Going in patient

Grow...
It sounds here like you've already begun to take some control. be proud of how you've been able to deal with your current situation..
It's terrifying being inpatient! Whether you make the decision yourself or sort of forced. A year ago I realized with both my PDoc and T that I needed to go inpatient....I was so scared.
Turns out that I met some really wonderful people, who were all going through their rough patch just like me. Most people came via the ER, some came for different treatments and I was the joke! I was the only one who drove, on my own and checked myself in. (arrangement was made by my PDoc of course), everyone laughed when I said I drove myself.
I hope that this made you smile a little!
Hang in there! I know you can do it!

You're in the best place possible right now. Even tho it doesn't seem like it..and as far as the attempts to end your life I just want to say to please accept any and all help they offer you. Things can get really really bad but there is ALWAYS a light at the end of tunnel no matter what the situation is. Hopefully you come out feeling better about yourself and how valued your life truly is.

No I'm not. I'm trapped here and it's basically a jail. Yes, being here for a few days might have been beneficial. At this point, it is just ridiculous. I want them to just refer me to outpatient help and get me out of here. Asking me to improve here psychologically is like putting a physically handicapped person in a padded room and asking them to cartwheel. They took away absolutely everything that makes life worth while. I wake up every morning into a complete vacuum and the Kafkaesque nature of being in here needs to end. The only thing I have to look forward to in here is just the next time I can take vistaril because it is the only thing that can help me forget that I am completely trapped in here and getting increasingly out of shape.

I have been inpatient a few times and it was a series of classes and doctor appointments, group, yada yada. They also had a day room to hang out in.... what type of facility are you in? It sounds like they just have you in a hospital room?

Being inpatient isn't am easy situation! Especially when you aren't making the decision to do it on your own....and even when you do it isn't. I'm so sorry that your experience isn't going so well. I wish that there was something that could make things a little better or at the least more comfortable. I hope that posting and knowing that there are people here that care helps, even if it's just a teeny bit.
Oh and the fact that you have computer access...really something to jump for! Feels so isolating without knowing what's going on in the world.

Wishing you all the best!!! and a big ((hug))

I'm sorry you've feeling so miserable, but I agree with the others who think it's probably a good place for you to be right now. I hope that you feel better tomorrow, that you find things to do, and that you get the help you need.

Yes, it's horribly difficult. But you're not there to forget; you're there to be in a place where you can be medically stabilized and where you cannot harm yourself while you face yourself. The lack of distractions isn't to punish you, it's to take away the many ways you have to distract yourself in your usual daily life. The more you face while there, the more you'll be able to control your life when you're out. Being there isn't some interval imposed upon you or an obstacle to get past--use your time there to make your life better.

It's really hard to make my life better when I don't have access to the only thing that gives my life real meaning: my music. The longer I'm in here, the more and more I find myself just lying in bed, aching to play.

But the music isn't enough to solve your problems. You were SH even with your music. You need to face your issues head on rather than using your music as an escape only to have those issues blow up in your face through self harming. You know I am a musician, so I understand your need for music, but I see you using it as an escape (and a not particularly effective one at that apparently) when right now you need to be facing your issues head on. Don't use your lack of music as another excuse not to work on yourself. It isn't going to solve your problems.

I'm sorry that you are hurting so.

Still, rather than focusing on what unfortunately isn't available right now, try to ask yourself: What people and other resources are there IP and online--even as seemingly straightforward as writing your personal reflections on what is posted here--that can help you address your issues?

Try not to "find myself" anywhere. Rather, find ways to take control of what you can control, get help that you can get, and use that to help yourself get better.

Get out of bed. Go to groups. Interact with other patients. You'd be surprised how much you can gain from talking to other people who are also struggling. Wallowing in self pity in bed is NOT going to help you.

No one is forcing you to lay in bed WITH internet access, making excues and complaining about your situation. ( Comparing it to a jail)

It seems like no matter what enviroment you are in, living with your parents, in your own apparment or being hospitalized, it´s not good enough?

We can´t change our enviroment we have to start by changing ourselves.

This just emphasizes what NOT taking control or responsibility looks like, no matter how well you sometimes present your willingness to do so, in some post or at least try to advocate for your right to be taking care of 24/7.

We can all write " there there" and " take care of you" in here, and put you in the role of a victim , we can even make suggestions for what you should do to keep you activated while admitted, so you don´t even have to think about that for yourself.You are sorounded by pros and they may need to evaluate you so please do ALSO address these issues with them to get a proper assesment and a treatment plan.

To me and I do realise your pain and symphazise with your struggles, but thats just not supportive IMO. Do I sound harsh as usually, uhm..yes I do, but we are all basically reinforcing your pattern/copingstyle/dynamic at the moment and I am trying to be supportive by NOT doing so.

Several of us on this thread have responded in ways not reinforcing a dysfunctional pattern without being harsh.

I was trying to be " selfaware" about the fact, that I can come across as harsh, when it´s not really my intention.

Thanks for "non-harsh " comment

Perhaps I misread this? To me and I do realise your pain and symphazise with your struggles, but thats just not supportive IMO. Do I sound harsh as usually, uhm..yes I do, but we are all basically reinforcing your pattern/copingstyle/dynamic at the moment and I am trying to be supportive by NOT doing so.

I thought you were saying that only you are challenging the OP and being harsh was the way to do that. When, in fact, several posts are not reinforcing the OP's pattern and are not harsh.

Yes I believe you misread it. I think I´ve tried to clarify what I meant. How you choose to still interpretate it, is up to you

I agree. And some have sounded harsh to me.

Whats basically the difference between writing a " harsh" comment and comments like these about other members, on the recieving end? I have to ask

In my opinion Im not sure responding to the OP at all is helpful, as she is actually in a facility that is capable of helping her , if she chooses to do so. Her reaching out to the board while surrounded by qualified people IRL is not helping her to receive the support from people who are much better equipped to assess the situation and help her develop a plan of action. Side note I have never known an inpatient facility where they allowed internet access and find it strange.

My comments were half-addressed to Growli but also to others for the basis of discussion.

You could argue that we're all surrounded by qualified people IRL and flesh-and-blood human beings IRL and yet we still reach out online for anonymous and honest connection.

My comment wasn't directed at you PeeJay or anyone for that matter, I have been following Growli's story for awhile now and that is just my opinion. I do wish her well and hope she finds what she needs while inpatient, as I know she really didn't want it to have to come to this.

This sounds more argumentative to me, than like you want an answer, but perhaps I am mistaken. If you wish to engage in discussion about the difference, and perhaps I will realize there isn't a difference after further discussion, let me know. Probably should be a new thread, but I'm happy to engage with you.

A gentle reminder folks,

Please keep your posting in a supportive manner and on topic. Any interpersonal issues between members should be taken private via pm and not publicly on the thread.

Thank you all for your support of the OP.

With Care,
sabby

We had WIFI in hospital and also tons of daily activities- even heavily medicated ppl were required to attend at least some.
I guess it depends...

I agree they are all different, on SI watch I couldn't even have a string on my PJ's or a pen, let alone a phone. If I go in patient again , hopefully never, Ill have to find one less restrictive. But ditto on the classes , they made us interact.