Did I wreck my relationship with T?

I can see it happening so easily that I would accept my fears as truth, so I will definitely have to talk about it with her. Thanks, Favorite Jeans.

Thank you for sharing more about psychoanalytic theory. My T has a client-centered/humanistic approach. I can see what you're saying about how the neutrality lets the client feel safe to express his/herself. Now that my T has expressed frustration, I know it's always going to be at the back of my mind and I will be worried about whether I'm doing well enough or not. I'm also going to be afraid to tell her that I'm worried about opening up about something. I can foresee it causing problems in the future... I'm still glad she said something though.

I wasn't able to put it into words, but I honestly think you may be right that she could have unconsciously tried to make me responsible for her feelings. It's impossible to know for sure, but she had a very different tone from usual. I felt like I was a kid being chastised, though it could have been me projecting my feelings. She just seemed like she didn't believe in me anymore, when she always has. Before she has always been so patient, so accepting, and careful about not pushing too hard. Hmm, I will have to consider this carefully.

I'm sorry to hear about your T that tried to guilt/shame you. I don't think that this is a pattern with my T. It's probably just me projecting my feelings, but definitely something to talk more about next week. Thanks for your input!

T relationships are tough. They are not like other relationships.
I often think that some Ts cling too hard to the rules.

You seem to have a healthy attitude about the situation. I'm seeing many positives here. You have a lot of courage to be able to think through this, and face your fears.

These feelings say a lot. This is related to what I said earlier about healthy attachment and sense of self. Feeling like you need to change yourself to appease others. I understand these feelings having grown up in an atmosphere of extreme codependency and enmeshment. My mother blamed her children for her problems and victimized herself, so we were always responsible for how she was at any given time. She was also very demanding and had to control the environment, even looking through our stuff, diaries and everything. If we were 'bad' at the store, it was our fault her day or weekend was ruined. She had no boundaries.

I wonder if you had to grow up in an enmeshed environment too? Maybe you would want to talk to T about feeling the need to change to be accepted?

I see your strengths and it seems you have a good alliance with T, so I was thinking that maybe this could be a rupture that leads to a stronger bond? Sometimes these ruptures can be a catalyst for positive change. Please let us know how it goes.

CantExplain- Agreed, therapy relationships are tough. I feel like I'm still learning how to come to terms with it.

Autumn Skies-I'm sorry to hear about the environment that you grew up in. I can see how this would cause the need to change for others. I did not have an enmeshing environment, though I did grow up with a father that was not accepting, and often shamed me. So I'm sure this has influenced it. Thank you, I hope you're right and that it will lead to positive change. I'll keep everyone updated!