[Fuzzybear]

What do you do if there's someone, or more than one person, in a therapy group who you can't stand, or who triggers you big time?

This has happened to me twice. Both times (more than 2 years ago) I just left.

I am not sure that this was the "best" and "healthiest" course of action for me.

Any thoughts?


Fuzzy

I tried two different groups on T's suggestion.

I was so uncomfortable and vulnerable that I couldn't stay.

I think I found every reason in the book on why I couldn't go back but the bottom line was I just wasn't ready.

I had an attitude too, like I was pissed off that I even "had" to be there.

Maybe I would find it different now.

Well Fuzzy, I guess one might say, maybe you should have tried to work it out and tried to understand the "trigger" and/or put your dislike of someone aside.-- but that one that might say that wouldn't be me talking-

I've learned to accept that I'm not a "group" type person. I will never go to group therapy, as my thoughts become too overwhelming....(too many people to figure out what each one's motive is in being there) I think for me-- group therapy would do more harm than good--- at least that's how I see it for me.

Maybe you aren't a group type bear??? I don't know if this even applies, I don't mean that one should just give in to struggles. I think "giving in" only can work when one is satisified with the status-quo in that particular situation. I'm satisified not being in groups as it causes me too much anxiety-- but maybe that's not how it is for you?
..... gee... am I rambling????..... guess I'm trying to say-- It's a good idea to look inside oneself and decide what one is more at peace with-- do you really want to be in a group and cope with it all or would it suit you best to be a one-on-one type being??

Hope I made some kind of sense...

Fuzzy--

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your insightful replies Purple Petals and Mandy

I don't think I am ready for a real life therapy group. I certainly wasn't before..... and I did feel extremely anxious and vulnerable..... for days (before and) after too if I recall correctly.....

Could you elaborate on your comment re. "motives" Mandy.... only if ok.

I think people are supposed to be there to work on themselves...I guess sometimes people prefer to sit back and try to "work on" other people's issues though.... idk...... and why does a strangers opinion of you matter so much. I am trying not to let strangers opinions of me matter so much..... just thinking aloud

Having said that, I left one of the groups after only 3 "sessions"..... because of someone's comment re. what I was sharing ... and the therapist and others there did try to work through it with me. I was just too anxious I think

Just to clarify, both of these groups were in fact more than 3 years ago. I just realised that my post could possibly be misconstrued. I said "at least 2 years ago".... in fact it was more than 3 years ago I really do not recall, or wish to state here, the exact dates (I don't want anyone IRL to recognise me)

Yea, it could be that you weren't ready for groups Fuzzy.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Could you elaborate on your comment re. "motives" Mandy

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> .....
well, my suspicions can get the best of me sometimes, like wondering if someone wants to mimic me and some other things.... I can PM you if you like....

I also meant-- by "motives" being-- "purpose". What are they wanting out of their being there..... and can I help get them whatever it is......

OK-- I'll reveal something about myself -- I do tend to feel I have to take on other's well being, like it's my responsibilty. (maybe I'm trying to make up for those little children I couldn't help when I was a child myself.) It's as if it's up to me to make others lives all right-- which ends up being a huge task that usually results with me in anxiety overload and others misunderstanding me.

I wish you the best Fuzzy.

mandy

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Mandy.....

[Meta]

Hi Fuzzybear,

I think sometimes you have to trust your instincts. I was in a group once where I found one individual rather frightening. I was worried about whether or not I was overreacting until I found out this guy had been given the choice of group therapy or jail because he had been a stalker!!! I haven't been in a group since then; if I do try one I think I will only do single-sex (in my case thatt would be all women) or ask what the exclusionary criteria for the group is. Stalkers and other individuals prone to violence would make me decide against any group.

Meta

[Fuzzybear]

Hey Meta.... I don't think it was anything like that... although one person I did get to know a bit (in person and phone) ended up rather ........hard to describe, but I ended the "friendship" anyway. But yes, I will take more notice of my gut instincts in future in any real life group, or with any therapist. I have tended to give people the benefit of the doubt too much..... maybe just due to a personality clash.... but I have stayed in bad situations for too long

A single sex group maybe sounds a good idea. The "friend" I "had" to "dump"... unusual for me at that time... was a male.

