[Raging Quiet]

Hi there,

As a few of you know my T is really rubbish with boundaries; going over time, giving me gifts, shouting and banging a wall in frustration, not referring me even though she has no experience in my issues, offering to give me free sessions, giving my advice regarding my infertility which upset me greatly, going on holiday and not telling me, seeing my best friend at the same time (which is against the code of ethics in the UK) etc etc.

Well, last week I finally worked up the courage to tell her I would be terminating in 2 weeks (I told her at the beginning of the session) she tried to tell me at first that it wouldn't be a good time to leave, but I quietly repeated that it was time for me to go and that I would be leaving in 2 weeks after about 3 years on this stint with her. She didn't speak about terminating after I mentioned it, she said it had come to a natural end then we didn't speak further about it. It's almost like she doesn't believe I've leaving.

The thing is, I feel so split.

I know leaving is better in the long run, because I get incredibly anxious before a session and now it's winter I find it hard getting back in the dark as I don't drive. She tells me what I should or should not be doing e.g. 'You should just adopt' even though I'm due to start IVF soon, she isn't supportive and it doesn't feel like therapy. I feel like I just pay her bills and we go through the motions.

However, I will miss her as she's been a constant in my week for so long.
I will miss the support.

There isn't any one else I can afford or who does evening sessions. My T knows my mental health is poor as (like a lot of you) I'm dealing with quite a lot of difficult things. Part of me thinks that she didn't really care to be honest, I have not gotten any better after all these years.

I just feel so sad and really scared. It was me who raised leaving as I know being attached to this sort of therapy isn't good, but I feel so lonely.

How can I deal with this post termination stage on top of everything else?!

RQ...

Is there any social workers or support groups at your fertility center that you could meet with or join? Then at least you would have support during the IVF process?

I stopped therapy with a T before when I didn't feel finished just that I had got as far as I could with this T.... It is hard to leave them but it gets easier as time goes on... is there no one who does sliding scale? do you work during the day?

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

RQ...

Is there any social workers or support groups at your fertility center that you could meet with or join? Then at least you would have support during the IVF process?

There is - however it falls on the same evening as an evening course I'm doing, which my work place has paid for me to attend for a year which i can't leave to attend, plus the hospital is a train and bus ride away (I'm under 30 and need to pay for my IVF treatment privately and be an egg donor to decrease the expense). There are no local groups that i can see. But that's a good idea and I will continue to look. Thank you

RQ... do you have anyone in your life who knows about the infertility and the ED? Sometimes even if its not someone close by ... maybe even an aunt, cousin or sister who would email... somebody that you can use for accountability... or for moral support... even though it wouldn't be "therapy"...

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

RQ... do you have anyone in your life who knows about the infertility and the ED? Sometimes even if its not someone close by ... maybe even an aunt, cousin or sister who would email... somebody that you can use for accountability... or for moral support... even though it wouldn't be "therapy"...

Nope.

My husband isn't coping well.

I did confide in my manager, but she goes on maternity leave next week.

Thank you for your post though, you are very kind. x

[Nightlight]

Are you sure there isn't anyone else you could see for support? It sounds like you need the support in person. Maybe if you talked to the people at the IVF clinic they could help to arrange something or refer you somewhere that you could afford? I used to work in a job where I dealt with a lot of people going through IVF. There were so many people that were bravely struggling with the whole process. I know that I'd find it incredibly difficult as well.

But, it's not right to keep getting that support from someone who is also harming you. Therapy is not supposed to be like that.

So no great advice from me, but I sort of understand how tough it is to move on from a therapist before you're ready. My therapist started getting really angry with me last year. Some of the things she said hurt me very deeply and they came as quite shock because I'd worked with her for three and a half years before then, and she'd always been pretty perfect. I felt so lucky. I was one of the lucky ones because my therapist was so right for me. She is the first and only person I recall feeling attached to. I've lost the source of funding that helps me to pay for my sessions. My therapist doesn't seem willing to help me fight to maintain the funding. She suggested winding down. Anyway, not my idea of fun. I've had the constant support for nearly five years, and suddenly I might have nothing. My therapist lowered the cost of my sessions for me, and now my only option would be low cost counselling for 6 sessions.

It will be hard, but I do think you can do it. Is talking to your husband definitely not an option? I know that sometimes even when I'm struggling with something enormously, I can still talk and take comfort from someone else, even if they are struggling just as much.

[wotchermuggle]

I feel for you. You are contemplating giving up your T, going through fertility treatments, and your husband isn't coping well, on top of your own emotional needs?

I have no idea how it would be even conceivable that you would be able to cope.

I would really stress that you find another T that you can afford before you terminate. You are in quite a spot, and I worry for you bring on your own.

Don't leave yourself without support.

Can your GP help you with a referral? Depending where you are, local psych hospitals offer free counselling. Maybe if you tell us a general location, we could better help you search or help. If you feel comfortable. I would be willing to help you look online to help. Just PM me.

[Raging Quiet]

Thank you for your replies.

I just don't know what to do.

[blur]

RQ, you are doing great. I found my current T by calling a local church I like. Maybe something like that or even a 12-step group or support group would work. Ugh typing on my phone isn't working well but lots of hugs to you.