couch 63 the fall line

(that's for wiki's news, in case it wasn't obvious )

So... I'm not sure what I want with the post I'm about to write. (Or if I'll even post it.)
I have mentioned more than several times that I don't tell H how I feel. He doesn't know I'm seeing a T. He knew when I was seeing exT, and even though he never mentioned it in any way at all, I was always feeling stressed out that he might be wondering what I was talking about with her, or whether it was worth all the money it cost. And I do not want him to know how badly I'm doing, have been doing for years.

If I were to tell him how I feel, he would inform me how I'm actually feeling. Not because he is a bad guy, it's just how he is. I live with that, when it comes to most things, but I avoid talking about things that concern myself because I find it more and more difficult to deal with him telling me my own business.

I know this is inappropriate. I'm supposed to share everything with my husband, or not everything, but the important things. It's part of what a marriage is supposed to be about. Openness.

Of course, if I were to tell him now that I've been seeing a T for over a year, twice a week, he would be furious with me, and for good reason. The thought of telling him that, now, makes me break out in a cold sweat. It's not going to happen.

Anyway, I have resisted medications because I don't want to hide that from H. It would just be complicated, and if he were to discover it, things would be really unpleasant. But I also am at the point where I really do need meds. T was pretty insistent about that today. And so I used the fact that H knows that I've been sleeping badly, and phoned him when I came from T. "I've seen a doctor about my sleeping problems. He referred me to a psychiatrist, who prescribed psychopharmaca for me." (T chose this medication for me partly because it helps people sleep better, when that is a problem.) H replied "OK. We can talk about it when we get home tonight."

So now we're home, and we talked. It took all of three minutes. H took the medication, read the usage instructions, agreed that it is a good idea to start taking it after the weekend, Googled for side effects and whether I need to avoid alcohol, and handed the box back to me.

I've seen a psychiatrist who prescribed antidepressant, antianxiety medication for me. Why does my husband not even want to know? And why do I care, since I don't want him to know anyway? And does this mean that he wouldn't be furious, just uninterested, if I were to tell him about seeing T? That would still be unpleasant. And it would be unpleasant if he were interested. The poor guy can't win.

That sounds like a tshirt saying!

Mast: well, I'm probably weird, but even as much as what your h did would seem intrusive to me. It's MY medication, and HIM googling it would make me feel intellectually inferior. Probably why I'm single. Maybe my brother is right, I am very competitive? Sorry, I'm probably not much help. I think I'm like stopdog junior in this regard.

I would wear that!

Wikid - I am glad to hear the news was good.

Oh, thank you. I thought I was a horrible horrible person for feeling patronised by his googling it. (Of course, being who I am, I had googled it thoroughly already.)

Yeah. What Hankster said.

hmmmmm.

I think having H google for the alcohol would have teed me off just a wee bit. I would appreciate his interest in side effects and so forth though. I do think 3 min is a bit shallow. Sorry Mast. Please remember, every marriage is different, and there really is no SHOULD.

Thanks for all the dancing chili's.
I hit the gym hard again, then swam hard.

?????

Mast - I hope the meds go well for you.

You're like the Statue of Liberty or somethin. Plus you're operating again today

I was very glad to see other ladies (!) didn't think I was out of line. Thanks.

Hey. Who you callin' a Lady??

Good night all. I leave you with this piece of news from a major daily paper: a man in a small Swedish town was woken up by a woman slapping him repeatedly in the face with a mackerel.
I hope that will not happen to you.

Awesome news Wiki! Mast I hope the meds make things better and I'm not even sure what to say about H's reaction... maybe you should hit HIM with a mackerel? Hank, Stop, Granite, Healed, RTS, MUE, Jersey, BP, RT, Sconnie, CE, Ike, Pbutton, Critter, Kare, Trdl, Artemis, Growly, JaneC and everyone else I have forgotten and those who never post but read...... wishing you all a great evening or day or sleep! Viva La Couch, I'm gonna take a shower in my OWN shower and rest in my OWN bed. W is on her way to my place to celebrate 14 years of marital bliss, I hope my wallet can take it ...next week Canada

Lol! I think my t wouldn't mind too much, if it meant he was waking up in Sweden!

YT (young T) asked me to do a couple of self assessments from the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. Anyone else have to do something like this in T? Am I the only person who finds these things confusing? Sometimes I swear they are trying to trick you. One asks questions if these apply to you...but they refer to panic attacks and not to anxiety. So since I don't have panic attacks does the whole section just remain blank? Ughh... I hate these things...

I must say some ancient Swedish courtship rituals amuse me.

YAY!! To wiki on the good news.

Commiserations to all with dental problems. I'd rather go anywhere else than the dentist.

I didn't think you were out of line. I don't understand if well enough to decide. I think your new name should be the sphynx.

"Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command" ?

Me too, BPA!

Hello all

Wiki, that is awesome. So pleased for you

Mast, I'm glad you were able to talk to your H about the meds. Shame his response wasn't more caring.

RTS, don't sweat the assignments. Just do what you can. I would ignore the panic attack section if you don't get them.

Granite - love your kitties and what a great pic!

Lola, glad you are home, congrats on the 14 years.

Jersey, hey, hope your morning was productive.

I am sick. Have the kind of cold that lodges in your throat and chest. Before that I had an upset stomach, and now I have (sorry tmi) a yeast infection as well. My whole body has gone into some kind of rebellion.

Thanks for keeping me company. Going to sleep now. Night all.

Wth hell is normal and how do I get there ?

Like any of us knows??

I think it is in Illinois.

Second star to the right and straight on till morning. Or not. Let me know if you ever find it.

Wiki... Great news. Couldn't be more happy for you. Truly.

Mast...I'm sorry about your H's reaction. I would have been pissed off if my H did that. However, my H knows better. I wear the pants.