Going in patient

As far as I can remember you are allowed to have a cell phone so long as there is no camera. I guess the same would go for a tablet with no camera. All to protect the identity of ALL patients.

This is the usual reason for no electronics. Cell phones can be broken and used to SI. In addition, hospitals tend to try to limit patient contact without supervision as often the people they contact are not "helpful" (angry family, criticizing "friends", enablers of bad choices, or in the extreme, drug dealers, etc.) Some hospitals don't have the facilities to separate the higher risk patients into a stricter ward, so the rules have to apply to all as at risk patients do find ways to get hold of other patients' property.

I am not allowed to have my phone. There is a PC in the dayroom. All I have is a notebook and the same clothes I've been wearing for six days. Having computer access at all is nice.

Well, the dean of my school came in. Apparently, I'm being forced to take a medical leave from school and do a full time DBT program. I'll still be allowed to live in my apartment and practice and maybe even see my teacher, but I'm not allowed to go to school and play in the ensembles. I'll definitely have to take an extra year to graduate.

I know I'm wayyy overreacting to this... but I've been beyond heartbroken since I found out. The piece I was going to play in orchestra next week was something I was really looking forward to. I wasn't sure I wanted to do DBT at all but now I'm going to have to do it for hours every day until January if I want to be allowed back to school in the spring. I really REALLY can't deal with this. I ended up flipping out and going to desperate measures to SI. The psychiatrist knows about this and I've been kept on an even shorter leash after that happened.

I know I said I wanted help, but I kinda feel like Harry Potter and I just heard I got expelled from Hogwarts. I feel like my life is a vacuum and I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Well, I don't feel like that when the hospital pumps me medication. But my life is a complete mess and I don't know what is happening or what is going to happen to me or when I will see my T or when I will be allowed out of here. I just want fresh underwear at this point.

Your roommates or parents can get fresh clothes to you. I'm betting there is a washer/dryer somewhere they allow patients to use. You can put on a hospital gown while your clothes wash and dry. Find out how to go about getting this problem solved. I am truly sure there are ways to go about this. I've even seen that the social workers will provide patients with extra clothes. There are ways. Advocate for yourself.

Losing one semester of school while you work on your issues is not the end of the world. Dying would be the end of the world for you. Put it into perspective.

I had to take a semester off from school. In fact it was my very last semester of college; my student teaching semester. It felt devastating. I get that. But it was the right thing for me at the time. I was in NO shape to try to get through school. I was able to get some well-needed rest, get my head back in the right place, and return to school in the fall to complete my last semester. Sure, I graduated later than planned, but I was alive and it made that last semester so much better because my head was in the right place.

You will get through this. You will learn some VERY important skills for your health and survival. You will return to school and be able to pick up where you left off, better than you left off actually.

You essentially got kicked out of school for self harming? I mean, if you tried to kill yourself, that's different. I definitely don't envy you. I'd be going ape-**** if I was you. I wish they would have offered to cut back your work load first with more support. Some people don't realize how much school/work helps us cope.

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No matter what happens, this is a NO-win situation.

Someone stepped in to "rescue you" and you don't like that.
They leave you alone and don't meet your needs and you don't like that because "they don't care."

You have more than alot of people and instead of taking the lifelines that are being given to you, you complain.

I am surprised these continuous self-harming, acting-out threads are permitted....

Sorry. I was woken up this morning to listen to one of the deans of my school, a woman that emailed with me back and forth that I had opened up to and trusted to be there for me tell me that my school is forcing me to not come back until at least January because they can't handle me. Just 12 hours ago, I was planning out time to prepare the music and homework I had to do for the next two weeks. I was looking forward to working out the difficult passages in one of the pieces of music and going to class to play these excerpts I was working on. I was looking forward to seeing my T at the two regularly scheduled times. Now my life is suddenly completely different and none of that is going to happen. I'm not even going to graduate when I thought I was going to graduate. The entire timeline of my life has been completely thrown off without any warning whatsoever.

