Being Influenced by T?

My T is a good person. She is very nice and kind, she would never do anything to make me upset without apologizing and trying to steer towards something else instead.

But, I am afraid of being influenced by her.

I have only been her patient a short while, and immediately after she spoke to me for the first time she looked at me oddly and asked "Do you know if you dissociate?" I had no idea at the time what that meant, so I told her I didn't know and she briefly explained it to me. When she told me about its other alias: Multiple Personality Disorder, I became very frightened.

I didn't know if I was or wasn't dissociating, and I have asked multiple questions on the Dissociative Disorders board and researched it and everything. I began to feel panic at some similarities at first, and I thought with a certain amount of dread that I must have been not noticing my symptoms unconsciously.

But DID is so rare, and I don't really know whether I am simply exaggerating some mere coincidences for actual real problems or not. (For example I have a lot of memory holes, but that is probably due to my bad memory rather than becoming a different person entirely)

My T keeps asking about dissociation though. During EMDR I kind of had a strange experience (Felt light-headed and spacey), and the first thing she asked was "Did you dissociate?"

I really like her, I really do, but I feel like she is trying to herd me into a diagnosis. And I don't want to work myself up and possibly unconsciously fake the symptoms or something.

What do I do? Should I tell her, or should I just go along with her judgement?

I would tell her exactly what you wrote, your concerns, e.t.c. Maybe you can email this post to her.

I think everyone dissociates to some degree, it is a spectrum. At one end is the common experience of 'highway hypnosis', and DID is at the other end of the spectrum. You are perhaps somewhere in the middle. Please don't worry or be frightened. Dissociating is a coping mechanism that is common in various disorders and conditions. As your therapy progresses and you start to heal you may have less need for it, and - in my experience - it happens less and less. It becomes easier to feel present without it being overwhelming and causing you to 'space out'.

When she asked if you 'dissociated', I think she was essentially asking if you 'spaced out' - which the 'weird feeling' and 'light headedness' would suggest you did. I don't think she is trying to herd you into a diagnosis (or suggest you became someone else or have alters), I think she was enquiring about how you were experiencing that moment.

Everyone dissociates. An example is daydreaming, which is a basic form of it. Just because you dissociate, it does NOT mean you have DID. I often go to that cloudy place during sessions when we're discussing difficult things. It's a coping mechanism.

Not terribly responsible of her to jump from dissociation to DID and scare you that way. That's pretty much jumping from A to Z. Dissociation happens on a continuum, from realizing you've driven down the road a few miles with no memory of those miles (everyone does that and it isn't "pathological") to the other end which is DID.

Most of us with trauma backgrounds, particularly with PTSD diagnoses dissociate at certain points. For me it was a sort of zoning away into another place, often with no feeling/awareness at all. Dissociation was how I coped with the abuse when I was very young. I literally see my memories in 3rd person, often from a ceiling viewpoint. I do not have DID, but there were certainly times when I felt very young and got "lost" in those memories.

As I became more aware of my dissociation, therapists were able to help me learn the signs that I was headed in that direction, teach me ways to stay grounded so I didn't dissociate as often or as "far", and get to the point now that it almost never happens anymore.

I'm trying to understand what is really going on. I don't know if I am dissociating, and I don't want to be influenced by her. I almost feel like, if I say I have suspicions, then it is just because of her influences though!

Also, 1914sierra, isn't it normal for people to go into their memories like that? I have gotten lost in my own "Lala land" (as my mother called it) many times, and I do so regularly. I call it auto-piloting now though (sounds less childish), and I've heard other people refer to this as well before...

First off, dissociating is not only a symptom of MPD (DID), I have BPD and I have Dissociation.

Also there has been a huge controversy over whether or not MPD actually exists, it has been found that in the majority of cases it was found that Therapists coach the client into it. I wouldn't be surprised if your T was trying that (Of course she would be nice) but I of course have no idea.

I agree with the others, talk to her!

Yeah, Daeva, that is exactly what I was worried about! I actually read a whole book for a class about this poor, poor woman who actually was coached into believing she had MPD! When my T said DID was the same as MPD red flags went off for me, and that story came back to hang over my head.

I immediately felt so afraid, because I didn't want to be duped, but at the same time I want to trust her judgment as well!

Tread carefully, perhaps consulting with another T about this T wouldn't be a bad idea, you know? See if it's normal or whatever. Also if your gut instinct says somethings off, it's off. But I understand how you want to believe, and reach out to someone.

I will certainly bring this up with her the next time we meet. See what she says about the situation.

Dissociation is on a continuum...when my T explained it to me....He said it can go from highway "hypnosis" to DID. He didn't say I had it just that was the scale.

I had an incident where I was triggered by someone touching me and I zoned out..."lost" about 15 minutes of time. It was the first time that it happened around my family who were able to confirm the timing and the stuff I don't remember. But I didn't turn into another person....

If you want to find out if you have symptoms of did there is a test...I wouldn't worry about the score since it's done oddly but it is the questions you can see if you relate to like finding obj expects in your apartment you don't remember buying or losing days or stuff like that.

But your T asking if you dissociated during session does not mean she is trying to figure out if you have DID necessarily. People use dissociation as a coping mechanism when under distress and she may be asking to see if you are to judge the pace of therapy. Also Ts ask that in different ways for instance sometimes my T will say...where did you just go right now? I may not know just realize that the last thing I heard him say is not the last thing he said.

Maybe you are taking her discussion to the extreme? I would definitely want to check with the T to see what her reasoning is behind the questions...

Getting lost in "lala land" or auto-piloting IS dissociating. It's just on the low end of the continuum, and something like DID is on the high end.

Just because you dissociate, it does not mean that you have DID. It means that some part of you needs to detach from what is going on around you at that moment. It's a coping mechanism.

I suspect that everyone does a bit of dissociating every now and again - day-dreaming, highway hypnosis, getting lost in a memory. Those things are not a problem. It becomes a problem when you use it as a coping skill (whether intentional or not) or you lose large amounts of time or it's in response to a trauma or trigger of some kind.

I dissociate when my anxiety levels are high. I feel like I'm walking around in a fog, not really connected to anything, not even really present in my body. I feel like I'm just an observer rather than an active participant in my own life! In isolated incidents that are triggered by panic, I will completely check out and I'm just mentally not there...lost in panic or memories...it takes either waiting it out, a conscious effort to ground myself, or both, to stop dissociating and be present mentally.

Just because your T asked if you dissociate, does not mean she is asking because she thinks you have DID. She may just be trying to see if you need to learn some skills to help you stay grounded (present) or she may be trying to see what symptoms you experience in general or she may be trying to see how you cope with stresses. You won't know where she was going with that question and what she was trying to get at unless you ask.