[JonB]

Just wondering what everyone's experience is with how much direction you receive in a session. Does your T usually ask questions or do you just go in and talk about whatever? I never seem to be able to come up with anything to talk about and my T says he won't tell me what to do. I tried making a list of things to bring up, but when the time rolls around the things either seem unimportant or we end up talking about the weather. I told him I felt like I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing and all he said was that he agreed that I didn't seem to know what I was supposed to be doing. Do you all have a specific goal for therapy or do you just go and hope to feel better?

[(JD)]

Good question to ask! Your T seems typical in his approach, as it is you who must direct the T in the direction you wish to begin.

I think your making of a list is a good thing, why not go ahead and try to discuss those things anyway, perhaps the reason you put them there will rear it's head while in session. The T will at least see some of the issues you are dealing with in your life, even if you don't fully discuss them. Plus, bringing up one thing on the list might lead to an important issue that you didn't write down.

If you really want more direction from your T, you might have to actually ask for it and help the T guide you that way. Many Ts are not used to directing the session, but guiding.

It takes talking to the T about anything sometimes for the T to see if you have "cognitive distortions" or if you are viewing your life and responding accurately.

IMO it wouldn't do you or the T any good for the T to assume for example, that you aren't assessing some part of your life correctly, when your real issue is your aging mother.

Keep at it, you'll figure it out

Direction? whats that?! LOL

Seriously sometimes my therapist LL doesn't get a chance to sit down before I open my back pack and say "I brought this in today" and she sits down and says great and we are off and talknig about whatever itis I brought in, or dropped of to her.

Other sessions she and I sit down and she says "so hi how are you?" and Im off and babbling about everything that went on in the past two weeks and what I have done on this project or that one.

and still other sessions I sit down and have no idea what to say so she will ask some questions and eventually we end up on a topic that lasts the whole session.

Some days we cover many topics.

Some days we plan the next sessions ahead of time like for instance when we used and did a sand tray activity, when we do relaxation visualizations during sessions and like our next session we plan on leaving the office.

Therapists aren't supposed to tell the clients what they need to talk about and work on. A client enters therapy already knowing they have a problem. Because of state laws and mental health guidelines therapists cant tell a client what they need to talk about. They can ask if the client wants to talk about a topic but they cants say ok today we are going to talk about.... and make that client talk about that topic. Its up to the client to work on that problem in therapy or not. the cleitn is the one paying in some way for the sessions and the client is the one with the problem that they have chosen to enter therapy for so it is the clients decission of what to do in therapy.

Kind of like going to a restraunt you are the consumer. the waitress doesnt come over and say you are going to have the fish and tea. they say what would you like to have today? and you the consumer has to decide what you want to eat and pay for.

therapy is the same way you are buying a service and must decide what and how you want to get for your money. In this case you can get 50 minutes of silence or 50 minutes of talking about the weather or 50 minutes talking about your problems and then deciding what you want to do about those problems.

Yes I have many goals and plans that I have chosen for myself -

memory recall work
depression management work
relaxation visualizations (otherwise known as hypnotic techniques, hypnosis)
grounding techniques
research on my problems
art therapy
awareness therapy
journaling,

just to name a few of what I am presently working on.

[Perna]

Jon, I was frustrated like you until the day when, at the end of the session, I had the feeling like we'd "missed" what we were supposed to be talking about and I said that and my T thought a minute then agreed. Suddenly I realized that how the session went was not about what she did or said but about what I did/said and I was "in charge," she was just along for the ride, to listen to what I had to say and be there for me, etc. I was supposed to be the driver, like in dreams where you dream about cars and the car represents how you live your life so if you're in the back seat or a passenger, that's not good :-)

If you talk about and experience your feelings, things go a lot better. Do you keep a journal/blog or otherwise think about your therapy session the rest of the week? That got to be helpful to me, things that this week's session stirred up I could then discuss the next time and that would create a new synthesis which I'd think about and discuss the time after that, etc. The "trick" is to end up talking about what comes up, what you feel, as you feel it right there in the session. I finally got there after 8 or 9 years :-) Then you realize you're working independently on things in your life as they come up and those things become the conversation with your T.

Think of why you go to your T, how "vague" that is and work on understanding and making it more specific. Do, in your real life, some one thing that might help you make the vague more specific and then you can talk about that "experiment" and how it went and troubles you had with it and why you chose that thing to try, etc. If you're afraid to get angry, put yourself in a position where you'll get angry and see what happens, goes wrong, how it feels, etc. If you're afraid, do something scary.

Treat what you do as an experiment and look at it with the eye of a researcher and you get all sorts of interesting thoughts and feelings, things opening up (and that excitement and experience are wonderful for discussing with your T). If you have trouble talking to your T, are afraid, take a risk there. Look at when you're making a choice (to tell him something or talk about something else instead) and choose the harder one.

Get a relationship going between you and your T so it's a third thing in the room during your session. When you laugh together or he compliments you or hurts your feelings, discuss and remember it and at some point you'll be able to go "there" and look back at yourself and what you're thinking and doing as if you were another person (like here when you hear someone else's problem/story and respond). At some point you'll realize you have a relationship with yourself too and that you've become your own friend and can be yourself with yourself and get help that way.

[jennie]

Yep, my counselor does the same thing.

I guess as my perception of my issues change, the easier it is for me to be open with her. I don't think therapy should be a dumping ground for all my issues, so I only try to work on a few of my issues.

Timing is important. The idea "when you are ready to talk about it, you will" is so true.