I can cognitively understand that this is probably the best thing for me. I admittedly was not able to handle my full course load while try to recover from my problems. I know that my problems are far bigger than just seeing a T twice a week can handle. But forgive me for being really in shock and upset that the first place in my entire live where I have ever felt truly accepted is suddenly turning me away. Maybe that isn't what they are doing because they are still probably going to let me see my T through the school and maybe even my teacher, but that is how I feel so sorry if it feels like I am complaining too much for you. I was hoping we could do something more middle ground rather than COMPLETELY stopping my life until 2014.

Honey, did you really think that this cycle of cutting and suicide attempts would be easily over looked by the school? The middle ground has come and gone. They had no choice. They aren't turning you away, they are taking the good of the group into consideration and allowing you time to heal and rejoin at a time when you can handle your life better. They are a music school, that is where their expertise lies, they are not a mental health institution by trade. Now is the time to let go of what could have been and focus on gaining some control in your life, so that you can eventually go back to school and do all those things you have dreamed of. You and only you can change this pattern of SH and victimization that you have created. You are a grown woman, a young one, yet grown. Your poor choices and disfunctional coping mechanisms are what led you to this point. You are the one that got you here and it's time to take advantage of the help that is being offered and work on creating a healthier you. Better to discover and correct these issue when your young then when your 40 with a husband you don't love and a few kids you can't handle. No one can save you from you, but you. I wish you well on this journey and I hope you try to stay open to suggestions and new ways of seeing things, but first you have to take a little responsablilty for the situation that you are in. No one is saying that you don't have a right to feel the way you do, lots of people on these boards had horrible mothers and childhoods, some that you couldn't even begin to imagine... yet these people go on. I've tried hard to stay away from your threads as it breaks my heart to see you in such a pattern of victimization and self harm and it also infuraites me at the same time because no amount of typing that I do can save you. Live in the now, soak up all the support and love you can get from anyone willing to give it and LISTEN to what they have to say. Listen without a but, or I can't or not now... all those plans you have for the future will still be there after you work at getting yourself into a better place. Wishing you well. - Lola

I feel for you growli, but honestly this may be the best outcome you could have hoped for given the trajectory you were on. A few months of FT treatment, frankly, is ideal. You will maybe never have this chance again to get this intensive level of help.

2014 is right around the corner. More school will buy you more time to plan out your life. It sucks right now, but what if this is the turning point in feeling better?

Apparently they decided on taking drastic measures. It's *possible* -no way to be sure- that it was observed that you were not taking advantage of the services/help provided on the inpatient unit and it appeared that the inpatient stay alone was not going to help you *enough,* as you were not participating in your care.

On inpatient units, there is all kinds of help and ways to distract yourself: different kinds of group therapy, activities, art, talking to nurses, some units have exercise rooms, talking to your treatment team, both in rounds, and otherwise. And I'm pretty sure all units have washers and dryers and that staff doesn't do your laundry for you. Also, if you ask for clothing, if there is no one to bring something for you, I have seen units with clothing they can give to patients. If you ask.

I don't know if this unit has *all* of these services, though I do know you're in Boston, which has some of the best hospitals in the country. You're frankly lucky not to be elsewhere --I worked in NY for some time, including at public/community hospitals, and there's not much in the way of therapeutic on some of those units.

But if you don't take advantage of what they have to offer, then yes, drastic measures may be taken. I know it's extremely difficult, but I think it's understandable. If being surrounded on all sides by help you do not take advantage of this, then certainly you will need all the more help -even if it's imposed on you- outside of the hospital.

I hope it ultimately works out for the best. The way things were was clearly not working for you. Not by a long shot, and maybe you're romanticizing a bit now about how it was for you in school.

As awful as it may feel right now, I'm actually pretty astounded at the lengths these people are going to to help you. There are plenty of places, and probably *most* schools, that would not intervene like this, and just leave you to your own devices. So you won't participate in your care? So be it. We'll stuff you with meds and discharge you when it appears you won't be offing yourself, at least not today. Not the case with you; I think it's pretty impressive. As I say, I hope it ultimately works out for you. It'll be a long road.

Thread closed.