couch 63 the fall line

Example:
Sometimes H curses about dog hair in his chair. I feel like he is cursing at me, because I am the cleaner and I must not have done a good job. So when he says "damn this freakin dog hair" I hear "damn wiki, why didn't you clean my chair better". It makes me cringe and feel horrible. I told him and he said "that's not what I am thinking at all when I say that". I still cringe and feel horrible when he says it, but that's MY stuff not his. I need to talk myself thru it, because he is really not doing it TO me. He hates the dog hair, not me. There is nothing wrong with him complaining about it.

I think this may be a hot button issue for me because I often have to talk to my sister about it. She seems to think that if our mother "really loved her", she'd XXXXXXXX or stop doing YYYYY. My mother is so anxious and incapacitated that she's just not in a place where she can do the things my sister would like her to do. She loves her children but that love does not present itself in the way that my sister is seeking. (Frankly, the mother's love we get annoys the holy hell out of me as well, but that's a different discussion.)

How did you respond?

Here's the thing though, I get anxious about stuff too, but I decide there is something more important than my anxiety (like love and care for someone else), so I suck it up and do what needs to be done. Even with the depression, I would be lying in bed absolutely miserable and feeling like I just wanted to die in the most painful way possible. When my kids needs things, I got my *** out of bed and I did it. I smiled at them and took them to parks and parties and played games with them. Because I loved them enough to know that if I kept acting super depressed it would make them feel badly. If my kids said, 'mommy, when you do X, I feel sad or like you don't love me,' I would stop ****ing doing X.

When my husband talked about how badly he felt when I criticized him about certain things, and how depressed he got, I stopped criticizing him about those things. I still didn't and don't like those things, but I also don't want to cause him pain on a level that is disproportionate with my irritation level about those things.

ETA: my T has said that I cannot expect others to be able to face fear or any other emotion the way I do (and the way I've seen pbutton and others on here facing their fears). I still believe that there are people who CHOOSE to prioritize their fears or sadness over their loved ones and for me, when I am on the receiving end of that, I do interpret that as my husband not really loving me. He chooses to give in to his anxieties, so he has stronger anxiety than he has love for me. Not sure that this is making any sense to anyone except me.

Right, you're able to do that. That's awesome.

The thing about it is, you are way stronger than most people. I don't understand how someone could get so paralyzed with fear that they do not stand up for their kid. I don't get it at all and it pisses me the F off when I hear about it. But not everyone has been thru the horrific stuff you and I have been thru. To us, there is nothing that can happen that is worse than that...we've already seen hell and lived to tell about it. I could step in front of a moving train if I absolutely had to. Others (like my H and probably yours) have not faced fear that big in their life.

To me it is a big deal for someone to realize I am usually not acting or doing anything because of them. I try not to actively cause pain, but sometimes what I do (example - riding motorcycle which partner hates) is just not about her. If I get hurt, I don't ask her to take care of me (I am terrible at being taken care of) that is not at her either. So for me I have to accept she might want to take care of me, but she has to accept I don't want it. Not because of her, but because of me. She is not being rejected. and I don't want to be taken care of - those are very different to me.
Most of my decisions about what I do alone are not about my partner or family or anyone else. If it is a couply sort of thing, then it is about her, or if it is around her specifically. But a great many things are not. I frankly don't understand it when she sometimes ask if I care or like if she does or when she does X - my response is that it has nothing to do with me. She has told me that hurts her feelings when I don't see how I would care about some things- but the fact her feelings are hurt does not make me think I am wrong in my response if she wants an honest response.

It's going to be hard to watch Glee tonight since it is the episode where Cory Monteith's character (Finn) dies.

I think there is definitely a continuum going on here. There are various extremes. The stupid little H story I told on one end, and laying in bed ignoring your family on the other.

Hey RT...I've never watched that show, but I've heard about this episode.

H and I have been watching (in marathon style) the Breaking Bad series. Wow. Love it.

I can't even figure if my "how do you interpret those 2 phrases question" caused all of that...

sorry I think I should have put a trigger warning on that...

I have been catching up on all my series today .I have not even got out of my jammies. it is called slipper time for me

Hey people. I've been horribly bad at reading back lately, and quite frankly I have to stay away from relationship discussions because they make me spiral down. I'm sorry not to be of any use to man or beast.

I hope my couchies are doing well. I had a very good therapy session this morning. T told me some brutal truths, but they were surprisingly okay to hear. Not fun, but okay. You know? He also said some very validating and rather healing things. It feels as if I moved forward today. Not a bad feeling.

Hugs to all except some, who get polite handshakes. You know who you are.

Ready, please don't be sorry! I am sorry if my tangent off your post bothered you. I think it was a productive discussion for me and gave me more to think about. For me, sometimes, talking about the hot button issues lets a bit of steam escape and it doesn't feel so hot and upsetting. But I am sorry if I upset you.

SO....
I am BIG as a HOUSE.
I love swim class.
My cardiologist just told me I cannot do any cardio.
grrrrrr.
This doesn't mean I am benched. I can still swim, I just have to keep my heart rate below 120.
Can you still loose weight without cardio?

I am told weight lifting will work to help you lose weight.

and have I mentioned that
I HATE PREDNISONE????

Ready...sorry if I got lost too. I just hate when my mother blames me for her "feelings". She is always "well, I thought you were mad at me because you stayed in bed an extra 5 min" or "I could tell you were upset because you shut the refrigerator door kind of hard"
So I am a bit triggerish about being responsible for other's happiness.

sorry i am totally out of control today my teherapy is a mess and i've decided to become a mess to match.

Want to talk about it, pbutton?

hmmm. I use dumbells in the water.
(no I'm not talking about my classmates)

They are big foam dumbells, and I use them for resistance.

(((pbutton)))
vent if you need to.
Sorry you don't have an appt.

I want a big wet sweaty hug. Can I have that?

*made stopdog gag*

*pounce*
*wrap*
*squeeeze*



And now goodnight.

Hi Sneezyyy!

I have session with xT tonight. Its at 9pm. I'm guessing his 7:30 has cancelled cause he texted to see if I wanted to switch times to 7:30 tonight. . Well I have an obligation till 7:30 so it won't work out. I texted back I can't do 7:30 but if your 8:15 can do 7:30 I can do 8:15...let me know...

but truthfully I can't help it.... I feel like he doesn't want to stay late to see me... It took everything out of me to not text... if you just want to cancel tonight that is okay with me .... but I didn't do it.... I just vomitted instead...