "What I would tell my T" thread. Please tell your T that you need additional help, that you can't be sure of safety. Please tell her today (Monday), or, if she is not available, please tell that other counselor you saw.

I'm only just catching up with this thread. Growlithing, I'm so sorry you're in so much pain right now.

I think your problems are real and important. But, for the record, it's not the size of the problem that matters when it comes to reaching out for help - it's the size of the pain you're feeling. And the pain you're feeling sounds pretty big to me. Like many of us, you've been conditioned to deny and minimise it. But emotional pain is kind of like a fire, in my opinion - if it's burning, it's burning.

For the record, I don't think you're high maintenance. I want you to post more and reach out more - as much as you need to. I really hope you can talk to your T as well, like Bill said.

Also, you could email jo@samaritans.org to talk by email. They say:

We aim to respond to your email within 12 hours. How quickly we respond depends on how many volunteers we have working at that time.

If you email jo@samaritans.org and don't receive a reply within 24 hours, it may be worth checking your junk mail folder or resending your original message just in case there was a problem with sending it the first time.

Huge hugs to you.

I just feel like there are so many other people on this forum that need help and if I keep bumping my thread, other people will be missed.

I guess what’s hard is that I really don’t even know what is wrong with me. I feel fine during the day, but once I’ve been alone for a little while, I get locked into this feeling that everything in my life is just a distraction from the fact that I am a meaningless, undesirable, shell of a human being that is damned to a life of continually escaping my family only to be dragged back to them. I can’t shake that feeling and I just feel so hollow all of the time. Sometimes, I get triggered and I get really upset and panicky, but it’s usually just this dull, achey feeling in my heart.

I’m done with helplines or any of that stuff. I called lifeline the other day. The lady on the phone talked to me for 10 minutes, told me that I have to “change my entire personality” and get more “spunk” (her words) if I want to make it in this world. She told me I need to go out to parties and have fun. She also told me that I owe something to my mother because she pays for my tuition and questioned why my father ignores me. I don’t know why he ignores me, okay? He just does and asking me to question that is like asking me to hurt myself.

I emailed my school desperately asking for more help because I decided that I have to keep fighting even if I’m too tired to go on.

I also feel like I have to hide how I'm feeling to everyone in real life because no one can handle hearing about it. No one can help me. Not my friends, not my T, and not even the people on the ****ing crisis lines.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, Growlithing. I'm certain there must be a way of muddling through this to a much better state of mind for you, maybe not tonight or quickly but still out there somewhere in ways you can't imagine right now - please try to keep your heart up.

I was involved with mass rehab it was awesome and the people were great .they helped with child care and a bunch of stuff when I was a single mom going to school

There is more than enough space for your thread and everyone else's.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with lifeline. That sounds really annoying. You don't owe your mother anything! Paying money doesn't make up for failing you in other areas.

Please please please keep talking to us. I'm sure your T *can* handle it.