couch 63 the fall line

Hi, couchies.

kirby, which sites, specifically? Google is of course the major actor, and they usually won't remove anything from their search results. The only way is to remove your information from the actual websites that have the info. Then you can do this: https://support.google.com/webmaster..._topic=1724262

For other search engines you may have to follow different procedures. But the main thing is to have your info removed from the websites.

I had T this morning. I am a train wreck. I hate therapy. I hate flightless mammoths.

((( Mast )))

I'm sorry you're struggling right now.

Hugs to Mastodon. Can you do anything to look after yourself and be kind to yourself?

My T is taking a holiday next week, and i can't see her the week after due to my work schedule..so it looks like it'll be 3 weeks before our next session Just as i was getting some of the dark stuff out of me. Typical!

Thanks Mastedon...about the web erase.

Do you want to talk about T?

Last week my T cried about my Mom's treatment of me...how pathetic.

Hi Readtostop-
I wish I was high!

I am have been CRAVING a mushroom pizza....but in my self abusing ways, i will not eat one. WTF is wrong w/ me??

hi healing times it is perfectly ok to jump right in . anytime

I've used self denial of things I've wanted before... its a way to regain power... self control.

welcome kirby

I have T in 2 hours and just don't know what to say I feel really disconnected for some reason. I don't want to talk to her at all.i have been doing what I think is ok with talking .I hope this isn't the beginning of a long silence

Same here, but I think that I have an idea on what I'll be talking about today.

Thanks all. I don't really know what I could tell you that would be interesting for you to hear. I tried to talk to Supportive Friend just briefly this afternoon - he knocked on my office door to ask me something and took one look at my face and came in and placed himself in a chair and wouldn't budge until I'd told him what had happened. Which was kind of him, I appreciated that very much. I wasn't able to tell him much though. I did talk about how hard it is for me to talk to T, and we came up with some possible reasons for that, which was actually very good.

I'm also disappointed and upset about the fact that I think that T forgot something really important that I'd told him. He has done that before, and it makes me feel so insignificant. Maybe he didn't actually forget it, but it sure seems as if he did. I don't know whether to bring that up on Thursday or not.

I'm home now, and so is H, and I think we'll probably watch a DVD. (He notices nothing, which is how I want it.)

Good luck in T, granite and kirby. And in group T, mu_e.

RTS, I do the self denial thing. I'm not sure it works so well for me.

Except that for every time that I am really struggling and he doesn't notice, it gets more difficult to bring up the fact that I need medication....

You are more buoyant in salt water, also because of the very small amount of chemicals it is healthier and better for your skin. It doesn't burn your eyes or smell strong. And salt water is a great anti-inflammatory.

Welcome Healing Times and Kirby.

Off to the gym...
back to check in later.

(( Mast ))

I hope you do address it with T....I'm sure it could lead to a very valuable discussion that could prove to be helpful for you. (( HUGS ))

((( Granite )))

I hope you are able to find your voice in T today. I am concerned about that as well - not necessarily not being able to talk, but the idea of talking about "real issues" rather than surfacey-stuff. I have a tendency to do "real work" in therapy one session and then go many many many sessions avoiding that work.

I have visions of her getting really angry with me because I have been talking. almost to much. and now I don't know if I can I know it is so stupid but I don't even want her to make me say hi. do you know last session she gave me a lecture of the ability to say hi to people and how it is the thing people do. I DON'T and I doubt if people care very much if I say anything to them. I wonder if this is why she always insists I say hello. Nothing more but at least hello. I say hi to people here

Granite, I hope you can at least talk to her about your visions of her getting angry with you for talking. That's important!

MUEdo you have a no kill shelter near you .that might be the best option and I bet they would be adopted out quick as they are itty bitty kitties

During my last session with T, we talked about how it dawned on me that I struggle with being able to love and be angry at the same time - especially when talking about my parents. I tend to feel overcome with guilt, self-hate, etc. I guess I'm afraid that by being angry with them and seeing that the things they did were not my fault cause me to fear that I will love them less. And that, in turn, triggers the guilt and me running away from dealing with it. I need to push myself to work through this crud. Blech.

off to get some needles for my insulin pen and then off to T yikes

Yes, I do. The guy I ran into at the adoption fair at a pet store a week ago works for a no-kill shelter nearby....He gave me his card and suggested that I sign up to be a foster home for kittens. That way, I can keep these kitties and their medical care would be covered. Then, when they reach 2 lbs., they would take them - spay/neuter them - and put them up for adoption. (They are close to 2 lbs. now.)

I called the place 4x yesterday - and each time, I was disconnected by their service. So, I drove over there - and it was the low cost vaccination day at the clinic, so the place was packed. The parking lot was full. People were parking up on the road leading to the place. And people were standing outside with their pets. Then, my manager called me asking if I would be on stand-by for an assignment, so I just turned around and left. I'm planning to go there on Thursday to talk about the options.

I guess I'm having trouble with the idea of parting with the kitties....or having them come out of surgery and then being put in cages rather than into our loving arms. My heart breaks into a million pieces when I think about it.

Then, I struggle with wondering whether or not I want to keep some of them....but I really can't afford to do that....and probably wouldn't be able to decide which ones to keep. ACK.

This is the s-h-i-t I do....I become overwhelmed with all the different directions and am wishy-washy and then end up doing nothing.

Well, let me give myself some credit. I *did* try calling them yesterday and even drove there. And I'm still planning on doing that.

Back. My new gym is AMAZING. My trainer is just as AMAZING. She has a masters in PT, and we hit it off so quickly. I will work with her every other week, but she said if I need her on the off weeks I can just ask for her at the desk. We talked a lot about my mastectomy, and it was so comforting that she new all the technical words. I didn't have to explain about my abdominal muscles or my lymph nodes or anything, she just knew. She knew what muscles I have left and exactly how to work them. The pool was absolute heaven, and I just lay in it and floated for almost an hour after my workout. It's a huge pool and there were only two little old ladies in it. I found myself thinking "this would be a good place for my mom" but then I caught myself and said "no, mine, all mine, me and me alone". I have a bit of a high going right now.

I'm so happy for you Wiki... you deserve lots of AMAZING things.