couch 63 the fall line

(((Mast))) I once sent a text to xt when my 17 yr old dal died. I was really hurting badly, and we texted back and forth, and then I used poor coping skills. The following week he asked "how are you?" and I said "still really having a hard time". He said "why? what's happened?" I was so freaking hurt. How could he just forget a major thing like that. When I reminded him he apologized and of course remembered, but the damage was done.

(((Granite))) How'd it go today? Did you say hi? I think saying hello is a polite thing to do. When I say hi to people, I do expect them to say it back. But why? I don't know. Give yourself credit for all the things you DO do and stop beating yourself up for what you don't do.

MUE - When my mood is off, and I am depressed, I have a really difficult time making the simplest of decision. I get myself off in a ditch by avoiding them. XT once told me how important it was to force myself into a decision and following it thru by focusing on little ones. It really helped me a lot.

So in the notion of keeping score....

YT - 1, RTS - 0

I decided to tell me H about how upset I was over him leaving without me on Sunday. H said he knew it... but didn't realize it was hurtful till he was on his way. I asked him if he will use the information against me .... H told me he wouldn't do that.
I told him about YT saying H could use the info to love me better... H said he would...
I will reserve my judgement as to whether it was a good thing later... it felt good at the time.

Then this morning he said something that I've told him before I don't like and it makes me doubt his sincerity... and when I reminded him how I felt about it he got mad and frustrated... slammed his hand on the counter... cursed... this just the night after me telling him about YT talking about PTSD and my reaction to anger and violence...

Its like 2 steps forward 3 steps back... and its all feels so painful (although the whole angry frustrated outburst amazingly didn't upset me as I could see it was all his issues)...

((((((Granite))))) hope it went well/goes well. I can bet she's not gonna get angry. The whole saying hi to people is based on opinion.

((((Wiki))) enjoy the high. Good for you!!

((((Mast)))))) hugs.

Can I rant?!? My H got a call back on one of the jobs that I sent his resume to and he didn't call back. He is working but he could have used the bathroom or something and called back!!!!!! Eeeeerrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh

(((((((RTS))))))))) I'm unclear...so you told him again that you don't like what he said and then he got angry and slammed or did he realize he did it then got angry?

I updated my post, yes I reminded him that I don't like that and it makes me doubt his sincerity... and then he got angry...

I see you MKAC...

That's good though Ready that you recognized it was H's issue and not internalize it. That's a step forward for you. Hugs

Can I ask Stopdog, how much do you smile?

That's awful!

I'm still trying to settle down and work after T. I am sorry things are not going better with H, Ready. It does seem like he is making a little progress though.

I thought of stuff with my H as if I were training a horse. Progress in training is never linear. There's progress, and regression, and while learning one skill, the horse will sometimes "forget" a skill you thought they already had acquired. It helped me to be less impatient and scornful with him. I tried to give him the same latitude I would give an abused animal because I realized that growing up with a very abusive older brother and with his mother neglecting his emotional needs had resulted in some scarring. If he were an animal I was trying to re-train, I would take that into account. Not sure if that will help you at all, or not. It is INSANELY frustrating just to read, let alone to have to live through.

YT pointed out something very insightful... I had full blown PTSD reaction the one time my H said he wanted to talk to me and wanted me to come upstairs and he sounded very angry and serious and I didn't know what he wanted to talk about....

yet I have no problem if I cause H to be angry ...

difference... I know what H is angry about... YT said see there is that control freak again...having no control of the situation.

therapy just sucks. sorry if I told anyone different

I'm sorry, granite. Was it a bad session?

[CHALLENGE WARNING]

I think this reveals quite a lot about your attitude to your husband. Would it be fair to say that you expect to be boss?

Had a good session with my Therapist we talked a lot about the Peer issue (which I discussed in great detail in the Peer Thread that I started last week), and also about how I might behave at my Sister's upcoming wedding if I end up going (I still haven't decided if I will be able to go or not).

And then there are those times when your nervous system and your body can react but your mind doesn't. Like you can be very clear about the situation in your head and it's just your body nervous system reacting.

(((Granite)))) Wanna talk about it?

I will think about this more, but my initial response is a "No, but ..." LOL.

My point in trying to think of things with my H in a different way was to try to get to a different mindset. One where he was not pushing my buttons on purpose. One where he was another being deserving of empathy and some grace for his errors because he was acting and reacting as he was for a reason and not just to hurt me on purpose.

I do not walk into a relationship with an abused animal expecting to be the boss. I walk in trying to establish a relationship of trust. I do not assume that I am never going to be hurt, but I also do not assume that the animal is hurting me just to be malicious. I have been bitten and kicked and bucked off by abused horses. I never blame the horse or assume it is a "bad" horse. I give it time and space and allow for the fact that I am going to be hurt out of the horse's fear and defensiveness.

I don't know if this is making sense at all or not. I am probably too fuzzy to try to discuss this right now. It might be one more thing I should just keep to myself on PC. Sorry if I offended anyone.

I smile in adequate amount, I would think.

I smile endlessly...but no one asked me. I have a nervous smile, so my face just naturally ends up in that position.

FWIW - MKAC, I in no way saw that Horse Training analogy to mean you were the boss. We all teach our significant others on a regular basis. Your h is teaching you what helps him and what hurts him. You are teaching him the same. The fact that you see his faults with the same compassion that you see your horses is amazing. That speaks volumes of how much you love and care for him.

MKAC... I knew exactly what you meant by your anology

((((((((((GRANITE))))))))))))
sorry T was so hard.
Hope you find some good peace tonight somehow.

I have been asked if I am or was in the military because sometimes people cannot read me.

Hi guys sorry everyone's having relationship troubles. I just want to vent right now. I see a new Pdoc for a one off med review in 4 days I really really really want to go back on antidepressants but but my GP was nervous as the hospital registrars said no! I really really really really really don't want to go back on anti-psychotics as they interfer with the way legs function and I become almost immobile or trip over. I am willing to suffer the voices and the spiders and the people spying on me (all within my own head I know) but I find the depression intolerable. Shoul I tell this guy I took myself of anit-psychotics for this reason or maybe not bring it up an see what he says. My T was trying to drop hints about this gy last time I went but as usual I'm a bit thick and i think I missed them.

That makes no sense whatsoever! People are sometimes just....I want to insert a meaningless Bertie Wooster phrase in here but can't think of an appropriate one. I'm sure you will SD.