If I Had T Today, I would have....What?

I would have wanted to talk about why I view everything everyone says negatively. Why I'm back to not knowing if I trust t or not. & Tell her my mood has shifted & now I'm starting to think that if I get through these four missed appointments, then maybe I could take a longer break.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

Did you make any progress with this?

I hope you are able to get these resolved. They sound like very pressing issues, and you deserve to reach out and help yourself during this struggle. I hope all goes well for you but please keep us updated! *hugs*

If I had T today I would have cancelled. As badly as I know I need T, the pain from this past week I've finally made peace with, and having to discuss that would make me vomit.

I see her next Thursday. Already thinking about canceling.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If I'd had a session today, I would have been feeling really guilty and embarassed because he'd sent a quick email from the email I'd sent yesterday - we'd been joking around a bit, and his response this morning made me think I'd upset him. So I sent an apology and nearly started bawling. So.... I wouldn't have wanted to see him.

But then I got home from work and saw that he'd sent another one where he said he knew it was a joke and to not be sorry - and then I did start crying. haha.

I also would have probably been squeaking. I'm losing my voice and it takes a lot of effort to talk.

I would have told her how vulnerable and hurting I was feeling now tomorrow when I see her I probably won't tell her

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

I made it through the four missed appointments but I've decided not to take a break from therapy. I need it!!! Sometimes when I'm upset with myself (usually for feelings I don't want to feel) I fancy punishing myself by taking away my T. Although I sometimes flip flop for irrational reasons, at the moment I trust my T completely. That's not to say I believe everything she says, but I do believe that she is committed to my therapeutic process. Today anyway! as for my always jumping to the worst conclusion. I did it again this last weekend. It was very painful and I gave into SIB impulses. I've decided that getting those feelings under control is one of my top priories because I don't want to have another weekend like the last. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If I had T today I would have wanted to talk about why I cut over the weekend. We talked about it yesterday but only about the feelings themselves. I didn't tell her why I felt the way I did because 1) they involve her and 2) it's really embarrassing that something so little can affect me so deeply. It's kinda pathetic that I feel so sorry for myself when I start feeling rejected. It's also horrid that I keep jumping to that conclusion with very little provocation in between our sessions. I would have liked to talk about all these things, but I probably wouldn't have

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I had T today but I'm still in physical pain which made it hard to use the session very effectively.

I'm sorry you had a difficult time focusing today growlycat. I have sessions like that too. They make me miss my T even more in between sessions, like I didn't have a session at all.
I hope you get out of pain really soon and I hope your next session is more productive and makes you feel better!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So kind!! Thank you!!! Sometimes the physical pain is much easier to tolerate than emotional pain.

For me, the physical pain is always easier to bare then the emotional. I have never found a consistent, healthy and effective "pain killer" for my emotional pain.
Dealing with that is hard work isn't it. It's much worse though when you have to deal with both at the same time...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If I had T appt today, I would tell her that the ED is getting out of hand and the issues with my mother is making things worse.

If I had T today,I would tell her that I feel like she doesn't believe me about the recent trauma and that I don't feel I need to see her to be a bother about my ED. I would also tell her how I feel I'm not very trusting of her right now and that I'm sick of coming to T.

Actually I'd probably cancel and just not go or I'd go and not say a word

I would tell her how weird and uncomfortable it is to be writing to her again. I'd shy away from anything that is in that note and talk about how my family is coming at the beginning of December. but thanksgiving is going to be hard but everyone coming accepts I have an ED.

If I had T today, she'd be happy to see how much better I feel & i'd take this time to let her know just how thankful I am to have her in my life. =]

If I saw my T today I'd tell him I can't promise that I won't take any pills tonight. :-(

I'm really glad that everyone is posting on my thread. I love it. I started this thread when my T was away and I had to miss 4 sessions. In glad that everyone like it.
It is a comforting thought to think about what a session on any given day would be like.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If I had therapy today, I would tell my T that my J has come home for Thanksgiving. I'm really worried that I'm going to run into him. Im also anxious that I won't... I'll email her tomorrow about him.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm about to head off to a thanksgiving invite where I only know 1 person. I have this odd fantasy/fear that I will run into CBT T and his wife somehow. Not likely but a nagging thought.

Either way, Good Luck!!!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I would've had therapy today, if not for the holiday, so find it fitting to write through what I might've talked about....if I had t today, I would've probably told him how I'm still mad at him a bit and how I feel our relationship has been impacted. That I'm waiting for the 'real' T to come back out once he's able to regain my trust. I feel like he's waiting until he's sure I'm attached to him enough so he can let me have it. That I'm very conflicted about continuing with t. It will hurt like hell to give up, but I think it will hurt way more to have it end later on. Like pulling off a bandaid....

Yet, part of me wonders if I'm creating a scenario where T has to almost beg me to stay. And he said he would not keep me from leaving but it's my choice and he respects that Which makes so much sense logically, but my emotional self wants him to....idk! Do something! Ok - I fully realize I'm recreating some dysfunctional pattern prob set early on in my life, but I think I need to explore that with my T. Not because I truly want to leave t necessarily, but because the feelings are getting stronger and I really want to understand why.