Thanks,
Fuzzy

[Rapunzel]

One thing that I have been learning recently is that if a person or a situation, etc. triggers me or makes me really uncomfortable, or anything like that, then there is usually something that I can learn from the situation. I might prefer to run away and escape, or to whine and complain (I've been doing a lot of that lately), but if I do that, it will keep happening. Maybe I will manage to avoid the one person or event, but eventually something is going to be close enough that I will have the same reaction again. Have you found those same feelings and reactions recurring for you?

If you want to get to the bottom of it you will have to stay in the situation long enough to understand what is happening and how you are reacting and what you could do to change it. Now, there are some people and some situations that almost anyone would find unpleasant or intolerable, so if that is the case I would say why beat yourself up trying to figure it out. But if not everyone is reacting the same way that you are, then there is probably something in it for you to learn. Don't feel bad about not sticking with it in the past though. If it is important for you, it will keep coming back up so you will get another chance. That is one of the things that therapy groups are good for, IMO.

TC,
Rap

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Rap, it certainly sounds like there would be useful and fruitful things to learn in a therapy group that's properly run.....((((((((((( Rap )))))))))))

[JonB]

Well, I'm always interested to read what people's experiences are with group. I've never tried it myself. I'm not much of a people person and I just can't imagine sharing intimate details about myself with a room full of people. I'm sure it's helpful for many people, but I'm guessing I'll never have the guts to do it myself. Best of luck to those who do, though. And, it does make for good TV if you're a Bob Newhart fan...

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for replying Jon,

Take care!

[Rapunzel]

I have always tended to avoid group therapy. I wasn't comfortable with all the extra people knowing my problems, but my bigger fear was that I would just be lost in the shuffle, and nobody would notice me or care that I was there. Or maybe they wouldn't like me. If a group is run properly, though, none of those issues should be a problem.

I was in a social skills group once, probably close to 15 years ago. I didn't want to be in a group. What I wanted was individual attention from a therapist. I had gone to the university counseling center, though, and didn't think I had a choice other than take it or leave it. It was my third year there, and the third winter (or fall - my bad seasons) that I was struggling and needed help. The group was okay, but unfortunately I started late and was only there a few times and didn't really connect with anybody. But I have to admit that if social skills are the issue, it makes sense to have people to interact with in order to learn them.

Just recently, I took a class in group counseling, and we ran an ongoing group as part of class, with everybody participating as well as taking turns as the group leader. Most of us were uncomfortable about doing that at first, but it did turn out to be a very positive experience. Our teacher knew what he was doing. The thing is, the focus of a group needs to be the here and now and what is happening within the group and what each member can learn from getting honest feedback on how they interact. The leader's job is to create a safe atmosphere for real interaction between the group members, and also to be aware of each member and make sure that each one is responded to and has the opportunity to participate. Nobody has to get into any personal details that they don't want to, and in fact, telling long stories about one's personal life outside the group isn't all that productive. There really isn't that much drama involved - it would make a pretty boring TV show. It was a good experience, though, to be part of a properly run group. I would have liked to keep it going indefinitely. I guess that's what I come to PC for - it's not all that different in a lot of ways from what we do here.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Rap!
I didn't mention that I also went to One session of a supposed 6 session Anxiety Management Group I wish I had stuck it out now as the "facility" has now closed.... oh well... I don't think 6 sessions would have been much good for me anyway And I didn't "gel" with the group at all....at least I didn't feel they were wonderful bears like me

[Rapunzel]

I'm glad that we have some wonderful bears around here. There are so many possibilities for groups, and not every group will be a fit for every bear or person. Not everyone is comfortable with groups either, but I think it's worth a try if you are interested or it is suggested for you. Just like here, you get out of it what you put into it. If the groups you have tried aren't right for you, try another one.

In some ways groups can be less threatening than individual therapy too, because the focus isn't on you all the time, and you can learn from other people's experience. Statistics and research say that group therapy is about as effective as individual therapy, and that if you have both they tend to enhance each other, as long as the therapists involved work together to help you with the same, or complementary goals.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your insight and support! ((((((((((((( Rap ))))))))))))))