Combing T's hair.

The user name "illegal toilet" cracks me up so much. I Googled the term. Apparently it refers to toilets that don't follow water conservation guidelines.

Some Americans apparently import toilets from Canada because the water-wasting ones aren't available in the U.S.

Assuming a T has actually agreed to this. I find it doubtful.

I think is is wonderful you have the kind of relationship with your T where you are comfortable exploring your urge to do this. That said, I would agree with some of the others here that it seems to cross an intimate boundary and I'd be surprised if T actually let you do it.

Me too. Is this the same poster who wanted to marry their therapist's dog?

IT has made some weird threads and comments. A thread here about stalking you're T.

When he found out his T was pregnant he asked her if the baby was his.

OK, now you are talking about IT in ways that are taken out of context and highly hypothetical...

I truly believe IT meant it seriously. No I didn't. I think your need to comb your Ts hair should be discussed- to make it less pretty, deciding how she should wear it...
However, I wonder why any T would allow their client to comb their hair though. Fail to see how this can be beneficial for the client

No! Lol! I told my t about this thread, he thought we all were having an interesting discussion. Very open, a lot of different takes, different angles. The main question being, what does it mean for the OP - or whoever?

Right there with you pbutton. The instant I read the subject line, I felt all icky!! Of course, I have issues with touch, and hate getting my own hair done, and really hate having other people touch me or my hair and couldn't imagine touching someone else's. I had to help my Mom do her hair for a while after she had surgery, and it was very difficult for me to even do that.

And what does it mean to the therapist......

I think the reason it sounds so creepy is because of a combination of things: hair coming is such an incredibly intimate act, we're aware of IT's other threads and we can presume there is a control/sexual element involved in the desire, and the T is naive enough to be entertaining the idea of allowing IT to actually perform the act (IF we accept that IT is being genuine).

In general, I think the act of combing a T's hair is a huge boundary violation because it is far too intimate for a healthy T/client relationship. However, I think there are other instances in which the desire might come from a more infantile place and, therefore, be less creepy. For instance, it it were a young female client with maternal transference or a female client with DID and "inside kids" then it would read differently. It would be about craving nurturing or wanting to bond with a maternal figure as opposed to a desire to exercise control over a woman or engage in an intimate act that might serve as a substitute for sex. That's why, coming from an adult man who has made sexually suggestive comments (is the baby mine?) and who has expressed a desire to control T's appearance, it reads as "acting out" in a very inappropriate way. Rather than indulging IT, it seems the T should be asking probing questions about control, power, male/female relationships, etc. in order to help IT learn these kinds of things so that he has the potential to have healthy relationship IRL. If the T indulges him and says "yes, comb my hair the way you like it," and then IT thinks "women should allow me to choose their hairstyle," that is teaching IT the wrong thing. IRL, men do not have the right to choose their gf/wife's hairstyles. IT should learn that he does not have that right, and understand WHY.

Maybe it's just a fantasy of his to comb his Therapist's hair

I think this is why the thing here (at pc) is, if you can't say something supportive, don't say anything at all. And why ts practice unconditional positive regard. I'm not saying comb or don't comb - to me, that's not important. What IS important is showing the client respect and positive regard. Therapy is the place for yucky or otherwise socially unacceptable feelings to be expressed, otherwise I will express them at the wrong time in the wrong company, and end up alone. Waddya know, that's where I am now.

Also, I think this ties in with monalisa's question of how honest or congruent is your t. A t has to be able to keep a question like this open and on the table in order to explore what it means to the client, maybe without giving the client a direct yes or no answer right away. Is that being dishonest, or is that just a t doing their job?

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, blah blah. Tell a man to just accept he can't have any fish? Sounds like trouble!

Yes and i love it when she brushes my hair too. We also lacquer each others fingernails and toes with polish. I like it when she fixes my hair the same as hers. We have been doing this for at least a couple of years.

