COME GET YOUR KiICKS ON COUCH 66!

healed84 · Nov 24, 2013, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

Sounds like we all had the cleaning bug today. S gets home on Tuesday and his girlfriend's parents agreed she could stay with us this week and weekend (as long as we swear to supervise closely). I started by just wanting to tidy up a bit, but turned totally OCD. I am proud to say that I think Wikid would eat stuff cooked on my stove now. LOL. I washed walls, I washed cupboards and scrubbed the dishwasher inside and out, even. I cleaned out our china cabinet, which was just JAMMED with miscellaneous papers and junk.

In the last two months, I have donated six large trash bags of clothing and just 'stuff' and we have gotten rid of at least three bags of papers and stuff that was useless. H had mentioned in MC that the clutter was really bugging him. The way he discussed it as if it were only my fault irritated and embarrassed me, but because one of the issues the MC thinks is huge for us is that H doesn't feel comfortable telling me about things that bug him, I tried not to bust on him too much for it. Instead, I suggested he take care of stuff in the den, since that is mostly his stuff. He started to complain it wasn't and I got out two rubbermaid bins. Told him to put my stuff in one bin and D's stuff in the other. If they got full while he was working, I would put those things away. In the meantime, I would go work on something else. We had to have the discussion that cleaning the den DID NOT MEAN putting stuff in bins the kitchen or bedroom the way he has done in the past. However, he did make dramatic progress on the den while I was cleaning up the rest of the house. Also, he had proof positive that it was mostly his stuff because my bin never got over 1/2 full until he filled up with random baskets that he didn't know what to do with, and D's bin was about 3/4 full. [And the den was PACKED with stuff.] So he has visual proof that blaming me and D was just ridiculous.

So anyway, I pointed out to him tonight that he had talked about the clutter and we had addressed without me getting really reactive with him. I tried to say that he COULD talk to me about things that bother him without the overreaction he keeps telling the MC he is afraid of. He laughed at me and said, 'yeah right. Whatever.'

I started to cry because I have been working my A S S off around the house lately and he told me to 'just settle down.' Then when I got angrier, he told me I should 'just relax.' I told him to **** himself and left the room and he called out to me, "I love you!" WHAT. THE. ****.

MKAC- I think it is just hardwired into husbands to be A S S holes to their wives sometimes.. Can ya tell I am a bit pissed at mine right now?

Good job working hard today!!

Nov 24, 2013, 09:37 PM

Does anyone else get stuck in that strange place between past and present. I was at the ex's house the other day and a scene from my childhood played out between my ex and my youngest D. My ex even said word for word exactly what my mother said and I was stuck in this twilight place (like dissociating but stronger I mean more unreal) and I couldn't move.I really couldn't separate now from then. It was incredibily scary. My experience was scary not the situation. My D was drinking water from a bowl like a dog. My ex came along asked wy she was doing that, Very freaky

Nov 25, 2013, 06:43 AM

i didnt have a similar experience BiP but I have found that just having children and the inevitable thought back to my own childhood... have been very triggering...

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 08:53 AM

I did not e-mail my T and I did not call her . she would hate me if I e-mailed and last time I called she talked to me about I might have been a better idea to call her the next day instead of night so she could talk to me and that made me think she never wants me to call her either . I still feel horrible and so so angry at her and most people in life even my husband who has fallen back on the old .honey he is ok you are over reacting ..maybe I am maybe im the worst most horrible person in the world .I wanted to call my T this morning but I cant bring myself to .im angry and I couldn't say anything to her anyway. I don't know what to do or think again im just gonna take some meds and just sleep again

unaluna · Nov 25, 2013, 10:17 AM

Granite, thats a good clue - overreacting sounds like a ptsd reaction, which makes total sense for you. Of course you're feeling totally helpless and furious. For this to happen in the middle of where you are in therapy - you were questioning the value of opening old wounds, and this event made it much much worse. I didnt get it either at first - like your h says, your s is okay - but it's not about that. You were already feeling vulnerable. One thing on top of another. Sometimes I feel guilty that my life is smooth now, but I can't take anymore. When you're floating on thin ice as it is, it's not an overreaction.

stopdog · Nov 25, 2013, 10:19 AM

Granite - I am glad your son is okay. I am glad you waited to contact the therapist.
Is there perhaps a middle ground? Like where you are okay with having your feelings/ reaction to your son getting hurt (although not badly) and then putting what happened in some perspective without jumping off into extremes? That is something a therapist can help with from what I have read.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 10:21 AM

I saw a pic of my boys face and I felt so horrible .i don't think I am over reacting at all but maybe I am and don't see it. IDK I am just so so tired of things.

unaluna · Nov 25, 2013, 10:23 AM

Yeah I hear overwhelmed.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 10:27 AM

stopdog

I really am trying to find a middle ground here. but it is so hard to see it .some horrible person put his hands on my son and broke his cheek bone for no reason at all .my son was trying to get something to eat after going to a soccer game . I am glad I didn't contact my T even this morning .I am angry with her and it will do no good to talk with her.it wont make people in my world any better and it wont take the pain away from my son. who said it hurts today (hugs to my boy) but he ia ok and he told me that . he is even allowed to work today .I am just taking my Xanax as prescribed and am trying to distract my thoughts .that's all I can do.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 10:34 AM

thanks everyone for talking to me .I didn't say that last night I am sorry

stopdog · Nov 25, 2013, 10:51 AM

I am not saying it is fun when one's child (even a grown child) gets hurt. It is not. The anger and fear about that is a usual reaction, I would think. But the part where the whole world is terrible, the therapist is terrible, you are terrible, destroy the whole planet idea is the part where I think it veers off.
The idea of perspective as I see it are things like -your son chose to be a marine - from what you have described - he seems to like it
-being a marine is somewhat dangerous in general
-not everyone in the whole world likes u.s. marines
-some people have good reason to fear/dislike/etc u.s. military presence (not all service people are nice, trustworthy, non-violent etc. Some do commit atrocities - not all - but it is not a black or white thing)
-some people do like u.s. service people
And so forth.
I personally completely understand being afraid for your son's well being, angry and so forth at the person who hurt your son. I just think the then anger/self destruction at the whole world, therapist, etc is the sort of thing the therapist can help with.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 10:58 AM