[eskielover]

The psychologist I have had for the last 8+ years lets me do the talking & asks very few questions, giving a few comments on what I say.

Last year when I was in the medical hospital for 2 months, my GP called in the hospital's psychologist for 6 days a week(the hospital doesn't have a psych ward). I had just gone through a trauma & my Mother was dying & died of cancer while I was in there. I was having anorexia problems & had to have a central line & IV nutrition. The psychologist from the hospital asked questions & was trying to pull out everything he possibly could.

Experiencing the 2 different types of therapy methods let me realize that being asked questions was something I actually worked best with. It seemed like by asking a question, it let me think of all kinds of things that I wanted to say.

I think that the hospital's psychologist used that technique because people usually aren't in the hospital for that long & treatment is needed more immediately than outside the hospital. It was strange because I never feel comfortable with people that quickly, but there was something about his method that made me feel safe talking to him without getting to know him like my other psychologist.

I think that each psychologist has their own methods they have found that works for them....guess that is why we have to find the psychologists that work for us....depending on our own needs.
Debbie

[JonB]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I'm a newbie when it comes to therapy (well, once, a long time ago when I was in college...) so I wasn't sure what to expect. I see now that there are many different ways to go about it. You guys have some really good ideas on how to get more out of this therapy stuff and I'm going to start trying them out this week. Thanks all.

[Sarah116]

When I go to see my Psychologist she is pretty careless about what we talk about and likes to joke. She is a sweetheart and very caring! Sometimes we end up just doing fun stuff or talking about computers, ideas, art or some sort of science topic.
When I go to see the Psychiatrist it is much different and he likes to get to the point maybe asking me about the weather or an object in the room to get me to talk or start talking. Yet psychologist is pretty laid back and changes her mind often getting things wrong while Psychiatrist can make accurate deductions and conclusions. Just if I would talk!

[Sarah116]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
myself said:
Direction? whats that?! LOL

Seriously sometimes my therapist LL doesn't get a chance to sit down before I open my back pack and say "I brought this in today" and she sits down and says great and we are off and talknig about whatever itis I brought in, or dropped of to her.

Other sessions she and I sit down and she says "so hi how are you?" and Im off and babbling about everything that went on in the past two weeks and what I have done on this project or that one.

and still other sessions I sit down and have no idea what to say so she will ask some questions and eventually we end up on a topic that lasts the whole session.

Some days we cover many topics.

Some days we plan the next sessions ahead of time like for instance when we used and did a sand tray activity, when we do relaxation visualizations during sessions and like our next session we plan on leaving the office.

Therapists aren't supposed to tell the clients what they need to talk about and work on. A client enters therapy already knowing they have a problem. Because of state laws and mental health guidelines therapists cant tell a client what they need to talk about. They can ask if the client wants to talk about a topic but they cants say ok today we are going to talk about.... and make that client talk about that topic. Its up to the client to work on that problem in therapy or not. the cleitn is the one paying in some way for the sessions and the client is the one with the problem that they have chosen to enter therapy for so it is the clients decission of what to do in therapy.

Kind of like going to a restraunt you are the consumer. the waitress doesnt come over and say you are going to have the fish and tea. they say what would you like to have today? and you the consumer has to decide what you want to eat and pay for.

therapy is the same way you are buying a service and must decide what and how you want to get for your money. In this case you can get 50 minutes of silence or 50 minutes of talking about the weather or 50 minutes talking about your problems and then deciding what you want to do about those problems.

Yes I have many goals and plans that I have chosen for myself -

memory recall work
depression management work
relaxation visualizations (otherwise known as hypnotic techniques, hypnosis)
grounding techniques
research on my problems
art therapy
awareness therapy
journaling,

just to name a few of what I am presently working on.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> i just have to say i like your signature!

LOL thanks.

[Mikey]

I can totally relate to that, as i´ve been going to psycodynamic therapy for almost 3 years, and haven´t been cured from my ocd. My T is so passive that I really must take command or else we end up talking what I´ve done during the week, or about something that happened with my mom or dad, witch doesnt help one bit.
I now know that this form of therapy is useless against ocd , and am waiting to get CBT, allthough its not sure I will get that...
I know the time goes fast and I have to keep looking at the watch all the time, and really try to get something out of it, but its not easy.
The question is if you have the right form of therapy, as it sounds you have psycodynamic also?

[Meta]

I thought "huh?" when I first saw your question. Then,lol, I realized my answer is "not as much by a long shot as my therapist would like to give." I probably drive her crazy, but she is actually pretty nondirective I would think compared to other therapists I have heard about. This doesn't change that we have some fundamental differences. She is actually great, but I think I will be needing a change. She is having a lot of personal problems and many of our sessions recently have been cut short by phone calls she gets, and family emergencies, so I have been thinking about getting someone else. I understand that she is a person with a life but I need someone right now as my life is in crisis and she cannot be there. I had been going to therapy despite not being in crisis for quite awhile. I decided I would not wait until the trap door sprang. Well things went pretty good for about a year and my mother was suddenly hospitalized and I won't go into the details again here, but a crisis that ended badly evolved. I do have to find someone at this very critical time of my life.

Good luck with your quest.
Meta

[Bleufacez]

Thanks for posting this... I thought I was the only one having this issue.

Got more things to talk about w. pdoc than with T because I'm more compatible w. pdoc than T. Pdoc knows this and is trying to get me more open up to T. Pdoc is more emotional about my condition than T does about mine. It's a little disconcerting but... only time will tell.