And as someone who espouses gender neutrality - as do many of the younger kids - I gotta say, sauce for the goose, sauce for the gander! Right on, my siblings!

huh?? This reply doesnt make much sense to me. But i might not be all the way awake, either.

I could t agree more! It is not for us to decide on posters intention or lack of by asking t and I think if we are having such strong reactions to this maybe we should ask ourselves why does this give you the creeps?
I don't think it is only about having his needs met it goes deeper than that, he wants to be nurtured and show some nurturing towards his t in a safe and non judgemental way. I don't think we should be discussing op and his intentions without knowing all the facts first otherwise we are jumping to conclusions and making unfair assumptions.

I sincerely hope this thread is a joke...

We must remember this is an open forum and we are human we dont mean to demean the op in anyway, but once you post here you must be open to suggestions and oppinions from others, not to say that they must be negative, in my oppinion, everyone has given thier honest oppinions as humans that we are, its not your run of the mill usual posting, it is somewhat different, not right, not wrong, just different, thats my two cents. In my oppinion I have not seen any disrespect from any poster here.

This thread doesn't give me the creeps. But a man wanting to comb a woman's hair does seem like there's sexual intentions involved. It's a safe way of trying to touch a woman that a man feels sexually attracted to.

If his T agrees to this I do wonder what her intentions are.

Also IT did start a thread once saying his best chance of getting a GF could be by getting a female T.

Another thing to take into account is a male client/female T is a slightly different dynamic. If the client is heterosexual and the female T is attractive, sexual feelings can start almost instantly for most men. Even if the female T is a b-itch, us men are more visual and many of us would still have sexual urges.

I don't think a male client should ever even hug a female T if there's sexual feelings involved, especially on the clients side. A female T knowing this and still going for a hug is being unethical.

So many of you guys are really playing into this poster's hands. My nonsense meter is through the roof. This poster has started threads about his dinosaur losing a lust for life, about bathing fish, and marrying a T's dog. I'm all about kindness, but I'm no one's fool.

Illegal Toilet, shame on you for taking advantage of the kindness and empathy of those on this forum who truly are on here to connect with and help others.

This, and the OP's responses around this, is the thing that made me wonder about the thread. Not the fantasy of the therapist and playing with her hair. People have all sorts of fantasy that can resonate or not resonate with other people, particularly around a therapist.
But the idea that as a patient, someone should be able to choose a therapist's, or anyone else's, hairstyle because one does not like the current one, is a bit of a challenge for me conceptually. Certainly it is something perfectly legitimate, in my opinion, to explore in therapy with the therapist.

Even if the OP is playing us, it's still an interesting thread.

I think I remember the dinosaur thread...

I think this thread has prompted interesting discussion and exploration of ideas, of boundaries, of varying client needs and motivations...

When something so seemingly abstract is posted, by someone with a sense of humour, you have to wonder at the sincerity of the question... but I'm not sure that anyone is being taken for a fool here, but rather running with it, with the idea - and with the thoughts that a concept like 'combing T's hair' brings up - whether it's 'it gives me the creeps' or is something of a childlike fantasy, or whatever, or how ethical it might or mightn't be, and for who and why... It's interesting to examine our own thoughts that the subject brings up, our personal reactions to it (and to the thread!)... and I'd argue that is potentially valuable...

I've enjoyed reading through it, anyway. (About Growlycat's bald T and all. )

As a T in training doesn't this make you think? How far you would be willing to flex to meet a client's needs? How far you should go, and whether there would be any exceptions? Whether a hug is more intimate than hair combing...? How you would respond to a client making such a request? Assume they were joking/shut them down/shame them/assume they are not taking therapy seriously/tell them you won't be taken for a fool...? Or maintain a curiosity and open mind about why they might ask (or why they might make such a joke)...?

I think it would creep me out. It seems like a mother-daughter thing, with her being put in the daughter role. As attached as I've been to 2 Ts and while I love T hugs, I think this would be way too close for comfort for me.