I didn't think you were saying I was wrong or thinking it was no big deal that he got hurt at all .just wanted you to know that .

I know all the other stuff might be an over reaction (even my son is telling me to calm down)I am trying .meds are helping a lot for now.

I just feel lied to when T tell me there are good people and good in this world. can I at this point at least hope if there is another tsunami there my son lets them drown.(ok not really im still a bit bitter and angry.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hankster

Yeah I hear overwhelmed.

I am a bit overwhelmed with everything hankster. trying to decide if I want to Skype with my son or not if it will escalate things or not .it is probably best I keep my head in the sand until he heals a bit

Nov 25, 2013, 11:40 AM

Granite... I would be very angry too...

But I would also be thinking on the flip side... Your son or his buddies were able to protect himself/him... Thank goodness its not worse...

Personally I would be happy that he contacted me... He is an adult... He didnt have to tell you... now nothing like this has happened to my son but there are times my son starts out with now mom dont freak out but...and i try very hard not to freak out because I want him to know he can always come to me ....

CantExplain · Nov 25, 2013, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

I did not e-mail my T and I did not call her . she would hate me if I e-mailed and last time I called she talked to me about I might have been a better idea to call her the next day instead of night so she could talk to me and that made me think she never wants me to call her either . I still feel horrible and so so angry at her and most people in life even my husband who has fallen back on the old .honey he is ok you are over reacting ..maybe I am maybe im the worst most horrible person in the world .I wanted to call my T this morning but I cant bring myself to .im angry and I couldn't say anything to her anyway. I don't know what to do or think again im just gonna take some meds and just sleep again

I don't think you are overreacting. Your son was attacked. Of course you are upset.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healed84

The food is good, Granite.. and I love my MIL.. Oh and my kids have fun as well. I also grew up away from extended family, so holidays were lonely.. I want my kids to experience holidays with their Grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins!

its nice to see you looking at some good in the situation .maybe try to hold on to that and focus on that and the day might not be so bad

velcro003 · Nov 25, 2013, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

I did not e-mail my T and I did not call her . she would hate me if I e-mailed and last time I called she talked to me about I might have been a better idea to call her the next day instead of night so she could talk to me and that made me think she never wants me to call her either . I still feel horrible and so so angry at her and most people in life even my husband who has fallen back on the old .honey he is ok you are over reacting ..maybe I am maybe im the worst most horrible person in the world .I wanted to call my T this morning but I cant bring myself to .im angry and I couldn't say anything to her anyway. I don't know what to do or think again im just gonna take some meds and just sleep again

When has your T EVER hated you? Never. She has never hated you for e-mail either, she just drew a boundary for your best interest, and has even admitted that sometiems it does help you to get it out if needed. And when I read the part about her wanting to call the next day instead of at night, is NOT her saying "Don't call me granite!," its her saying she would rather speak with you when you are this triggered, instead of hearing it through voicemail and not being able to contact you until later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by granite1

stopdog

I really am trying to find a middle ground here. but it is so hard to see it .some horrible person put his hands on my son and broke his cheek bone for no reason at all .my son was trying to get something to eat after going to a soccer game . I am glad I didn't contact my T even this morning .I am angry with her and it will do no good to talk with her.it wont make people in my world any better and it wont take the pain away from my son. who said it hurts today (hugs to my boy) but he ia ok and he told me that . he is even allowed to work today .I am just taking my Xanax as prescribed and am trying to distract my thoughts .that's all I can do.

Why are you angry at T? Because she supposedly lied to you about there being good people in the world? I hope you can take a step back and see all the good that there IS in the world. There are heartwarming stories that happen every single day, but it is hard to see in the narrow focus you have right now, especially when triggered, which is totally understandable. I just wanted to point out that this one situation does not equal "the world is terrible and so are people and my T is all wrong about that."

I am glad you reached out in here. Did it help you at least a little? Would you have done destructive things otherwise? Try to think of a tiny little bit of positive. You could have completely self-destructed and hurt yourself, but you reached out at PC. Thats huge!!! I'm proud of you for that

Nov 25, 2013, 03:14 PM

I know it's not Christmas yet, but I love this song and this is my new favorite group.

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 03:21 PM

im sorry I have been so negative here . I do love you all and definitely have calmed down .I didn't know I was being mean to people .hugs and sorry

granite1 · Nov 25, 2013, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I know it's not Christmas yet, but I love this song and this is my new favorite group.

thanks for sharing that MKAC it is beautiful and now I went to download the CD . maybe the world has some good things . I love the oh holey night one

healed84 · 05:23 PM

WTH do you do with a marriage when both husband and wife think each other aren't trying to make it work.. not happy, spend their time ignoring each other or arguing with each other. Nobody around supports divorce and, wife would loose tons of family, friends, and job if there was a divorce..